To think DS massively overreacted calling the police?

[YellowBall72]

Yesterday afternoon DS (17) asked if he could borrow DH’s car to nip to the shops. He doesn’t drive, has no licence, and isn’t insured so DH obviously said no. Cue DS stomping about, muttering under his breath, slamming cupboard doors.

DH told him to pack it in and when he started swearing, took his phone off him and said he’d get it back later when he calmed down.

Next thing, DS has locked himself in his room. I assumed he was just sulking but turns out he was on his laptop calling the police. Ten minutes later there’s a knock at the door and two officers are stood there saying they’ve had a call from “a vulnerable young person” saying he was being held against his will.

They came in, had a chat with DS, realised it was a daft family row, and told him wasting police time is serious. They left soon after but now DS is acting like he’s somehow in the right and DH is fuming.

I’m embarrassed the neighbours probably saw and think we’re some sort of nightmare family. AIBU to think DS completely overreacted or should I be worried he felt this was the right course of action?

This is weird af.

He doesn't drive but he wanted to take the car so badly he resorted to locking himself away and calling the cops after you guys said no. He tried to get the two of you into criminal trouble because he didn't get his way. That's wild.

Is he acting high? I'd be checking for drug use.

You're going to have to lock up your car keys. Change your router password and start rotating it.

Time for him to be looking for a part time job unless this is mental health issues.

I'd be thinking high, some social media stunt, plain asshole, or mental health break.

Do not give him driving lessons at present. He doesn't sound safe if he's being so wildly retaliatory.

I think he needs to grow up! Tell him to go and get a job and save up for driving lessons!

This is such an extreme reaction from your son. Does he normally act like a tantruming toddler?

This isn’t a ‘daft family row’ though, is it? Nobody fell out about who ate someone’s snacks. Your son thought it was ok to try to drive without a license or insurance, thought it was okay to accuse you of false imprisonment, thought it was ok to lie and waste police time and everyone else’s tax money pretending to be kept against his will, and you’re on here minimising it all enough to ask if you are being unreasonable? Well, yes, you are, because your son is an entitled so and so who could kill someone because he can’t drive and lies to police about you and somehow you’re glossing over this completely.

Why haven’t you gone in and laid the law down to your son about his behaviour and the consequences of this???!! Entitled little sod thinks he can get away with what he likes and due to your behaviour and parenting - or clearly lack of! - this will just carry on like this and get worse unless you put your foot down now and give him severe consequences and tell him if he does this again and even thinks about trying to drive a car when he doesn’t have a licence then YOU will be the one to call the police on him
next time and they won’t just tell him off!!

Something is very wrong. Much younger children would know that calling the police was wrong and definitely would know that there's no way someone without a driving license can drive a car legally. It's such a weird set of decisions that unless your 17 year old is this naive in normal life, I'd be wondering if they were ill. UTIs don't just send older people slightly mad- can change behaviour in youngsters too.

Id be more concerned that he'd asked to borrow the car, seriously poor judgment to contemplate getting in a car illegally and dangerously.

I'd be worried sick. So many of these posts are utterly unhelpful, he is a prick, entitled brat etc. It doesn't matter, he is still OPs son and she has to deal with this situation. It's very immature for 17, also asking for the car is very immature too, he is old enough to understand about licences and insurance. Something is definitely going on under the surface. He also knows that the police, if they show up, will immediately see he is bullshitting and nothing will be done only to upset his parents. So it seems this is all a ruse to get attention. This is a cry for help if I ever heard one. I hope he is OK OP

Your son wanted to commit a crime, and when he couldn’t committed a different crime instead.

How are you doubting whether this was an overreaction on his part?

This post how to tell the world your so has spoilt brat syndrome and it not his fault I surprised your not saying o he such a sweetheart all the time

I actually cannot even fathom what my own parents would have done if I’d done this. It just wouldn’t have even crossed my mind, but holy shit even if it did, there is no way I would have dared.

this is actually quite serious @YellowBall72 and I think he needs a good talking to.

I've written a very different reply but I totally agree with this. It's such an insane set of decisions.

Can we get a sense of how out of character it is, OP? Because it's hard to judge 'absolute pisstakerness' without knowing how unusual this is.

Police did explain about wasting their time, they were very clear, but I don’t think it’s sunk in yet.

It would be great if they did a follow up letter to him explaining how his stupid actions could have had a impact - and did as they are so stretched in sorting out real problems

Was waiting for the mental health ADHD card to be played lol

I’d be really concerned about him thinking he can drive and no licence uninsured. Does he understand the potential criminal implications of this and the implications if he injured or killed somebody.

If course he over reacted, what did he think the crime was? He was held because he wasn't allowed the car? What made him think he'd be able to drive the car?

There clearly something badly wrong, both for him to asked to use the car with any expectation that it may have been granted and for calling the police. I think it probably does go beyond 'just" bad behaviour.

Fwiw I wouldn't have taken a 17yo's phone. As you've learned, it's pretty pointless anyway, there's nothing he uses the phone for he can't use the laptop for.

If he’s usually sensible and no learning difficulties I’d be very concerned that he was having a mental health crisis of some sort.

Yep - all this. Absolutely weird AF. The idea you’re thinking his behaviour is in any way justified is worrying. Someone needs to have a chat with him to be sure he understands why your DH said no and why lying about being held against his will is wrong. Is he able to see the situation from your POV? - does he have much empathy/emotional intelligence?

It's not a "card being played". Fucking hell.
Any decent parent /adult would consider this if I child is behaving unusually

I'd definitely be hiding the car keys, I can't believe he thought he could just take the car with no license, insurance or anything.

Is he in education or working?

If you've got a laptop with internet connection then you can make a phone call easily enough.
The moral of that story is next time you confiscate his phone change the WiFi password too.

@YellowBall72 I hope you are having a very serious talk with your son about:
(a) The stupidity and real physical danger of thinking he can just jump in a car and drive it
(b) And, more importantly, what did he think he was doing by calling the police; I don't believe for a minute that he thought they would somehow make your DH give him the car - so what was he trying to achieve? It was just sheer nastiness; he was trying to hurt his family! That is seriously shocking!!! And, if social services got involved could have unpleasant consequences for the family as a whole.

lol what a twat

Your son is a dickhead.

It’s probably not that unusual behaviour…. If the OP is questioning whether it’s valid or not, the fact that she is even questioning herself, makes it likely that these sort of responses happen to some degree.

any sane parent would know this is not acceptable and not have to question in on MN.