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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS massively overreacted calling the police?

243 replies

YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 13:04

Yesterday afternoon DS (17) asked if he could borrow DH’s car to nip to the shops. He doesn’t drive, has no licence, and isn’t insured so DH obviously said no. Cue DS stomping about, muttering under his breath, slamming cupboard doors.

DH told him to pack it in and when he started swearing, took his phone off him and said he’d get it back later when he calmed down.

Next thing, DS has locked himself in his room. I assumed he was just sulking but turns out he was on his laptop calling the police. Ten minutes later there’s a knock at the door and two officers are stood there saying they’ve had a call from “a vulnerable young person” saying he was being held against his will.

They came in, had a chat with DS, realised it was a daft family row, and told him wasting police time is serious. They left soon after but now DS is acting like he’s somehow in the right and DH is fuming.

I’m embarrassed the neighbours probably saw and think we’re some sort of nightmare family. AIBU to think DS completely overreacted or should I be worried he felt this was the right course of action?

OP posts:
PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 13/08/2025 15:02

YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 14:58

Quick update - I’ve just had another chat with DS. He’s calmed down a bit but is still insisting he was “just standing up for himself” and that DH “went too far” taking his phone. I pointed out that if the police genuinely thought he was in danger they wouldn’t have left after ten minutes, and that all they actually did was tell him off. He just shrugged.

For those asking - no, he hasn’t been drinking or on anything. He has been moody lately but I put that down to the usual teenage hormones and him not getting as much work over the summer as he wanted. He’s not had an easy year with school/college stuff but still, this was ridiculous.

And yes, DH now has his car keys on him at all times. Lesson learned.

He needs to understand that his actions could have had serious consequences.

His 999 call to the police and them turning up probably cost the tax payer well over £1000.

I would be encouraging him to right his wrong by doing some sort of fund raising for a police charity as a way of apology for wasting their time.

If he can't see that he has wasted their time, then you have a HUGE problem on your hands.

If you pay his phone bill, then you are more than entitled to take it off him. He also needs to understand this.

Aavalon57 · 13/08/2025 15:02

Did you tell the police why this happened in the first place? IE, him wanting to take the car?

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 15:03

This is such weird behaviour, op. You shouldn't have to keep your keys on you all the time for fear of your 17yo taking off with it, unlicenced and without permission. This isn't moody teenager territory.

AgentJohnson · 13/08/2025 15:09

Your DS didn’t overreact. He purposely wasted Police time in order to embarrass his parents to get his own way. I’d put his mobile on eBay and I’d make it very clear that if he tried anything as calculating and manipulative again, he’d need to seek alternative accommodation. He’s nearly an adult FFS!

Theunamedcat · 13/08/2025 15:10

Drivingthevengabus · 13/08/2025 14:32

Some of the posts on this thread are fucking disgusting. I'm sorry, but really - the names this kid is being called are absolutely appalling. The irony of those high and mighty 'In my day we had a bit of respect' posters going around calling OP's son a little shit! Shameful. Worse, I would say - considering they are presumably fully grown adults - than a teenager doing something very, very stupid. Someone should take your phones away and turn off your bloody internet.

OP - as you may guess from the above, I'm with the posters wondering what on earth is going on with your son, but from a place of concern as this seems well outside a normal teenage strop (I have a 17 year old). He was obviously massively out of order but his behaviour is so irrational that you surely must be asking yourself if he's ok?

He will soon be old enough to vote and this is an unhinged response to being told no

Original poster
YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 15:13

Yes, I told the police exactly what happened - that it all started because he wanted to take the car when he has no licence, no insurance, and can’t drive. They told him straight it was illegal and dangerous, but he just sort of rolled his eyes.

I was in the kitchen when he first asked DH and heard most of it. DH stayed fairly calm at first but when DS started getting cheeky and swearing, that’s when the phone got taken away. It wasn’t some big aggressive scene, more of a “you’ve lost this for now” moment.

It’s completely out of character for him to do something like this. He’s been a pain in the backside over the summer - sleeping in, moaning when asked to do anything, but I thought that was standard teenage stuff. We’ve never had to keep the car keys hidden before, but clearly that’s changed.

And for the record, I do pay his phone bill. I think he was trying to make a point about “being treated like a child” but ended up making himself look ridiculous. I’ve told him this isn’t just “teenage overreacting” - wasting police time is serious.

OP posts:
BoudiccaRuled · 13/08/2025 15:17

Mental health? I'd be more worried my son is an imbecile. What a fool.

Bunnycat101 · 13/08/2025 15:18

He’s been ridiculous especially if he can’t see how wrong he is. I’m actually more worried about him if you don’t think there are mental health issues. You can find reason for this if someone was in psychosis and genuinely thought they were being held against their will. It’s much harder to rationalise how this could happen if the 17 year old is just being a twat.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 13/08/2025 15:18

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 13/08/2025 13:12

He's 17 and pulled this shit?
Christ there really is no hope for the human race...
Your son is a fuckwit and i'd also be fuming at him.
Shame the Police didn't charge him with wasting thier time. I was going to say I'm amazed that they came out as they can't even be arsed when a real crime is committed but I'm sure they were just covering themselves due to the type of call.

Edited

Id agree with that. He saw nothing wrong with driving a car with no licence or insurance then called the police when he didnt like to be told no.

I pity this guys future partner / spouse.

What an entitled little pillock.

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 15:21

BoudiccaRuled · 13/08/2025 15:17

Mental health? I'd be more worried my son is an imbecile. What a fool.

I don't know. I mean, if this is new then it's concerning. I'd be worried that this could be a mental illness, or a problem with drugs.

People don't tend to go from ambling along in life to phoning the police over nothing, do they?

TheTeasmaid · 13/08/2025 15:21

its like a person the other day on the phone walking slowly pushing a pram then waving and shouting to the bus across the road to wait. its like the bus can wait if they want to but if its a busy bus then they cannot. but the way they reacted afterward because it didnt wait was omg

JoyDivision79 · 13/08/2025 15:21

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 15:03

This is such weird behaviour, op. You shouldn't have to keep your keys on you all the time for fear of your 17yo taking off with it, unlicenced and without permission. This isn't moody teenager territory.

I agree with this.

The behavior is weird. I was a rebellious teen at times. So was my male sibling.

The whole thing from expecting to be able to drive the car in the first place to the Police to the after conversation.

It's all in the realms of something not quite typical. I can't put my finger on exactly what or tell you what as we only have this snapshot.

I can understand there is going to be room always for heightened issues between a teenager this age and a step dad. If roles are always clear and he has always enforced things then that's what he's used to so possibly less of a problem.

That's a separate issue to the weird element though.

Driftingawaynow · 13/08/2025 15:21

Could it be that he was simply trying to log that his phone had been taken by someone not his parent in the heat of the moment and didn’t think they would turn up? And now is shocked/not wanting to loose face? I think 17 is too old to be removing his phone like that. It’s punitive aso he has retaliated punitivly. Doesn’t make it right but sounds like that’s what has happened. Otherwise he is obv being unreasonable demanding the car, just wonder if he knew how heavy what he was doing is.

WellThisIsFranklyDreadful · 13/08/2025 15:26

This is really, really weird. It’s not remotely typical teenage behaviour and the fact he’s still trying to justify it is bizarre.

DelilahMy · 13/08/2025 15:28

Doesn't read to me that your son really gets on well with his step father, OP. Replace 'son' with 'daughter' and I think more people would be asking why, instead of storming out of the house, he locked himself in his room and called the police.

I would be worried about him.

BeltaLodaLife · 13/08/2025 15:28

Have you actually got to the bottom of why he believed he should be able to borrow the car? That’s just so odd, like… where did he get that idea from?

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/08/2025 15:33

DelilahMy · 13/08/2025 15:28

Doesn't read to me that your son really gets on well with his step father, OP. Replace 'son' with 'daughter' and I think more people would be asking why, instead of storming out of the house, he locked himself in his room and called the police.

I would be worried about him.

Switching the sexes doesn't change a thing.

This kid thought that it would be okay to drive the family car illegally, that everyone would just be cool with him driving it illegally and then carried on dramatically when that wasn't the case and then when he was told to pack it in he started stomping a swearing around the house.

Before you even get to the phone and the police, I'd be worried something more wasn't at play.

Everydayimhuffling · 13/08/2025 15:34

I hope you've taken his laptop, OP, and I definitely wouldn't be giving the phone back. I'd be very annoyed about him wasting police time too.

It's very odd that he thought he was entitled to borrow the car for some reason too. Is he learning to drive?

HonoriaBulstrode · 13/08/2025 15:36

He will soon be old enough to vote

He is old enough to vote - 16-17 yos can now vote in England and Wales.

Replace 'son' with 'daughter' and I think more people would be asking why, instead of storming out of the house, he locked himself in his room and called the police.

I wondered how long it would be before someone suggested the stepfather is abusive.

MounjaroMounjaro · 13/08/2025 15:36

I can't understand why the police didn't give him a bollocking over wanting to drive when he hasn't passed his test.

If I were your husband I wouldn't have taken his phone off him, though. I'd avoid anything where it might become physical. It would be different if the row was to do with the phone, but it wasn't.

everythingthelighttouches · 13/08/2025 15:41

So what will he be doing to fully apologise for this terrible behaviour?

loulouljh · 13/08/2025 15:43

Exam results about to come out?

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2025 15:46

You are being far too passive aboit this.

what he did was awful. Horrible, selfish, indulgent, spoilt. Utterly unacceptable.

you can either think this is out of character and assume he’ll be mortified in a few days.

or maybe it isn’t, and he is genuinely so unbelievably spoilt, he’s lost the plot. I have no idea what to advise if it’s the latter.

Lafufufu · 13/08/2025 15:48

The fact he:

  1. still cant see how problematic his behaviour
  2. has no remorse...
would really concern me.

Monitoring the whereabouts of your keys at all times of the day and night isnt the solve...

Christwosheds · 13/08/2025 15:48

It’s immature behaviour for 17, I would talk to him about that. It’s all a bit Kevin the teenager, so hopefully all of you will be able to laugh about it before too long. I would think as he gets closer to 18 he will feel an idiot to have done this, and rather embarrassed.

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