To think DS massively overreacted calling the police?

[YellowBall72]

Yesterday afternoon DS (17) asked if he could borrow DH’s car to nip to the shops. He doesn’t drive, has no licence, and isn’t insured so DH obviously said no. Cue DS stomping about, muttering under his breath, slamming cupboard doors.

DH told him to pack it in and when he started swearing, took his phone off him and said he’d get it back later when he calmed down.

Next thing, DS has locked himself in his room. I assumed he was just sulking but turns out he was on his laptop calling the police. Ten minutes later there’s a knock at the door and two officers are stood there saying they’ve had a call from “a vulnerable young person” saying he was being held against his will.

They came in, had a chat with DS, realised it was a daft family row, and told him wasting police time is serious. They left soon after but now DS is acting like he’s somehow in the right and DH is fuming.

I’m embarrassed the neighbours probably saw and think we’re some sort of nightmare family. AIBU to think DS completely overreacted or should I be worried he felt this was the right course of action?

@Thedoorisalwaysopen laughing in the face of adversity isn't a bad way to tackle life, teenagers and all that is thrown at us.

I'm sure the 10 minutes the cops took out of their day was worth it for them to ensure he wasn't being held against their will.

He would have the internet password changed PDQ.

I was in school in the 70's. A mate of mine stole a 50p piece from his Grans little jug she had them set aside in for feeding the electric meter.

His mother grounded him for a year. She waited outside of secondary school every afternoon for a year and marched him home. He was genuinely kept prisoner all evening and every weekend every weekend for 52 weeks.

: )

Did you explain to him there could have been terrible consequences for you and DH if the police had believed his lies? I don't know what jobs you do, but in some professions it could have threatened your livelihood.
There needs to be serious consequences for this. Does he have a Saturday job or do you give him an allowance? If the latter, cut him off.

You should've told the police he was attempting to steal and joyride a car without license or insurance. Stupid idiot.

Tell him if he ever does that again you will stop paying for his phone permanently.

This is just not how you treat your family or aaln acceptable way to behave in general.

If for whatever reason the police couldnt see it was nonsense.. then it could have been very serious.

He is old enough to know this was nonsense, and that it could have gone differently and if it had, it could have had very serious and real consequences (eg. job loss etc) for you and your DH....all because he couldn't break the law and drive a car he wasnt entitled to drive because he was too lazy to walk to the shops ?!?!? Wtaf???

I would be so so disappointed in him.
i would having a long serious conversation with him and alot of his home comforts he takes for granted would be removed.

And also explaining to him if he is so unhappy and wants to review his housing situation as he is so "vulnerable" here you will 100% support him in that (with a view to him waking up and realising just how bad his other options are)

Do you seriously need to question if he over reacted? 😂

He clearly did. He’s allowed his teenage hormone and entitlement allow him to act like a complete prat and now there needs to be consequences for those actions.

Ignore the neighbours - why give a toss what they think?

But if my da pulled this shit he’d be making up for it for a looknnnngggggg time!

And that next time there may not be a speedy response meaning that if he was in real danger there's be no-one there if he genuinely needed help.

If he's not normally like this, something is going on. Dig deeper.

He set the argument up - he knows he can't borrow the car, he asked a question to which he knew the answer would be a vehement 'NO'.

Giving him cause to strop about and escalate something...

I'd take a look if you can, at who he is talking to, particularly online, and what he is watching/reading.

@AnyoneWhoHasAHeart we do need to flag mental health problems in this scenario because the boy's behaviour was really quite... unusual. And his age group are at high risk of self harm - or worse - so it does pay to be cautious.
It's possible of course that he's just being a cheeky little gobshite, in which case there are no excuses.

Maybe because at that moment he was being a nasty vengeful little prat. There doesn't always have to be an evil back-story.

Look on the bright side OP. At least your 17 yo DS isn’t smoking weed as he’d never have called the police if he was.

(Mine was at that age & other dumb stuff but has turned into a delightful young man)

😂 I love that he told the police he was being held against his will! Reminds me of when we were teens and my siblings and I would mutter about reporting our parents to childline because we were made to empty the dishwasher which was practically child abuse…

Don’t worry OP, he’s just a teenager throwing a strop. Hopefully he’ll be secretly embarrassed enough not to waste any more police time even if he’s full of it now. It’ll be a funny story in a few years in any event.

Sadly we all know what the consequences today would be, poor little abused mite! I wonder if he stole again?

Presumably he used one of the many APPs available to make calls feom a laptop. You dont need a landline just an Internet connection. No different from your average work place.

Your son is a spoiled brat.

Pp have mostly covered what I would say about the behaviour, but when I was about 16 a kid (also 16, so not insured and couldn’t drive) I knew tried to borrow his parents’ car when they were on holiday and in attempting to get it off their drive, burnt out the clutch.

So if your son fancies having a go in the car, definitely hide the keys away. He’d be paying off a new clutch till he retired, I think, if he did something similar!

Did the police explain to him the potential prison sentence for driving without a license or insurance? Or if, god forbid, he had injured or killed someone?

Same. He could have done with time in a cell.

I’ve not read the full thread so apologies if this has already been pointed out, but before we run to mental health issues some might recall the thread the other day started by a grown woman asking whether it was really essential to put her learner driver DD on her car insurance after having already taken her out to practise uninsured. That’s a grown woman and parent, not a 17 year old lad.

He might be taking something he shouldn’t be or he might just be very ignorant of driving requirements. But he’s clearly not the only one.

As a mum to DSs 25 and 17 I would advise giving him a good bollocking about poor behaviour and total disrespect of police time - snd a reminder that he will shortly be an adult and needs to grow up. And ask him directly whether he’s taken something given the stupidity of his behaviour.

Maybe he isn't happy a man not his df is handing out punishments?

I suspect you don't have a 17 year old who thinks it's ok to borrow a car with no licence or insurance, and who kicked off after being told no?!?

Damn right my teen would be losing their phone if I'm paying the bill. And I'd have turned off the wifi so he couldn't play on his computer/games as well.

> AIBU to think DS completely overreacted or should I be worried he felt this was the right course of action?

YANBU @YellowBall72 - i feel you’re absolutely right in thinking that DS completely overreacted.

However, that being said, since you said it’s out of character, and since your DH telling him to pack it in and confiscating his phone caused the situation to escalate to such a surprising extent, would it be worth trying a different tack (good cop/bad cop?) and approaching your DS with extreme kindness (much more than you actually probably feel at this moment in time 😆) and asking if he’s okay etc?

Just spitballing ideas - Is there a chance DS is very stressed about something else? Could a friend be in trouble and he was trying to help him by coming to rescue in the car? I dunno - just feel it might be worth exploring if you can. The very best of luck with it - keep us posted 😍

Spolied Entitled Brat !!!

I've known him all my life. We left skool in 1979 so we are old.

He turned into an amazing man. I don't know if he has ever stolen anything further. I doubt it.

In OP's shoes, I might be tempted to mock up a letter from the police stating that they are pressing charges for wasting police time just to put the fear of God up him. He sounds like an entitled brat.

I think calling it an overreaction is an underreaction. Your son sounds immature for seventeen. He should know that he won't be allowed to drive without a license and that calling the police on the basis of a lie (that he was 'vulnerable' and being held against his will) is serious. Does he not care that he could have caused you and your DH big trouble over nothing? I'd be spelling things out very clearly to him. If he wants to continue living in your home, he has to show some respect. And it's time he starts growing up and taking responsibility for himself. For example, if he wants to be able to drive, he needs to get his license.