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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not remind my husband it's my birthday?

795 replies

DoneWithThisShizzle · 12/08/2025 23:21

That's it exactly. It's my birthday in approximately 24 hours and I think he has forgotten. Hasn't asked what I want or snuck anything into the house. I've answered the door to the postie for the past two weeks and taken in nothing that he hasn't opened and shown me.

So as not to dripfeed, it's his mum's birthday the day after, it's a big one, so he's been organising a party for that (not that I think it's a good excuse to forget mine).

Do I remind him? Or not?

OP posts:
RetirementIsGreat · 14/08/2025 20:29

I'd say "Can you believe I'll be ' ' on Tuesday or birthday day birthday is! Where has the time gone?"

DoneWithThisShizzle · 14/08/2025 20:29

outdooryone · 14/08/2025 14:56

Happy birthday.
But you have just prompted me to think I might head off early from work and go sup a suitable cold alcoholic beverage in the sun somewhere nice....

Hope you got it! 🍻

OP posts:
DoneWithThisShizzle · 14/08/2025 20:34

August1980 · 14/08/2025 18:14

Happy birthday OP!

My husband did my birthday shopping the night before my birthday. He hit all the top shops at 8.30pm after putting the kids to sleep.. and when I say top shops I am talking Asda, Tesco.. I heard him sneak out through the garage…
I chuckled to myself when I was up first in the morning to let the dogs out and do a nappy change/feed for our baby when I saw the amount of tat he got me! He remembered last minute obviously and if he had forgotten altogether it wouldn’t have bothered me! on my actual birthday he did looks after the kids and the dog and made my day just a little easier so I could shower without having the kids in with me..or our older dog trying to get into the bath with me (we had her before kids and she still demands her 1:1 time) it meant more to me to have time to wash my hair, wax my under arms and clip my nails without the chatter to keep the kids occupied whilst I do all that..,he unpacked the dishwasher too. So he did try… my bar is low now days but prior to kids it would have been trips to the F1 or Grammy awards in the US etc. so the time to do the little things really meant alot. Maybe he has something like that in mind?
do remind him op, don’t set him up to fail. And don’t let it ruin your day..

That made me laugh! I can imagine the mad panic! Thank heavens for late closing 😂
As we get older it's the little things we appreciate more. I've had a wonderful and quite simple day being driven to my favourite, local places.

OP posts:
TattyBluebell · 14/08/2025 20:48

I wouldn't say anything. Just see how it plays out.

CustardySergeant · 14/08/2025 20:58

TattyBluebell · 14/08/2025 20:48

I wouldn't say anything. Just see how it plays out.

You can see for yourself how it played out if you read the OP's posts.

DoneWithThisShizzle · 14/08/2025 21:05

50kHobbyJob · 14/08/2025 18:15

@DoneWithThisShizzle

Happy Birthday!

Have you considered that you are far too rational and balanced to be on MN?

Many of the replies on this thread have shown just what bitter lives people live. It must be exhausting to deal with this sort of poison in their heads all the time!

You, on the other hand, have been gracious and funny in your responses to some of the madness posted here.

Hope you've had an amazing day and that your MIL does too.

Ha ha! I didn't until this thread! 😂
Thank you for the birthday wishes to myself and MIL!

OP posts:
DoneWithThisShizzle · 14/08/2025 21:09

Missingpop · 14/08/2025 18:36

I gave up rsaying anything years ago love haven’t had a Christmas card, present, birthday card, present, Valentine’s Day card present or Easter card or egg in years I just think fuck it I’ll buy my own & take it out of the account & tell him ever he brought me & watch his eyes begin to water, one day he will wise up 😂😂😂😂

Aw, that's a bit rubbish he doesn't buy for you himself! I hope you really indulge yourself 😊

OP posts:
DoneWithThisShizzle · 14/08/2025 21:17

Realjournal123 · 14/08/2025 20:14

I k is how you feel as I go through this every valentines, Mother’s Day and birthday. It’s tedious and it makes you feel uncared for, unimportant and worthless. I’ve tried not to remind him but my daughters usually press him to do something. But it really isn’t about forgetting, it’s about respect. Men think because they’re often the breadwinners, they’ve got far more important things on their minds. I’ve got mine on Saturday and I’ve asked for 6 years for an eternity ring but I’ll never get it. Do t remind him. He’ll just say he knows then get some crappy gift last minute.

I'm sorry this happens to you so often, but I'm glad you have such supportive daughters. Hope you get that ring soon 🤞

OP posts:
MissMummy92 · 14/08/2025 21:28

Oh gosh, I can only imagine how you're feeling right now. That sinking feeling that the person closest to you has forgotten something so important is just awful. With two little ones myself, I know how much of our own stuff can get pushed to the back burner while we're making sure everyone else is taken care of, but a birthday is different.

I get the expectation that our partners should just know. But sometimes, life gets in the way. He's probably so caught up in organizing his mum's big birthday bash that his brain has just become a sieve for everything else. It doesn't make it right, but it's a possible explanation.

I know the temptation to just let it ride and see what happens is strong, but honestly, is it worth the potential disappointment? A part of me, the part that's a bit of a romantic, wants to say, "Let him surprise you!" But the realistic, tired mom-of-two part of me says, "Girl, just drop a hint."

Maybe a super subtle one? "So excited for your mom's party tomorrow, it's such a big day for her. It's crazy how close our birthdays are, isn't it?" or "I'm looking forward to a bit of a break this week... I think my birthday deserves a bit of a celebration, even if it's just a quiet one."

You deserve to feel celebrated. If the hints don't work, then maybe a direct but gentle reminder is the way to go. You don't want to spend your birthday feeling hurt or resentful. I hope he pulls through and you have a wonderful day, no matter what!

DoneWithThisShizzle · 14/08/2025 21:32

MissMummy92 · 14/08/2025 21:28

Oh gosh, I can only imagine how you're feeling right now. That sinking feeling that the person closest to you has forgotten something so important is just awful. With two little ones myself, I know how much of our own stuff can get pushed to the back burner while we're making sure everyone else is taken care of, but a birthday is different.

I get the expectation that our partners should just know. But sometimes, life gets in the way. He's probably so caught up in organizing his mum's big birthday bash that his brain has just become a sieve for everything else. It doesn't make it right, but it's a possible explanation.

I know the temptation to just let it ride and see what happens is strong, but honestly, is it worth the potential disappointment? A part of me, the part that's a bit of a romantic, wants to say, "Let him surprise you!" But the realistic, tired mom-of-two part of me says, "Girl, just drop a hint."

Maybe a super subtle one? "So excited for your mom's party tomorrow, it's such a big day for her. It's crazy how close our birthdays are, isn't it?" or "I'm looking forward to a bit of a break this week... I think my birthday deserves a bit of a celebration, even if it's just a quiet one."

You deserve to feel celebrated. If the hints don't work, then maybe a direct but gentle reminder is the way to go. You don't want to spend your birthday feeling hurt or resentful. I hope he pulls through and you have a wonderful day, no matter what!

Thank you but it's all been resolved 😊

OP posts:
Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 21:44

A couple of days now? Oh no, don't say the OP is one of those who thinks she should get a week for her birthday?!😆

DoneWithThisShizzle · 14/08/2025 21:44

This is my LAST UPDATE!!

Hello everyone! I've had a really lovely day. Thank you for all of your lovely, birthday wishes to me and MIL. They mean an awful lot, especially coming from so many strangers 😊😘

Mumsnet is a great community, full of wisdom, sharing, and love, and also some strong opinions! 😂 It's been a fantastic little journey I've taken with you these past couple of days. I'm usually just reading threads without interacting, so it's been lovely to converse 😘

For my birthday we have visited gardens, bought plants, ate cake sitting under a tree in the sunshine, had a light lunch by the harbour, walked along the beach, bought a picnic and sat on another beach to eat it, then we watched boats from the dunes while the sun set. It's been perfect!

Also, I told him about this thread and he's asked me to let you know that he definitely didn't forget! There was no "reminding" needed 😂

Thank you again and wishing you all the best! 😘

Oh, and for those just joining the thread, RTFT! 😂

OP posts:
Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 21:46

DoneWithThisShizzle · 14/08/2025 21:44

This is my LAST UPDATE!!

Hello everyone! I've had a really lovely day. Thank you for all of your lovely, birthday wishes to me and MIL. They mean an awful lot, especially coming from so many strangers 😊😘

Mumsnet is a great community, full of wisdom, sharing, and love, and also some strong opinions! 😂 It's been a fantastic little journey I've taken with you these past couple of days. I'm usually just reading threads without interacting, so it's been lovely to converse 😘

For my birthday we have visited gardens, bought plants, ate cake sitting under a tree in the sunshine, had a light lunch by the harbour, walked along the beach, bought a picnic and sat on another beach to eat it, then we watched boats from the dunes while the sun set. It's been perfect!

Also, I told him about this thread and he's asked me to let you know that he definitely didn't forget! There was no "reminding" needed 😂

Thank you again and wishing you all the best! 😘

Oh, and for those just joining the thread, RTFT! 😂

Oh thank God, it's been like a slow motion train wreck and impossible to look away from the hilariously super dramatic posts and replies. Byeeeeeeeeee! Next year, for the Love of God just ask him what you're doing for your birthday 😅😂😂

Rosscameasdoody · 14/08/2025 21:58

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 21:46

Oh thank God, it's been like a slow motion train wreck and impossible to look away from the hilariously super dramatic posts and replies. Byeeeeeeeeee! Next year, for the Love of God just ask him what you're doing for your birthday 😅😂😂

Nobody forced you to take part did they ? The rest of us thought it was a light hearted and entertaining thread and the OP has been funny and gracious, and has risen above the attempted kickfest throughout, despite a couple of posters doing their best to get a rise out of her. Didn’t work though did it ?

Rosscameasdoody · 14/08/2025 21:59

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 21:44

A couple of days now? Oh no, don't say the OP is one of those who thinks she should get a week for her birthday?!😆

It’s her birthday today. And she’s just updated for the last time, which was the post you replied to. So not really sure what you mean by ‘a week’.

Rosscameasdoody · 14/08/2025 22:03

Alliod40 · 14/08/2025 11:17

Oh my god why does it have to be a feckin drama..if he's busy preparing for his mams big birthday good on him and he's simply forgot,yes it's bad but just say it or hint at it,why make him feel bad and then you both have a shitty day when there's no need for it,honestly I just don't understand woman like this if you have a good marriage otherwise

I don’t understand people who come in toward the ends of threads and comment without reading the updates.

DoneWithThisShizzle · 14/08/2025 22:03

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 21:44

A couple of days now? Oh no, don't say the OP is one of those who thinks she should get a week for her birthday?!😆

Nah, don't be daft! A month will do!

OP posts:
Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 22:09

DoneWithThisShizzle · 14/08/2025 22:03

Nah, don't be daft! A month will do!

Wasn't that your last update? 😂Oh God, the nightmare continues 😆😂

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 22:14

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BubblingBelly · 14/08/2025 22:14

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 22:09

Wasn't that your last update? 😂Oh God, the nightmare continues 😆😂

What’s wrong with you? You are making yourself look both unhappy and silly on an otherwise pretty supportive thread.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 22:15

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TattyBluebell · 14/08/2025 22:17

CustardySergeant · 14/08/2025 20:58

You can see for yourself how it played out if you read the OP's posts.

Oh yeah! 🤣🤣
On the ball as always! 😂😂

Rosscameasdoody · 14/08/2025 22:17

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Are you five ? Or a bit older and a bit bored on the school holidays ? Never mind, the back to school stuff is in the shops soon.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 22:19

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BubblingBelly · 14/08/2025 22:19

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No. Some people have challenged her. But only you are going over the top in an immature way with all your laughing emojis. And saying just how bored you are but reading all the same.

Do carry on making a fool of yourself though.