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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really want to swim in my pool but I won’t

194 replies

Sheateallthehummusagain · 11/08/2025 21:11

It’s ridiculous, live abroad so it’s very hot, have a large above ground pool. It’s getting darker now, I have lights all around it and in the garden and the water is warm. I just never go in it though! especially not in the day. We are overlooked by a couple of houses, but not hugely and i’m sure they wouldn’t be looking.
I’m the same at the beach, long to swim in the sea, but don’t anymore
It’s down to feeling self conscious now, i’m a large size 16. Dd keeps asking me to go in and I feel like i’m letting her down now 😔

Does anyone feel the same?

OP posts:
cheesycheesy · 12/08/2025 03:55

No one else is looking at your or gives a monkeys what you’re doing in your own home.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbaam · 12/08/2025 04:29

I’m a size 16 too and went to the pool the other day with DP (after decades) and honestly it was great.

If anything I felt sad that I’ve allowed my self-consciousness to rule my world, I was a size 8 and about 18 when I stopped swimming even though being in the water was essentially my favourite thing in the world.

borntoblossom · 12/08/2025 04:49

I'm a size 22, I love swimming and wear a swim dress which covers more of the lumps and bumps and helps me feel more confident

WiddlinDiddlin · 12/08/2025 05:11

I am so pleased you went in.

Keep it up.

No one cares. Also, your neighbours... they already know what you look like, you don't look different in the pool!

Your daughter DOES know theres a reason you've been swerving the pool and whilst she may not have added it up yet, she will - so get going in there during the day with her before she connects the dots.

Pools.. are one size fits all.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 12/08/2025 05:27

BubblyBath178 · 11/08/2025 21:31

My mum said this to me when I was complaining about something similar and worried that other people would be looking… ‘bubblybath178…you’re just not that interesting’ 😂

You kind of had to be there to hear the tone of it because written down it comes across as really mean. But actually, what she was saying is that other people aren’t as interested in you as you might think. Just do what you want 🤷‍♀️

Your mum is right- nobody cares!

Nomorenonsense2025 · 12/08/2025 05:33

Thank goodness you went in, main character syndrome is such an unpleasant trait.

GiantTeddyIsTired · 12/08/2025 06:52

Just do it. I promise you no-one cares.

We were on holiday in April, and women and men in all shapes and sizes were wandering around the water park.

When I lived a hot place, everyone hung out at the beach in very little. Young and old, fat and thin - no-one even thought about it (either for themselves, or for what other people looked like)

SheReallyLikes · 12/08/2025 06:55

Buy a lovely swim dress, get in the pool 🩷

BusWankers · 12/08/2025 06:58

Sheateallthehummusagain · 11/08/2025 22:29

Went in! 🩵 it was glorious and feels lovely after. This was in dusk/dark though, have to conquer in the sunlight now!

Well done.

StarlightLady · 12/08/2025 07:10

I would just get in the pool. I don’t have the wonder of a pool but l do mow the lawn topless. If people persevere enough l can be seen.

Ceceprincess80 · 12/08/2025 07:16

Its private and you want to swim. So swim. I was the same and still am about swimming suits and bikinis. I turned 45 this year and thought f it. Im not stopping myself from enjoying my life how I want. Get in the water with your kid and enjoy yourselves and f anyone else

Tiredandneedtogotobed · 12/08/2025 07:27

I’m fat 18-22. It’s hard I really get it. I’ve had to do it, the worse was when classmates had swimming pool parties and I’d be the only mum with all the dads but I just think at least I’m the one having fun instead of just watching. I defo faked looking confident!

If you go to the beach look around properly. Not just at the people who are young and slim (you’ll likely focus on the these) but everyone - all shapes and sizes.
it’s taken me a few
wear a t shirt and shorts to help you ease in.
just do it. Please. For yourself and for your daughter.

Ellmau · 12/08/2025 07:28

Well done, OP! Keep it up!

You're so lucky to have a private pool :)

Tiredandneedtogotobed · 12/08/2025 07:29

Hurray! I read your update. Well done! Hope you’re feeling proud of yourself! 💪🏼💪🏼🤩🤩

piscofrisco · 12/08/2025 07:33

No one is looking at you op. and biendlry if they are they don’t care. Don’t limit yourself like this. Life is too short.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 12/08/2025 07:36

Hosepipe ban here: we can’t even fill in our paddling pool.

SummerHouse · 12/08/2025 07:42

You had two jobs OP. Get in the pool. Update Mumsnet. You have not let me down. You are a legend.

TiredofTheirCrap · 12/08/2025 08:00

Sheateallthehummusagain · 11/08/2025 21:11

It’s ridiculous, live abroad so it’s very hot, have a large above ground pool. It’s getting darker now, I have lights all around it and in the garden and the water is warm. I just never go in it though! especially not in the day. We are overlooked by a couple of houses, but not hugely and i’m sure they wouldn’t be looking.
I’m the same at the beach, long to swim in the sea, but don’t anymore
It’s down to feeling self conscious now, i’m a large size 16. Dd keeps asking me to go in and I feel like i’m letting her down now 😔

Does anyone feel the same?

Get in the pool. The more you do it the less you'll care about what others think. We are our own worst enemy.

ThrivingIn2025ing · 12/08/2025 08:04

Sheateallthehummusagain · 11/08/2025 22:29

Went in! 🩵 it was glorious and feels lovely after. This was in dusk/dark though, have to conquer in the sunlight now!

Yes! Small steps OP.

I went in ours yesterday with DS. It was so hot we just stripped to pants and T-shirt and got in. I laughed with him as I said “imagine the neighbours seeing us in here in our pants”.

As someone else said, you get one life OP.

SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 12/08/2025 08:07

Yay! Once you go in you can see that it's worth not paying attention to self consciousness
Also sets a great example for DD
My mum was one who never joined in, never went swimming (hot country) or participated in activities or had fun with us, and it sounds like a small thing but it always made me feel disappointed and sad and almost worried.

UpsetOverWeight · 12/08/2025 08:09

I know exactly how you feel, I’m also size 16. I posted a similar thread yesterday. You’ve had great responses here - good luck and just do it!

Pleasehelp200 · 12/08/2025 08:12

We are a long time dead. It s time to get in the pool.

One day you will luckily be very old and a lot less mobile. The option may not be available. And you may realise then how beautiful your younger you was.

PruthePrune · 12/08/2025 08:14

Nobody gives a shit what you look like, they are too busy getting on with their own lives. Now get in that pool!

ehb102 · 12/08/2025 08:15

I'm a very fat wobbly deformed woman and I refuse to be prevented from living a full life because people might say something or think something. I suggest you live your life to the fullest because what will you remember? That you didn't have lovely pool times because someone might or might not have thought something about you?

I appreciate it's hard but throw off the people pleasing pattern and please yourself. Or get the trauma that put you here sorted.

NotReallyNotAtAll · 12/08/2025 08:19

You can go in with your clothes on if it is easier.

I don't like to wear silly swimming costumes any more but men's trunks and a t shirt are much more dignified.