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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dm wants me to forgo car seats. Wwyd?

155 replies

Carseatdrama · 12/08/2025 12:19

So we are going on holiday this week. Df has offered to drive us the ten miles to the airport which was gratefully received. It's about 10 miles, on motorway and national roads. Dc are 6 and 7 so have car seats.

Dm wants to wave us off at the airport and has just had a massive go at me for insisting on using car seats resulting in her hanging up when I didn't change my mind. Me and dc could fit in the back with no car seats but not with. She thinks im being ridiculous for insisting on putting them in them and therefore ruining her idea of being able to wave them off. She could say bye to them at my house before we go too.

Df is a taxi driver not to dripfeed so can get away with this as people would presume its a fare paying job so normal laws don't apply.

My take is that it's an unnecessary risk and I'm not comfortable with it. Df offered to drop her off at the airport before coming back to pick us up but she didn't want to sit in greggs for an hour.

Yabu - it's not a big deal, just ditch the car seats
Yanbu - safety first!

OP posts:
MCF86 · 12/08/2025 13:39

Switcher · 12/08/2025 13:29

Yeah that's what I would do at those ages. They could well be in the guidelines anyway depending on the kids height.

Show quote history

If Granny had suggested it and was going to buy them, I'd consider it if my DC were tall enough. But it's utterly bat shit that she's having this strop in the first place, no way I would be going out of my way to fix it for her!

IleSolitude · 12/08/2025 13:39

"Mum, if we got into an accident and something happened to the kids, you'd never forgive yourself. I'm not going to risk putting you through that".

Elephantonabroom · 12/08/2025 13:41

Carseatdrama · 12/08/2025 12:19

So we are going on holiday this week. Df has offered to drive us the ten miles to the airport which was gratefully received. It's about 10 miles, on motorway and national roads. Dc are 6 and 7 so have car seats.

Dm wants to wave us off at the airport and has just had a massive go at me for insisting on using car seats resulting in her hanging up when I didn't change my mind. Me and dc could fit in the back with no car seats but not with. She thinks im being ridiculous for insisting on putting them in them and therefore ruining her idea of being able to wave them off. She could say bye to them at my house before we go too.

Df is a taxi driver not to dripfeed so can get away with this as people would presume its a fare paying job so normal laws don't apply.

My take is that it's an unnecessary risk and I'm not comfortable with it. Df offered to drop her off at the airport before coming back to pick us up but she didn't want to sit in greggs for an hour.

Yabu - it's not a big deal, just ditch the car seats
Yanbu - safety first!

your DM is ridiculous. why can't she just wave bye bye when you set of from home.

ClaredeBear · 12/08/2025 13:41

Not sure she’s to be trusted with your children if she thinks you’re wrong. Does she ever mind them?

MarioLink · 12/08/2025 13:45

Your mother is being ridiculous. If your children are under 135 cm you would be breaking the law. The situation where you were stranded in the middle of the night and used a taxi is different and legal as it was an emergency. I can't understand why she needs to wave you off at the airport; does she really love airports?

PigletSanders · 12/08/2025 13:45

At the risk of being intrusive, you don’t mention the kids’ father and you don’t drive, so are your parents still quite involved in your life on a daily basis? Do they often assist you? Not that any of this justifies her lunacy, but it might explain some blurred boundaries she may have.

thepariscrimefiles · 12/08/2025 13:50

Carseatdrama · 12/08/2025 13:20

It is ridiculous.

Logistically the airport has a pick up and drop off section that's £5 to enter and I think its 10 mins max. Its not directly outside the airport you have to cross a road so by time we got the suitcases and kids out, got it all in hand, walked over, and she'd have to walk back immediately.

She did say to me that I didn't hear this yesterday but she apologised to dd because she wouldn't be able to come to the airport and that made dd sad so I'm upsetting my dd by enforcing my position on the car seats. I don't know why she thinks this is normal.

What a manipulative, toxic, guilt-tripping nightmare she is! Upsetting your DD on purpose to get her own way.

Littleredgoat · 12/08/2025 13:56

She just has FOMO because your DF is getting to be there.

mamabearlove · 12/08/2025 14:05

Absolutely no way would my children have their safety put at risk just to humour my relative or anyone!! She is selfish and self absorbed.

mamabearlove · 12/08/2025 14:10

Iris2020 · 12/08/2025 12:58

Well obviously it's better to use car seats and silly of your mother to make a fuss.

That said, it's a big mental shift for for many if her generation who grew up piling 15 kids into the back and boot. And yes, as PP has pointed out, unless you’re leaving from the isle of man airport or something, she won't be able to leave the car to wave you off anyway without paying a small fortune, and when she gets inside will have to leave you before you even check your bags in...

Disagree. My Mother who would be over 90 now if alive and would never have transported my children intentionally without car seats ! And yes we as children were unrestrained because there wasn’t the awareness that there has been for the last 40+ years .

ukathleticscoach · 12/08/2025 14:11

Wave her off with 2 fingers

Muffinmam · 12/08/2025 14:13

Your children’s safety trumps your mother wanting to travel in the front seat to the airport. She’s not driving you. She would be a passenger and taking up valuable safe and putting your children at risk.

Her behaviour after being told no is utterly unacceptable.

Jom222 · 12/08/2025 14:16

Carseatdrama · 12/08/2025 12:40

100% agree.

I'm not going to change my mind, dc will always be first. She got annoyed yesterday and said I was a hypocrite because on the way back from a day trip to London our train was initially delayed then cancelled because of a suicide on the line. So at midnight, me and dc were stuck at the station before our city in the cold and wet. I grouped together with another stranded woman and we ubered back to our main city, about 15/20 mins on motorway. Difference was that was an emergency situation and there was no other transport options. It was literally that or sit in a train station on our own til morning. So that's her gotcha moment.

Then df rang me this morning about something else but brought it up and I explained I wasn't going to change my mind. Then dm herself called me to ask me to reconsider about an hour later, as soon as I said no and explained it she had a massive go and eventually hung up saying that I'll be asking for her help with childcare in September and I've pissed her off.

Show quote history

so she's threatening not to help with childcare if you don't bow to her demands? And from your following message she's manipulating your child? NOPE.

I don't know about you but I don't negotiate with terrorists. I'd have to let loose on anyone trying this on me, hope you tell her where to go OP

littleorangefox · 12/08/2025 14:16

Flossflower · 12/08/2025 13:27

Not as safe and the front seat will have to be moved right back because of the airbag.

Show quote history

The airbag should be switched off if there is a child car seat in the front.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 12/08/2025 14:19

Yanbu of course. She wants to potentially risk her grandkids' lives just so she can wave you off?! Crazy. Don't give in to her.

GiantTeddyIsTired · 12/08/2025 14:21

If they were a bit older, maybe, but at 6 and 7, on the motorway.. no.

Can she definitely not squeeze in between since it's a short journey? Probably not, I know that in my car even 3 people without the car seats is a bit of a squeeze

edit: plus of course drop-off time is strictly enforced these days - you really want to say goodbye at home not the airport

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 12/08/2025 14:24

ukathleticscoach · 12/08/2025 14:11

Wave her off with 2 fingers

👏👏I miss the laugh reaction!

Createausername1970 · 12/08/2025 14:32

LemonTT · 12/08/2025 13:02

Unless you need and want an extra pair of hands to deal with the children whilst you check in or do drop off your mother is just going to be in the way. And she will be waving you off into a queue.

Tell your father that it was good of him to offer to help and you appreciate his offer. But it isn’t worth falling out over so you will sort out something else. Don’t even take the compromise offer because on the day she will contrive to be in the car with you.

Yes, your DF will turn up in his taxi and she will be sitting in the front seat.

Say "look dad, thanks for the offer, it's much appreciated, but the whole thing is getting out of hand. I don't want to fall out with either of you, but we will make alternative arrangements"

Then book another taxi (with car seats) an
hour earlier than your DF was coming so you are on your way earlier and hopefully through check-in if she decides to turn up at the airport anyway and be awkward.

Isobel201 · 12/08/2025 14:41

YANBU you're only going on holiday for a week, not jetting off to Australia for a permanent move. Your mother is making a lot of fuss over nothing.

PullTheBricksDown · 12/08/2025 14:50

If you have relied on her for childcare in the past, now is the time to stop and make alternative arrangements. Even if you think you can't afford it - make it work. She's putting her wishes above the safety of the kids.

AugustSlippedAwayIntoAMomentInTime · 12/08/2025 14:51

GasPanic · 12/08/2025 13:35

Save the hassle and order your own taxi. It's ten miles.

This

Plus at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if she was in the car waiting when it was time to leave and refuse to get out.

sesquipedalian · 12/08/2025 14:52

OP, your mother is being quiet, quite ridiculous - as a grandparent, I’d never put something as unimportant as “waving you off at the airport” over my DGC's safety. Ask your DM how she would feel if there were an accident, and one of her DGC were injured as a result of not being in a car seat. She is making your departure all about her - it’s utter nonsense.

SummerIsNotOverYet · 12/08/2025 14:55

Sometimes you read in the news that there was a car crash and the only fatality was the baby or the small child. There is a reason for this. It is often that the baby or child wasn't in an appropriate car seat, or it wasn't fixed in properly and on impact they suffered a significant impact.

Now I know this, I would NEVER put my DC on a car without a proper fixed in car seat.

Namenamchange · 12/08/2025 14:56

MIL’s have been cut off for less.. Just saying.

I struggle to understand how selfish your mum is being. I place money on this not being the first time she has been self centred.

moderndilemma · 12/08/2025 14:59

So your dm browbeats your df (and gets her own way), she manipulates your dd by saying how sad she will be not to 'wave her off', and she attempts to blackmail you by threatening to withdraw childcare.

I really hope you don't need her for substantial support because they only way to deal with this is to have some very heavy boundaries.

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