To think DS massively overreacted calling the police?

[YellowBall72]

Yesterday afternoon DS (17) asked if he could borrow DH’s car to nip to the shops. He doesn’t drive, has no licence, and isn’t insured so DH obviously said no. Cue DS stomping about, muttering under his breath, slamming cupboard doors.

DH told him to pack it in and when he started swearing, took his phone off him and said he’d get it back later when he calmed down.

Next thing, DS has locked himself in his room. I assumed he was just sulking but turns out he was on his laptop calling the police. Ten minutes later there’s a knock at the door and two officers are stood there saying they’ve had a call from “a vulnerable young person” saying he was being held against his will.

They came in, had a chat with DS, realised it was a daft family row, and told him wasting police time is serious. They left soon after but now DS is acting like he’s somehow in the right and DH is fuming.

I’m embarrassed the neighbours probably saw and think we’re some sort of nightmare family. AIBU to think DS completely overreacted or should I be worried he felt this was the right course of action?

wtf. Are you ok?

The op said that he had called them on his laptop.

It’s quite worrying that a lot of adults aren’t aware that you can report a crime online.

Yeah, exactly this. This isn't just amusing, quirky child behaviour, he is 17 and almost an adult, and this is what he's doing?!

Does he have autism/adhd? Just wondering as i know my friend's son used to phone the police and report his mum missing at 4:01pm if she said she would be back at about 4pm and wasn't. He also called childline quite a lot when he was younger because they came into school and did an assembly about how they could call childline if they had any problems. It made perfect sense to him, even though he was told repeatedly not to do it.

Some of the posts on this thread are fucking disgusting. I'm sorry, but really - the names this kid is being called are absolutely appalling. The irony of those high and mighty 'In my day we had a bit of respect' posters going around calling OP's son a little shit! Shameful. Worse, I would say - considering they are presumably fully grown adults - than a teenager doing something very, very stupid. Someone should take your phones away and turn off your bloody internet.

OP - as you may guess from the above, I'm with the posters wondering what on earth is going on with your son, but from a place of concern as this seems well outside a normal teenage strop (I have a 17 year old). He was obviously massively out of order but his behaviour is so irrational that you surely must be asking yourself if he's ok?

It all to easy to play these cards as a get out of jail free card maybe kid just a spoilt brat and never had any consequences to any action and parents using ADHD n that PDA thing all kids can abit stubborn at times doesn't mean they need a made up diagnosis or a label

All this mental health/ADHD pish.

He's just a wee shite who thought he would punish his stepdad because he didn’t like him laying down the law. That’s all.

What did the police say to him about driving when he’s unlicensed?

Sadly I'm seeing more and more young people not thinking about the consequences of their actions e.g. in this case the possibility of both you and your DH being charged.

Also, your DH would have himself broken the law if he had given your son the keys. It's called abetting a minor to break the law and includes providing a child with tools or information to commit a crime.

What is it with the youth of today, and no it’s not always down to mental health, it’s down to them being selfish little fuckers !

Had something similar with our daughter when she was 18. She was drunk and being abusive with her so called mate. We had just that day moved house, I was very tired and needed to sleep, I asked them to keep the noise down. She squared up to me shouting. Her dad came upstairs to see what was kicking off only to be assaulted be her across his nose, full on punch.

As she was being manhandled down the stairs she slipped, her dad was trying to defend himself from the punches by holding her wrists. Eventually at the bottom of the stairs he opened the door and told her to leave. The so called mate got lippy with me, I grabbed her by the hair and frog marched her out of my house. 3 days later the police turned up and arrested my husband for assault!? I collected all the empty bottles of alcohol to show the police. I also gave a statement of the argument. It then had to be assessed by CPS, thankfully no charges were made, it did help that my husband still had the bruising and cuts to his nose.

If I’d done this as a teenager I wouldn’t dare call the police, in fact it wouldn’t have started because I wouldn’t have so much disrespect towards them. I don’t know what the answer is, ungrateful little bastards comes to mind. Now at the age of 29 she is very remorseful and is amazed that we have anything to do with her. It took a long time for me to come down from it all, I couldn’t speak to her, there’s no excuse for this kind of behaviour!

Completely agree with this. Nowadays nobody has any accountability for their actions. Thereby creating a generation of full on entitled little shits. Yes sometimes people have mental health issues or autism etc. Having those issues doesn't mean you can act like a dickhead and get away with it. I'll probably get piled on now for saying it but it's true. A 17 year old isn't a kid. They're basically an adult and to act like that is ridiculous

What possessed him to believe he could borrow a car when he has no license and no insurance and doesn’t know how to drive?
Did you actually discuss that with him or just say no? I’d be asking my kid what the hell they were thinking. Then he calls the police and says he is being held against his will… you need to talk to him because he is sounding unhinged.

The op says so! Why do people not read the OP first in full?

I think the request was clearly ridiculous and unreasonable (to take Dad's car) but his reaction (I think) was because you took his phone off him (although if he has a laptop, it wasn't that big of a punishment). My kids go nuclear if I try to take their phones so I just don't or I'd end up with injuries. It's not good or easy, and I feel for you (and me). Get those car keys hidden / locked away just in case he has any ideas or you'll have a car written off and God knows what else to deal with... and let time heal this particular incident. Unfortunately, we have to live with this generation and just look forward to a time when we are free from it. LOL!! Sending a fellow parental arm squeeze to you. x

You'd end up with injuries?

Christ, no wonder we're fucked as a nation/planet.

This. I'd fucking kill the stupid little snot.

It is baffling that you haven't read the absolute riot act frankly.

He'd lose his phone for a month, have to hand write a letter of apology to the local police station for wasting their time and be doing everything to prove to me he has the potential to grow up and not be an entitled and self indulgent piece of humanity.

Next time he ‘kicks off’ turn off the wi-fi.

Doing this would have wasted a lot more police time plus cost a lot of money. The police did the right thing just having a chat this time.

Another one who would be putting in place some very grown up measures - like hand delivering in person a letter to the nearest police station and asking for the duty officer to give you 5 mins for him to apologise. I know a few officers and they would all play the situation well in 'advising' a young person of their behaviour being well and truly out of order...
And at home, there would be a proper sit down and discuss this likely with some more significant consequences.
He is less than a year off being an adult - I would be majoring on the fact that while at 18 he can make his own decisions, by heck he will also take any consequences or benefits of those decisions...

Quick update - I’ve just had another chat with DS. He’s calmed down a bit but is still insisting he was “just standing up for himself” and that DH “went too far” taking his phone. I pointed out that if the police genuinely thought he was in danger they wouldn’t have left after ten minutes, and that all they actually did was tell him off. He just shrugged.

For those asking - no, he hasn’t been drinking or on anything. He has been moody lately but I put that down to the usual teenage hormones and him not getting as much work over the summer as he wanted. He’s not had an easy year with school/college stuff but still, this was ridiculous.

And yes, DH now has his car keys on him at all times. Lesson learned.

I hope you told the police what it was he was wanting to do so they could explain to him exactly what would happen if he did it.

Sounds like a teen doing what teens to - making a mistake through brains that are not developed into adult brain, and needing enough of a 'feedback loop' to allow them to work out what the issues are...

Were you in the house when the conversation about borrowing the car took place between your son and husband, OP?