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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dm wants me to forgo car seats. Wwyd?

155 replies

Carseatdrama · 12/08/2025 12:19

So we are going on holiday this week. Df has offered to drive us the ten miles to the airport which was gratefully received. It's about 10 miles, on motorway and national roads. Dc are 6 and 7 so have car seats.

Dm wants to wave us off at the airport and has just had a massive go at me for insisting on using car seats resulting in her hanging up when I didn't change my mind. Me and dc could fit in the back with no car seats but not with. She thinks im being ridiculous for insisting on putting them in them and therefore ruining her idea of being able to wave them off. She could say bye to them at my house before we go too.

Df is a taxi driver not to dripfeed so can get away with this as people would presume its a fare paying job so normal laws don't apply.

My take is that it's an unnecessary risk and I'm not comfortable with it. Df offered to drop her off at the airport before coming back to pick us up but she didn't want to sit in greggs for an hour.

Yabu - it's not a big deal, just ditch the car seats
Yanbu - safety first!

OP posts:
AmyDudley · 12/08/2025 13:18

Iris2020 · 12/08/2025 12:58

Well obviously it's better to use car seats and silly of your mother to make a fuss.

That said, it's a big mental shift for for many if her generation who grew up piling 15 kids into the back and boot. And yes, as PP has pointed out, unless you’re leaving from the isle of man airport or something, she won't be able to leave the car to wave you off anyway without paying a small fortune, and when she gets inside will have to leave you before you even check your bags in...

I don't know how old OPs mother is, but I'm 66 so probably around my age.
I am of the generation where a load of kids were piled in the back and in the boot. But my children were born in the 80's and we used car seats.
There is no big mental shift at all, people of my generation are neither imbeciles nor dinosaurs and can perfecty comprehend a change in attitude (and law) that came about when our children were small.

OP your mother is self absorbed and bonkers, but I'm sure that isn;t news to you. Do what you need to do to keep your children safe and ignore her nonsense.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 12/08/2025 13:18

I'd be telling her that you're disappointed she is putting her own grandchildren's safety at risk for her own selfish wants.

She's a disgrace.

WWomble · 12/08/2025 13:18

Appease your mother or your children’s safety? No contest, can’t believe the risk she’s asking you to take. Either find another way to get to the airport or alternative childcare in September. You are right OP, don’t let them wear you down.

SpaceRaccoon · 12/08/2025 13:20

I don't know how old OPs mother is, but I'm 66 so probably around my age.
I am of the generation where a load of kids were piled in the back and in the boot. But my children were born in the 80's and we used car seats.
There is no big mental shift at all, people of my generation are neither imbeciles nor dinosaurs and can perfecty comprehend a change in attitude (and law) that came about when our children were small.

Yep. I grew up somewhere with shite safety standards, but 50 year old DH said his parents were diligent about seatbelts and car seats when they were young.

Original poster
Carseatdrama · 12/08/2025 13:20

It is ridiculous.

Logistically the airport has a pick up and drop off section that's £5 to enter and I think its 10 mins max. Its not directly outside the airport you have to cross a road so by time we got the suitcases and kids out, got it all in hand, walked over, and she'd have to walk back immediately.

She did say to me that I didn't hear this yesterday but she apologised to dd because she wouldn't be able to come to the airport and that made dd sad so I'm upsetting my dd by enforcing my position on the car seats. I don't know why she thinks this is normal.

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 12/08/2025 13:22

Good grief, car seats notwithstanding, the last thing you need at an airport when you’re trying to juggle children, check in, passports, luggage, and whatnot is a bout of performative grandmothering. It’s also extra faff and cost. Instead of being dropped off near the terminal you’ll have to park up at ridiculous expense - it’s £15 for an hour at my small regional airport. I would be very hurt that your mother feels it’s more important for her to wave at kids going on holiday for a week than for their actual safety.

ThejoyofNC · 12/08/2025 13:23

Bloody hell I really hope you're not actually relying on her for childcare in September.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 12/08/2025 13:24

"She did say to me that I didn't hear this yesterday but she apologised to dd because she wouldn't be able to come to the airport and that made dd sad so I'm upsetting my dd by enforcing my position on the car seats."

Fuck me, that woman's a piece of work.

Shame on YOU op for putting your children's safety over them being "sad" that their manipulative grandma won't be able to say goodbye to them, as that can ONLY apparently be done at the actual airport 🙄

fthisfthatfeverything · 12/08/2025 13:25

Are they any where near 135cm tall?

ThrivingIn2025ing · 12/08/2025 13:25

ThejoyofNC · 12/08/2025 13:23

Bloody hell I really hope you're not actually relying on her for childcare in September.

Exactly what I came on to say!

Sometimes I feel really sad to have a shit family who do nothing with my children and then there are times when I’m grateful not to be beholden to anyone for anything.

saying that I'll be asking for her help with childcare in September and I've pissed her off

I’d be sorting something else for September pronto.

FullOfMomsense · 12/08/2025 13:25

The car safety laws re: car seats came in around 20 years ago, there's no excuse for old people to keep saying "back in my day we sat in the boot so you'll be fine without them" because 20+ years of safety rules say it wasn't good then and it isn't good now.

Any mental shift isn't due to culture or keeping up with the times, it's stubborn oldies set in their ways and convinced their generation knows best.

MimiSunshine · 12/08/2025 13:25

So she wants to come to the airport today a quick goodbye in the drop off zone?

it’s a pointless waste of time and compromise of safety for nothing. It’s not like the good old days where you could walk through an airport and watch the planes take off and wave to people leaving their gates.

MinnieGirl · 12/08/2025 13:26

Carseatdrama · 12/08/2025 13:20

It is ridiculous.

Logistically the airport has a pick up and drop off section that's £5 to enter and I think its 10 mins max. Its not directly outside the airport you have to cross a road so by time we got the suitcases and kids out, got it all in hand, walked over, and she'd have to walk back immediately.

She did say to me that I didn't hear this yesterday but she apologised to dd because she wouldn't be able to come to the airport and that made dd sad so I'm upsetting my dd by enforcing my position on the car seats. I don't know why she thinks this is normal.

So now she’s using DD as ammunition…..it gets worse! I would tell the kids that granny is having a funny five moments and we won’t worry about it….
Get there by public transport. Far too much hassle now, and really think about how much she needs to be around your kids…

Flossflower · 12/08/2025 13:27

Hercisback1 · 12/08/2025 13:05

Put a kid in the front in the car seat, and 2 adults in the back.

Not as safe and the front seat will have to be moved right back because of the airbag.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/08/2025 13:27

Your parents are in the wrong here. Stick to your guns... and it's good practice anyway because I bet they are like this about all sorts of other things.

I had to dig in my heels because I wasn't prepared to let a relative have my DC for a week... because they insisted they would be driving them about. Not only did this couple spend all their time in the car fiercely arguing that it was so unpleasant to be in the vehicle... but they'd kept it quiet about several crashes. I just didn't trust their driving and wasn't prepared to risk it. This caused enormous offence, but so be it. I wanted my DC to be safe and not upset by arguing. And yes, they weren't interested in car seats either "only for babies and toddlers," despite explaining that the child had to be at the right height for seatbelt etc.

Sometimes the price of a favour is just too high.

ThrivingIn2025ing · 12/08/2025 13:28

And just to reinforce your decision OP, a family we know were hit by a van over the summer holidays. They were on the motorway and it flipped their car upside down. Both parents in the front were injured and taken to hospital. DC, who were both in car seats in the back, walked away physically unharmed.

Switcher · 12/08/2025 13:29

parietal · 12/08/2025 12:30

Can’t a 6 and 7 year old sit on the £5 booster seats from Tesco and be safe but still have space for 3 in the back? But if you want them in big seats, that is your choice.

Yeah that's what I would do at those ages. They could well be in the guidelines anyway depending on the kids height.

Mrsbloggz · 12/08/2025 13:31

I would say don't be ridiculous I'm not doing that and refuse to engage any further on the subject!
She sounds like someone who always needs to be the center of attention.

Xyloplane · 12/08/2025 13:31

shellyleppard · 12/08/2025 12:21

I'd rather have my children safe than someone wave them off at the airport. If she's that desperate could your df make two trips?? Or she just waves them off at the house??

Make two trips so she can wave at her grandchildren in one location rather than another? I really couldn’t indulge this nonsense. Book a taxi and save yourself the hassle OP.

HisNibs · 12/08/2025 13:32

Your DM is resorting to someone pretty low tricks there OP. I think no matter what, you need to arrange alternative transport. There's no telling that she may turn up with DF in the taxi on the day to force you to comply with her demands so I wouldn't chance it now. I've no idea what she's like normally but this is a very small/pointless hill she's chosen to die on.

MCF86 · 12/08/2025 13:33

Flossflower · 12/08/2025 13:27

Not as safe and the front seat will have to be moved right back because of the airbag.

Show quote history

Plus I'd really not want her to get her way at this point!

PractisingMyTelekenipsis · 12/08/2025 13:33

YANBU but some people are really weird about car seats. My brother doesn't use them for any of his dc, apparently they don't need them as they are all "advanced" for their ages. They are all small for their ages too. Only the 11 year old is over the 4ft5 requirement.

Mrsbloggz · 12/08/2025 13:34

I would also no longer trust her to look after my children, she will want to prove that she is right and that you are being silly /over fussy and this could lead to them being put at risk.
However part of the reason she feels able to behave like this will be that she knows you need her (for childcare) and therefore she has some leverage.

GasPanic · 12/08/2025 13:35

Save the hassle and order your own taxi. It's ten miles.

nozbottheblue · 12/08/2025 13:38

DM may be (subconsciously?) thinking back to former days (that I can remember!) when you could actually wave somebody off as they crossed the tarmac and went up the steps on to the aeroplane 😊
As posters above have said, the actual “waving off” at the airport now isn’t really a thing- it’s just the start of the process when you have to leave anyone not flying, behind.
If I was that desperate I’d “sit in Greggs for an hour” rather than challenge my child’s decision on safety rules.
Your decision stands.

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