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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS massively overreacted calling the police?

243 replies

YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 13:04

Yesterday afternoon DS (17) asked if he could borrow DH’s car to nip to the shops. He doesn’t drive, has no licence, and isn’t insured so DH obviously said no. Cue DS stomping about, muttering under his breath, slamming cupboard doors.

DH told him to pack it in and when he started swearing, took his phone off him and said he’d get it back later when he calmed down.

Next thing, DS has locked himself in his room. I assumed he was just sulking but turns out he was on his laptop calling the police. Ten minutes later there’s a knock at the door and two officers are stood there saying they’ve had a call from “a vulnerable young person” saying he was being held against his will.

They came in, had a chat with DS, realised it was a daft family row, and told him wasting police time is serious. They left soon after but now DS is acting like he’s somehow in the right and DH is fuming.

I’m embarrassed the neighbours probably saw and think we’re some sort of nightmare family. AIBU to think DS completely overreacted or should I be worried he felt this was the right course of action?

OP posts:
MeridianB · 13/08/2025 15:51

So on top of this really awful behaviour and rudeness to you and DH, he rolled his eyes when the police (the police!) tried to put him straight and then doubled down on the whole thing?

Agree with others this is way beyond teenage tantrums. He’d be grounded for the rest of the month if he failed to provide a sincere apology.

If there is nothing serious going on (drugs, drink, county lines) then he is being a total arse and needs a wake up call.

GAJLY · 13/08/2025 15:56

Oh my God how embarrassing 😳 🫣 and he still thinks he is right!!! I'd be punishing him further!

Skybluepinky · 13/08/2025 15:57

Of course your neighbours will think you are a nightmare family, the police arrived, your son has issues and they probably know more than you do.
Obviously your son has other issues that you have failed to recognise, you need to be parents and find out what’s going on.

NewYorkSummer · 13/08/2025 15:58

Sometimes I think my kids are a pain in the arse and then I read threads like this…

Im struggling to believe any normal 17 year old with half a brain would even think any of this is acceptable. They ALL know for a fact they can’t drive without a license and lessons, I mean, it’s a conversation they’re all discussing the moment they turn 17.

itsgettingweird · 13/08/2025 16:02

YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 14:58

Quick update - I’ve just had another chat with DS. He’s calmed down a bit but is still insisting he was “just standing up for himself” and that DH “went too far” taking his phone. I pointed out that if the police genuinely thought he was in danger they wouldn’t have left after ten minutes, and that all they actually did was tell him off. He just shrugged.

For those asking - no, he hasn’t been drinking or on anything. He has been moody lately but I put that down to the usual teenage hormones and him not getting as much work over the summer as he wanted. He’s not had an easy year with school/college stuff but still, this was ridiculous.

And yes, DH now has his car keys on him at all times. Lesson learned.

Yeah point out if he got imprisoned for driving with no licence etc and his forbid something serious happened ed he wouldn’t be having a phone in jail.

Of he thinks locking himself in his room is being held against his will I’d use it as an opportunity to remind him not to be a prat and actually risk being held against his will 😉

DelilahMy · 13/08/2025 16:06

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 15:33

Switching the sexes doesn't change a thing.

This kid thought that it would be okay to drive the family car illegally, that everyone would just be cool with him driving it illegally and then carried on dramatically when that wasn't the case and then when he was told to pack it in he started stomping a swearing around the house.

Before you even get to the phone and the police, I'd be worried something more wasn't at play.

Show quote history

Daughter has row with stepfather, locks herself in room and calls the police I do think would be viewed more suspiciously but OK we do not agree.

I suspect there is more going on with the son. If this were my son and this behaviour was very out of character, I would be worried about how he was feeling OR if he was being pressured by people into obtaining a car.

It is odd behaviour on the surface of it and I think something is missing from either the story or why the son is behaving this way.

It would piss me off if my partner took my son's phone away as well and I can understand why the son kicked off about that. I would have stepped in if I had overheard and taken my son aside to explain to me why he is asking to have the car.

TY78910 · 13/08/2025 16:10

The police have answered your AIBU by telling him he wasted their time.

SiameseBlueEyes · 13/08/2025 16:12

Look I have sons with autism - high performing - and one has ADHD. They were a bit of challenge growing up but they never would have even thought of doing something like this as teenagers. Yes, I know that there are degrees of autism and ADHD but it enrages my youngest son when ADHD is trotted out as an excuse for bad behaviour because it says it just makes it worse for the rest of the ADHD community who are trying to cope as best they can.

Teens are by nature rather self-centred. They go on about rights when they are being housed, fed, clothed and provided with phone and laptops by their parents. They hold their parents to impossible standards - parents are expected to be endlessly supportive and even tempered at all times. Teenagers struggle to comprehend parents are just ordinary people with hopes, dreams and wishes of their own. I remember breaking my mum's new lipstick when I was messing about with it as a kid. We were not well off and she wouldn't be replacing it and I cringe now about how disappointed she must have felt and respect that she didn't yell at me about it.

I am not surprised you are shocked. I think I would be a lot less accommodating of your son in future. Most teenagers would be ashamed of this behaviour rather than rolling their eyes at the police and swearing at their stepfather. It may be that there is something troubling your son or maybe he just is feeling very entitled or some combination of the two. To be honest, I'd be wondering if he was being egged on by other self righteous teens via the internet. I think you must know if he has been over indulged or whether this is just terrible behaviour. I don't think, unlike some other posters, that this will ever just be joke in the future. It was an appalling thing he did.

Cherrysoup · 13/08/2025 16:15

Taking his phone was totally reasonable, imo. Getting arsey and swearing because you’ve been told of course you can’t drive without a licence/insurance etc is outrageous. Who on earth would think that’s acceptable?

HerecomesMargo · 13/08/2025 16:15

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 13/08/2025 13:22

Must we always end up with “mental health”? It’s become a buzz word used to justify all kinds of shit behaviour, nobody can challenge any more because it must be “mental health reasons.”

Far more likely the little shit has been watching too much TikTok where these kids all “know their rights” and are telling each other to “call the police” and tell them x and y.

I mean you only have to look at MN to see how many posters advise each other to “call the police” for the most trivial shit.

We need to stop pandering to this constant “mental health” excuse. While there’s no doubt that there are some people who have genuine MH problems, the term is now used as a get-out of any kind of situation.

We need to start calling behaviour out for what it is. And frankly if my 17 year old made that kind of accusation against me, not only would I be hoping he’d be charge with wasting police time, but I’d be telling him that if he felt he was being held here against his will he could move the fuck out.

He’s seventeen..

He’s old enough to drive, to have sex, to get married. He’s old enough and should be held responsible for his fucking awful behaviour.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I’m sick of this being the first thing peddled out. No wonder people are so vile today because there is every excuse made for them.

this was a petulant brat who didn’t get his way. I wouldn’t be sitting and dithering about mental health, I would be thinking of severe consequences for this.

MH 🙄, no doubt caused by Covid and let’s throw in Anxiety too. Has anyone suggested he might have SN too?

Isxmasoveryet · 13/08/2025 16:16

YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 14:58

Quick update - I’ve just had another chat with DS. He’s calmed down a bit but is still insisting he was “just standing up for himself” and that DH “went too far” taking his phone. I pointed out that if the police genuinely thought he was in danger they wouldn’t have left after ten minutes, and that all they actually did was tell him off. He just shrugged.

For those asking - no, he hasn’t been drinking or on anything. He has been moody lately but I put that down to the usual teenage hormones and him not getting as much work over the summer as he wanted. He’s not had an easy year with school/college stuff but still, this was ridiculous.

And yes, DH now has his car keys on him at all times. Lesson learned.

So basically spoilt brat syndrome or results of gentle parenting

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 16:17

Well, there are mental health illnesses that do emergency in early adulthood and when a teen behaves this weirdly out of the blue, it would be unwise not to rule it out.

LittleBowSheep · 13/08/2025 16:18

cryinglaughing · 13/08/2025 13:09

Hahaha what a prat!!
Hopefully you'll look back and laugh in years to come.

There is nothing to laugh about in this scenario. Not now, or at any point in the future.

HerecomesMargo · 13/08/2025 16:18

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2025 15:46

You are being far too passive aboit this.

what he did was awful. Horrible, selfish, indulgent, spoilt. Utterly unacceptable.

you can either think this is out of character and assume he’ll be mortified in a few days.

or maybe it isn’t, and he is genuinely so unbelievably spoilt, he’s lost the plot. I have no idea what to advise if it’s the latter.

And the fact that he actually thought he could drive the car. Absolute POS. How arrogant of him. What if you were not home and he took the keys and killed someone on the road .

Anyahyacinth · 13/08/2025 16:19

It’s something about taking phones away that feel especially grievous to the younger generation…my other half did with his son @14 years old…he stopped seeing his father. I do think there should be domestic consequences for calling the police that was seriously unpleasant and unkind and shouldn’t be ignored. If either parent needs an enhanced DBS for work this could impact them.

CautiousLurker01 · 13/08/2025 16:22

YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 15:13

Yes, I told the police exactly what happened - that it all started because he wanted to take the car when he has no licence, no insurance, and can’t drive. They told him straight it was illegal and dangerous, but he just sort of rolled his eyes.

I was in the kitchen when he first asked DH and heard most of it. DH stayed fairly calm at first but when DS started getting cheeky and swearing, that’s when the phone got taken away. It wasn’t some big aggressive scene, more of a “you’ve lost this for now” moment.

It’s completely out of character for him to do something like this. He’s been a pain in the backside over the summer - sleeping in, moaning when asked to do anything, but I thought that was standard teenage stuff. We’ve never had to keep the car keys hidden before, but clearly that’s changed.

And for the record, I do pay his phone bill. I think he was trying to make a point about “being treated like a child” but ended up making himself look ridiculous. I’ve told him this isn’t just “teenage overreacting” - wasting police time is serious.

Just a thought - if his phone is linked to other devices, he can still use it via those. I’d recommend going onto EE/BT/whichever and freezing it as it will mean he cannot access quite a few SM accounts (and making calls via it) which may be fueling the current behaviour. I use my ipad and make calls, access whatsapp and other phone based facilities through the phone that I’ve often left in the car and haven’t actually handled for days. It’s only when I get a can’t send message that I realise it needs recharging and I go to look for it.

chatgptsbestmate · 13/08/2025 16:22

Lord! Your DS sounds quite strange

PinkyFlamingo · 13/08/2025 16:22

Why on earth would he genuinely as you said think he could borrow the car without a licence or insurance? That's odd!

RhododendronFlowers · 13/08/2025 16:25

YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 14:58

Quick update - I’ve just had another chat with DS. He’s calmed down a bit but is still insisting he was “just standing up for himself” and that DH “went too far” taking his phone. I pointed out that if the police genuinely thought he was in danger they wouldn’t have left after ten minutes, and that all they actually did was tell him off. He just shrugged.

For those asking - no, he hasn’t been drinking or on anything. He has been moody lately but I put that down to the usual teenage hormones and him not getting as much work over the summer as he wanted. He’s not had an easy year with school/college stuff but still, this was ridiculous.

And yes, DH now has his car keys on him at all times. Lesson learned.

No. Believe you me, this is not "usual teenage hormones". This is way beyond that. I've raised 3 and taught 100s. This is beyond that.
You're going to need to have further serious conversations. Is he very indulged, normally?

RhododendronFlowers · 13/08/2025 16:26

PinkyFlamingo · 13/08/2025 16:22

Why on earth would he genuinely as you said think he could borrow the car without a licence or insurance? That's odd!

Yes. That's genuinely very odd. Never mind the bizarre overreaction.

Cranberryavocado · 13/08/2025 16:26

He is acting like a spoiled prince. Take him down the soup kitchen for some volunteering or something, he needs a kick up the backside.
My son threatened to call the police today though, becuase I 'made' him go to the trampoline park with me and his younger brother. But he was joking and is 11.

whatisthegoddamnholdup · 13/08/2025 16:26

What have I just read? Your DS who can’t drive was refused access to a car so he had a major strop and called the police on you when you took his phone? Your son is a sounds like a disrespectful spoilt brat and I’m shocked that there don’t seem to have been any consequences for this awful behaviour.

nomas · 13/08/2025 16:26

Please keep the car keys hidden from DS. We had a relative’s son who was the same (no license or car or insurance), and one day he saw an opportunity and grabbed the keys and took the car out and got in a car crash. No one was hurt thankfully but another car was damaged.

PestoHoliday · 13/08/2025 16:27

One to save for the wedding speeches - "I'm not saying you're melodramatic, but we all remember the time you told the police you were being held captive because Dave took your phone off you..."

He's been a colossal asshat. Let's hope whatever caused this nonsense blows over quickly. Nobody needs such ridiculousness, certainly not in this heat.

party4you · 13/08/2025 16:34

You need to see what he’s been viewing online. Sounds very Andrew Tate.