Wedding no show. Was I unreasonable to block her?

[Nowtinit]

I got married earlier this year. It was a fairly big wedding. 100 guests with a sit down meal etc.

I used to have a friend who I was fairly close to back in the day. Knew each other from school. Had many a fun night out drinking in our youth as well as some holidays away etc. She got married and had her kids a few years back now (her children are 8 and 10 now) but we never lost contact and still saw each other regularly for the most part. She moved away 2 years ago to an area about 2 hours away from our home town. We still kept in touch but neither of us went to see the other as life was always just busy. But we were always friendly on text but they dwindled a bit as well.

Anyway when i was organising the wedding I messaged her to say I know we haven’t been in touch as much but I’d love it if she (and her husband and kids) could come to the wedding, but I understood if it was too much of a hassle coming the 2 hours back this way. She replied immediately saying she’d definitely be coming and would there be a hen do etc. I said there would be but I hadn’t organised that yet so would be in touch and would also send out a formal invite.

I sent the invite, she RSVP’d immediately for the whole family including the meals they wanted etc. Once the hen was organised I sent her those details (night out in our home town. Meal and drinks). She replied great I’ll be there!

Two weeks before the hen party (which was 4 weeks before the wedding) she text to say she’d forgotten it was her nephews birthday the same day as the hen so she couldn’t come. It was quite a blunt text (for her) but I said no problem and I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. She replied with “yes me too. I have our hotel and train all booked!”

Day of the wedding arrived, and she just didn’t show. I checked her instagram and she’d been posting pictures of her family as normal the week leading up to the wedding as well as on the day on the wedding (they appeared to be at a park or similar on the day). I gave it a few days to see if she’d get in touch but nothing. One evening (after a few wines) I did send a passive aggressive text saying I assume you couldn’t make the wedding then? She read it and didn’t reply. So I just deleted and blocked her on everything.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve pretty much just forgotten all about it. But the other night I woke up and I’d had 4 missed calls. 3 were withheld numbers and 1 was her husbands number. One of the withheld numbers had left a voicemail which was just people laughing hysterically followed by someone (female but not my friend) saying bitch really loudly. No idea if it was her/related to her but I’m guessing it was due to her husbands number also ringing me within a few mins of that message.

I don’t really get what happened? She was always a normal person. Not flakey. A good friend. Not aggressive or rude. Just…. Normal. Yes we’d lost touch a bit but we’d never fallen out. I always messaged her happy birthday and she did the same. Yes my post wedding text was a bit PA but the fact she didn’t even bother to let me know she couldn’t come or even apologise after the fact did piss me off a bit. We’d paid for the whole families meals etc and there was 4 wasted seats. To just not get in touch at all was just rude in my opinion. I was quite happy to just forget about her and carry on. But then this weird phone call/voicemail happened and its brought it all back up again. Especially as it seems very out of character for her to be so almost malicious. She’s never been like that before. But I guess maybe she’s changed in the past 2 years. Who knows.

I’d be unblocking everyone and trying to get to the bottom of this - something doesn’t sound right!

The OP had already given her the opportunity for an explanation - she'd previously messaged her about the no-show and got no response. Plus, she'd seen on her social media that she was out enjoying herself and baking with her kids on the day she was meant to be at the wedding, so the OP already knew that she wasn't unwell or going through a crisis or anything like that. There's nothing childish about getting rid of someone who treats you that badly.

By contrast, calling someone who has blocked you - when you were the one who had ghosted them in the first place! - to giggle and call them a bitch on voicemail IS extremely childish.

Honestly, OP, this woman sounds nuts.

Why are so many people making excuses for the friend being a flaky bitch?

Sometimes you can't get "closure". It is not worth the head space.

I am sorry that such a good friendship has ended like this.

I would not make any effort to get in contact.

My guess would be you thought you had "just" lost contact, but for her there was some perceived falling out or offence given. This was her chance at some petty revenge- getting you to pay for meals etc that she had no intention of taking.

Please don't waste anymore time and energy on this. If you get in contact it could result in more late night calls they are obviously a bit bonkers and you don't need this stress in your life. They are not nice people, cut them off, block all numbers and move on.
Trust me OP karma always wins out in the end and nobody needs this drama.

I think everyone on here is trying to be really kind and defend your friend, but really her behaviour is completely unacceptable. If I was admitted to hospital or had a real problem the day of someone’s wedding, at least 48 hours later I would’ve sent a message via my husband, or another family member,
to apologise. You have not had any of that.

you are perfectly entitled to block this person and leave her out of your life. If you continue to have her on social media, you’ll be forced to face her photographs all of the time. You sent her a message, and gave her the right of reply. Instead of calling you to apologise to explain you got a missed call from the husband‘s phone and some unkind voicemails. Block and delete and leave it. You are not being childish. We are not put on this earth to be punching bags for immature or damaged people.

Sometimes people behave in unacceptable ways and it is okay to draw a line and say that you won't accept it. You don't have to think of all kinds of permutations that could make it acceptable, downplaying your own feelings and making it unreasonable to be upset and hurt by her behaviour. You are allowed to prioritise your own feelings. She let you down and cost you a lot of money on a very special day. You are not unreasonable to cut her off. The way she has behaved now suggests that wasn't a bad decision to make.

Well it's your call, but I would have maybe messaged her to see what her response was. It was given your comments about her SM potentially very inconsiderate of her - but blocking her before you found out seems childish.

Not turning up to a wedding when OP has paid for food/drink for a family of four with no apology or explanation is also quite an extreme thing to do. OP was obviously hurt and understandably pissed off.

OP didn't post her passive-aggressive post until over a week after the wedding, so her 'friend' had plenty of time and opportunity to explain her absence from OP's wedding before she was blocked. She just didn't bother. The fact that her friend was posting pictures of herself and her family out and about on the day of OP's wedding was just rubbing salt into OP's wound.

This.

Lucky escape I would say. Sorry that happened. I hope you have other lovely friends.

Me too. I would be wondering about her mental health and/or domestic abuse. Sometimes not everything is as it seems.

Some people treat others atrociously then immediately blame them for being overly sensitive or emotional when the friend stands up for themselves. Its obviously far easier than admitting she's been a nasty bitch, I've seen it a few times with some absolute twats all of whom I've now cut off.

Thank god she lives 2 hours away and you won't run into her. Don't speak to her again, there is absolutely no reason she couldn't have still messaged you the day after the wedding if it was a genuine emergency like the whole family getting norovirus.

I would contact the husband too and ask about the missed call as you've had a few weird voicemails late at night... embarrass him into reminding his twatty wife she's not a nasty 14 year old in the common room.

Is there any possibility that she has a different number now and someone else replied to your texts?

She did message her and her friend ignored the message

I would as well.

I would message her husband to ask if everything is ok as you missed a call from him last night.

If to don’t then it will stay unresolved and may rear up again later.

Maybe she had every intention of coming but it was just a bit too much organising or whatever, then she was too embarrassed to call you on the day? Whatever reason there was, she was 100% in the wrong and like others have said, its easier to pretend that you're a dick than accept that she is...and her new friends and husband, by the sound of it. It's easier said than done, but I'd suggest giving yourself a pat on the back for trying to maintain a friendship, being kind and generous, and be glad that you're no longer ftiends with someone who acts like a silly, mean 12 year old leaving pathetic voicemails
Xx

I am gobsmacked by people calling you childish OP for blocking your friend when she was calling you multiple times at 1am in the morning and literally calling you a bitch! Seriously?- do you think that sounds like gown up adult behaviour??

I think you are well rid of this vile person. If she was well enough to post instagram photos of national trusts visits and cake baking then she was certainly well enough to politely decline attendance at your wedding.

She is a rude, insufferable cunt and you're better off without someone like this in your life. Even if she was upset with you, she could have used her words and spoken to you like a grown up instead of engaging in childish teenage phone pranks. Pathetic.

I’d leave it. It’s still clearly playing on her mind to leave the messages. But what a weirdo. You know you have done nothing wrong and were being kind to invite her. It’s her that looks a fucking oddball now.

Sounds like they were all egging each other on to call you with withheld numbers and say nasty things.

It's good you didn't message the husband, they would twist it into you not being to let go.

Block and delete them all and good riddance to bad rubbish.

Nope - she was dicking about in a park/national trust place and baking cakes.

I wonder was it a friend in the group that made the bitch voicemail and that she used the husband's phone to let you know.

If that's the case then,

A: This woman has been bitching to her friends about the OP, since they don't share any mutual ones.

B: She phoned to let the OP know but didn't leave any voicemail or text to explain when she got no reply.

There is not a chance in hell I wouldn’t tell somebody I wasn’t coming to their wedding. What a rude bitch. Is there a possibility she was jealous? Otherwise she’s a despicable, rude cunt and I’d have blocked her too.

She probably has a really skewed perspective where she thinks you're the unreasonable one for blocking someone because they didn't turn up to your wedding. I'd just keep them all blocked and move on.