Wedding no show. Was I unreasonable to block her?

[Nowtinit]

I got married earlier this year. It was a fairly big wedding. 100 guests with a sit down meal etc.

I used to have a friend who I was fairly close to back in the day. Knew each other from school. Had many a fun night out drinking in our youth as well as some holidays away etc. She got married and had her kids a few years back now (her children are 8 and 10 now) but we never lost contact and still saw each other regularly for the most part. She moved away 2 years ago to an area about 2 hours away from our home town. We still kept in touch but neither of us went to see the other as life was always just busy. But we were always friendly on text but they dwindled a bit as well.

Anyway when i was organising the wedding I messaged her to say I know we haven’t been in touch as much but I’d love it if she (and her husband and kids) could come to the wedding, but I understood if it was too much of a hassle coming the 2 hours back this way. She replied immediately saying she’d definitely be coming and would there be a hen do etc. I said there would be but I hadn’t organised that yet so would be in touch and would also send out a formal invite.

I sent the invite, she RSVP’d immediately for the whole family including the meals they wanted etc. Once the hen was organised I sent her those details (night out in our home town. Meal and drinks). She replied great I’ll be there!

Two weeks before the hen party (which was 4 weeks before the wedding) she text to say she’d forgotten it was her nephews birthday the same day as the hen so she couldn’t come. It was quite a blunt text (for her) but I said no problem and I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. She replied with “yes me too. I have our hotel and train all booked!”

Day of the wedding arrived, and she just didn’t show. I checked her instagram and she’d been posting pictures of her family as normal the week leading up to the wedding as well as on the day on the wedding (they appeared to be at a park or similar on the day). I gave it a few days to see if she’d get in touch but nothing. One evening (after a few wines) I did send a passive aggressive text saying I assume you couldn’t make the wedding then? She read it and didn’t reply. So I just deleted and blocked her on everything.

It’s been a couple of months now and I’ve pretty much just forgotten all about it. But the other night I woke up and I’d had 4 missed calls. 3 were withheld numbers and 1 was her husbands number. One of the withheld numbers had left a voicemail which was just people laughing hysterically followed by someone (female but not my friend) saying bitch really loudly. No idea if it was her/related to her but I’m guessing it was due to her husbands number also ringing me within a few mins of that message.

I don’t really get what happened? She was always a normal person. Not flakey. A good friend. Not aggressive or rude. Just…. Normal. Yes we’d lost touch a bit but we’d never fallen out. I always messaged her happy birthday and she did the same. Yes my post wedding text was a bit PA but the fact she didn’t even bother to let me know she couldn’t come or even apologise after the fact did piss me off a bit. We’d paid for the whole families meals etc and there was 4 wasted seats. To just not get in touch at all was just rude in my opinion. I was quite happy to just forget about her and carry on. But then this weird phone call/voicemail happened and its brought it all back up again. Especially as it seems very out of character for her to be so almost malicious. She’s never been like that before. But I guess maybe she’s changed in the past 2 years. Who knows.

I agree

Or she's just rude. We had four no shows to our wedding, one friend who would have been part of a large group of people she knew (and never any signs of social anxiety) plus three relatives of DH who came to the church but did not think to tell us that they weren't coming to the reception. Bloody rude. We had people we couldn't invite as we'd reached capacity at the venue and were charged for their meals. I've made absolutely no effort with them since.

Don’t get me wrong, she has behaved appallingly and you are owed a massive, grovelling apology - for both the no show, and for not letting you know as soon as humanly possible. I didn’t mean to diminish that at all.

I just think if a long term friend of mine has missed a major life event of mine and then gone silent on me, I would be genuinely concerned as well as pissed off, and given her a chance to respond.

I honestly can't imagine not showing up to someone's wedding, then trying to blame them for it. My OCD brain just does not compute!

Yeah, she could be seriously ill or something.

Seriously ill but well enough to post on social media wandering around NT property on the day of the wedding?

Come on. She’s taken the piss and isn’t a good friend.

I would have been absolutely fuming at her behaviour in not turning up, far angrier even than you seem to be. The cancelling of the hen do for a nephew's birthday might have been a forewarning of her lack of commitment though. I wouldn't have blocked her but certainly would be finished with her forever.

Then how was she posting on social media the day of the wedding and the day afterwards if she was "seriously ill"?

Whilst walking around a park and baking?

Perhaps she had just been given the diagnosis.

Life goes on.

Oh give over.

Sorry! Was just being tongue in cheek. I forgot that these are serious matters.

The main point of the op's post was that this behaviour was out of character. Men get blamed because they are often the problem.

😂 I am now just waiting for "maybe she has early onset dementia so #bekind"

Seriously ill and her husband chooses to ring me (who hasn’t seen her in 2 years) at 1am?

The 'friend' would have known that posts on social media on the day of the wedding (whether the pics were taken that day or previously) would have been seen by the OP. Either she was (at best) thoughtless or (at worst) trying to rub OP's nose in it. The mind boggles.

Team OP.

These days we're expected to do mental gymnastics to allow for a thousand different scenarios that might excuse poor behaviour because "mental health", "abuse" and then crawl after said "friends" to check they are OK

Sometimes a spade is a spade and a twat is a twat.

She bailed on the hen via message.
She bailed on the wedding without communication.
She crank called pissed up in the middle of the night to call you a bitch.

At some point it's just not OPs job to make allowances for a flakey friend who is behaving more and more poorly. She's made her bed, she can lie in it.

Some people really need others to be the villains.

Calling you up and shouting bitch…wtf?

I’d ignore it. Be relieved she didn’t come if this is who she is now.

Yeah, this. Edited to add - it's not OPs job to turn into a bloody private detective to work out whether or not her friend is ok. People need to take responsibility for their own behaviours. This 'friend' has not done that at all.

Got to love MN these days, some people just love to try and make out the OP is wrong no matter what!

OP your friend was very rude. You’ve blocked now and can move on. Don’t rise to their pathetic drunken late night voicemails, it’s like they’re teenagers!

It’s quite strange seeing people tying themselves in knots to justify it. The friend has been unfathomably rude, no ifs, no buts.

This. People stop finding excuses for the no show wedding guest.

To be honest I wouldn't give the stupid cow any more headspace, she's taken the piss out of you by not showing up on the day then posting on social media knowing you would see it without even bothering to apologise or explain. Who cares what she has going on in her life, it isn't your problem. Block her and if you ever run into her again walk straight past her like you don't even know her.

This x a million! I'm astonished so many posters think the onus should be on OP to chase the friend for an explanation as to why she rudely swerved her wedding with zero communication.