Wedding no show. Was I unreasonable to block her?

[Nowtinit]

I got married earlier this year. It was a fairly big wedding. 100 guests with a sit down meal etc.

I used to have a friend who I was fairly close to back in the day. Knew each other from school. Had many a fun night out drinking in our youth as well as some holidays away etc. She got married and had her kids a few years back now (her children are 8 and 10 now) but we never lost contact and still saw each other regularly for the most part. She moved away 2 years ago to an area about 2 hours away from our home town. We still kept in touch but neither of us went to see the other as life was always just busy. But we were always friendly on text but they dwindled a bit as well.

Anyway when i was organising the wedding I messaged her to say I know we haven’t been in touch as much but I’d love it if she (and her husband and kids) could come to the wedding, but I understood if it was too much of a hassle coming the 2 hours back this way. She replied immediately saying she’d definitely be coming and would there be a hen do etc. I said there would be but I hadn’t organised that yet so would be in touch and would also send out a formal invite.

I sent the invite, she RSVP’d immediately for the whole family including the meals they wanted etc. Once the hen was organised I sent her those details (night out in our home town. Meal and drinks). She replied great I’ll be there!

Two weeks before the hen party (which was 4 weeks before the wedding) she text to say she’d forgotten it was her nephews birthday the same day as the hen so she couldn’t come. It was quite a blunt text (for her) but I said no problem and I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. She replied with “yes me too. I have our hotel and train all booked!”

Day of the wedding arrived, and she just didn’t show. I checked her instagram and she’d been posting pictures of her family as normal the week leading up to the wedding as well as on the day on the wedding (they appeared to be at a park or similar on the day). I gave it a few days to see if she’d get in touch but nothing. One evening (after a few wines) I did send a passive aggressive text saying I assume you couldn’t make the wedding then? She read it and didn’t reply. So I just deleted and blocked her on everything.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve pretty much just forgotten all about it. But the other night I woke up and I’d had 4 missed calls. 3 were withheld numbers and 1 was her husbands number. One of the withheld numbers had left a voicemail which was just people laughing hysterically followed by someone (female but not my friend) saying bitch really loudly. No idea if it was her/related to her but I’m guessing it was due to her husbands number also ringing me within a few mins of that message.

I don’t really get what happened? She was always a normal person. Not flakey. A good friend. Not aggressive or rude. Just…. Normal. Yes we’d lost touch a bit but we’d never fallen out. I always messaged her happy birthday and she did the same. Yes my post wedding text was a bit PA but the fact she didn’t even bother to let me know she couldn’t come or even apologise after the fact did piss me off a bit. We’d paid for the whole families meals etc and there was 4 wasted seats. To just not get in touch at all was just rude in my opinion. I was quite happy to just forget about her and carry on. But then this weird phone call/voicemail happened and its brought it all back up again. Especially as it seems very out of character for her to be so almost malicious. She’s never been like that before. But I guess maybe she’s changed in the past 2 years. Who knows.

It sounds like she is quite a terrible friend OP and it is good you are finished with her. I doubt she booked anything she probably planned all along not to go. Her reaction is typical where people who know they have acted poorly get defensive and blame everyone else. I have had a few examples like this come to mind and I can never make logical sense of it either.

I would stick this woman firmly in the past and jump out of any social media contact with her.

The mental gymnastics going on from some posters to defend this woman's awful behaviour is laughable. And I say this as someone who is admittedly a bit of a flake sometimes. I wonder if everybody would be jumping to excuse the friend's behaviour if they were a man?

She's in absolutely no position to be pissed off after what she did.

Some friend! She would stay blocked for me.

Still should have let op know,even if it was the next day and sent some flowers or something as an apology.

Blocking isn't always childish. If it is a line in the sand you need. She was hurtful with no explanation and probably was responsible for the 1am calls.

I dont think everyone you lose is a loss. I hope you had a fantastic wedding

If it really is that out of character, is it possible her husband is controlling or abusive and somehow made it happen and wouldn't let her explain? I know that's an odd thing to reach for but if it's that far removed from her usual self then maybe someone else is involved, especially since you say the hen party cancellation message didn't sound like her either.

Or perhaps she forgot and is now too embarrassed to come clean?

You'd be worried about her even if you could see photos on social media of her and the fam cavorting about a National Trust site on the day of the nuptials?

Nah block all the other numbers and the husband aswell now and move on with your life she sounds a right twat

I have an old acquaintance that was a bit odd. She was invited to a friend's wedding, didn't show up. Friend confronted the oddball about it, to which they replied along the lines of 'you think I'm a bad friend for not turning up, you never contacted me to see if I was OK when I didn't turn up so clearly you're the bad friend and weren't really that bothered about having me there'.

Ended up unravelling that we realised she never turned up to anything on time. Would say yes to everything but only come if we contacted her after the start time to ask if she was still coming. Basically she only came if she was chased so she knew how much her presence was wanted and to know her absence was noted and worried about.

So we stopped chasing her, still invited her and she always said yes but didn't chase if she didn't show. She stopped coming to anything, eventually left the group chat declaring we no longer care about her.

If she didn't want to come then why pretend? What's the game?

I imagine she's turned into a bit of a twat since you last really knew her, got drunk one night with some mates and it came up in the conversation so they used the husband's phone to make silly calls. Immature, inconsiderate, disrespectful, rude....you're well rid.

I’m going to sound very old fashioned here but what about a phone call? It’s probably too late now but would have saved a lot of trouble if you had had a few actual conversations.

The messaging and interpreting of SM is a really rubbish way to know how someone is, and a terrible basis for a real friendship. I find it really ironinic (and it pisses me off to be honest) how we have these phones we’re obsessed with and how rubbish most communication is now that nobody wants to actually pick the thing up and talk.

Speak to your friends ffs. (That’s not supposed to be personal to you OP just the world in general).

I don't think she ever intended to come to her wedding. I think she lied about purchasing tickets and reserving hotel stays. She wanted to cost OP all that money. OP thought she was a friend, but the so called friend considered her an enemy ( for whatever perceived reason).

She took up FOUR places at your wedding and then no-showed? That is an absolute DISGRACE. She did that on purpose. There is no way that she booked trains and hotel, because she absolutely would have showed up if she had. And then she posted photos of herself and her family on a day out, on the day of your wedding, that she knew you would see. Oh my god, I would be SO angry. If I were you, I'd write her a letter telling her that you're perfectly aware that she planned it all on purpose, that you're out hundreds of dollars, and that you don't believe for one second that she booked the train and hotel, and that you are perfectly aware that she posted the day-out photos knowing you would see them.

I would send it by email....BUT, I would also copy her husband. I bet he has NO IDEA what she did, that she lied to you about attending, and the supposed train and hotel bookings, and that the day out was the day of your wedding and she posted so that you would see. I bet he has no idea what a bitch he's married to, and he should know. If you have any mutual friends, copy them too. And her parents/siblings, if you know them. She should be embarrassed in front of her family and circle. I told my ex-H's mother and brother about what he did to me, copying ex-H, and I got an email back rom him saying "HOW DARE YOU"! Hahahahaaa!

Do it. Embarrass her. She did this whole thing on purpose and she deserves to be exposed.

If you're sure you haven't done anything to warrant this level of aggression from her, then I smell good old-fashioned jealousy. Weddings are rife with it among the bride's friends. I hate that stereotype but I'm sorry, they are.

One hundred percent. And her husband should know what she did.

I kind of think you should unblock her and call her / text her asking if you can talk. You’ll have the question about why for the rest of your life, and you might as well try to find out! You sound like you have fairly thick skin so if she swipes back at you you can just block and delete

Of course she deserve worse in my opinion. Wonder why she said she would attend the wedding and then didnt maybe theres more to the story if op missed an event or something

How embarrassing it would be if the friend had actually just been diagnosed with something or something else bad had actually happened - then OP would look like a real bell end if she followed your advice! There’s no evidence to support your idea.

please don’t follow this poster’s advice OP. absolutely not classy or cool. Vicious and unnecessary.

I actually think she planned not to come and not telling you so she can hurt you. Can you remember if you ever promised to attend an event but you cancelled or didnt show up. Prior to the 2 years of not seeing each other or in the meantime

If it were me I'd message as I'd want to know. But honestly you may never find out the truth anyway so probably better to keep them both blocked. Some people are just stupid and selfish. Other people don't start off that way but life changes them to be so. Who knows what's wrong with her but at least you know who she is now and that you don't need to rely on her any more.

I definitely wouldn't prank call her from someone else's phone and return the drunken message....

I'm amazed at the people trying to make excuses for her, especially the poster who thinks her posting on social media on the day is a sign she's actually having a breakdown and making extra effort to look normal 😆
She sounds awful.

She’s a twat. I’d send her a bill for the wedding meals in the post. I know she wouldn’t actually pay but it would piss her off, so worth it in my passive aggressive opinion 😂

My cousin never showed up to my wedding despite saying he would and he was honoured to receive an invitation. He never explained either but I hadn’t seen him much. Only at my dads funeral so I assumed he’d bottled it on the day.

I’m sorry you’ve found out your friend is pretty awful and really doesn’t care about your friendship so forget about her completely and live your best life.

Ps block all the other numbers too - don’t give them a second thought!