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AIBU?

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Original poster

Really want to swim in my pool but I won’t

194 replies

Sheateallthehummusagain · 11/08/2025 21:11

It’s ridiculous, live abroad so it’s very hot, have a large above ground pool. It’s getting darker now, I have lights all around it and in the garden and the water is warm. I just never go in it though! especially not in the day. We are overlooked by a couple of houses, but not hugely and i’m sure they wouldn’t be looking.
I’m the same at the beach, long to swim in the sea, but don’t anymore
It’s down to feeling self conscious now, i’m a large size 16. Dd keeps asking me to go in and I feel like i’m letting her down now 😔

Does anyone feel the same?

OP posts:
OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 11/08/2025 21:40

Sheateallthehummusagain · 11/08/2025 21:37

Thanks everyone, feel so shit that I can’t just ket go 😔 it’s like I can’t enjoy myself

i’m fun with her in other ways and she wouldn’t know it was down to how I feel

She's going to work out sooner or later that it's because you're ashamed of your body.

How would you feel if she then became ashamed of hers?

MeganM3 · 11/08/2025 21:41

I find it quite hard to get in a pool. Or the sea. Not for weight reasons. Just find it difficult somehow, I can’t actually identify why.
Very hesitant, despite wanting to.
Feels almost primal in some way.

But yes, echoing others, sod the neighbours. Noones watching. Wear a tshirt or whatever if you want. Bite the bullet! Force yourself to do it every day for a week.. and then most likely you won’t hesitate anymore.

NCTDN · 11/08/2025 21:42

Don’t let your dd down. I’m very self conscious but have realised that I need to just try not to care - not saying it’s easy though.

Really want to swim in my pool but I won’t
Jacarana · 11/08/2025 21:42

Seriously, why limit yourself like this? You have the right to get in that pool and enjoy it like anyone else. Do it for your daughter if nothing else. Think about the positive message you would be giving her by doing it...and the negative one you're giving her by not doing it.
Size 16 is nothing anyway. I'm a size 22 and decided years ago that I was going to enjoy myself in the pool like anyone else
Nobody cares!!

ArtesianWater · 11/08/2025 21:43

You can just let go though OP. This one is simple. Get in the water and it's done. First time will be the hardest and I bet you won't look back.

I recently lost a close friend to cancer way too young. She had a little girl who misses her. You really do only get one life. Please do the things you want to do.

NCTDN · 11/08/2025 21:43

I also had a friend bigger than me who said she always wears a bikini. I was really shocked but true one and all my family said a bikini was actually much more flattering as a two piece than a swimming costume because I just wasn’t one block.

SeenYourArse · 11/08/2025 21:45

You are letting her down AND teaching her that our self worth and happiness is defined by our body shape and size! Get out of your own head and enjoy time playing with your daughter, before you know it she will be not interested in spending time with you anymore as a teen!

SootysCaravan · 11/08/2025 21:47

OP I’m the same size as you but with boobs in different postcodes and I’d be in there like a shot! Make the most of the wonderful life you have ❤️

tripleginandtonic · 11/08/2025 21:47

The advantage of being in the pool is no one can see how fat you are.

Gettingbysomehow · 11/08/2025 21:48

Charabanc · 11/08/2025 21:31

I hate swimming costumes and bikinis. So I bought a short sleeved rash vest, and a pair of swimming shorts. V comfortable, and relaxing to swim in.

Me too I always wear these. I'm 63 and nobody wants to see my chicken legs after a 5 stone weight loss. They look much more acceptable.

PinchOfVom · 11/08/2025 21:48

I can’t do it because the cold
makes me want to throw up, it’s horrible, I’d love to enjoy it but I have a real issue. Honestly…. If you can…..

Londonrach1 · 11/08/2025 21:49

Get in the pool. Who cares or tbh even notices . You live once. Your daughter just wants you. Hope you have amazing time swimming with her

bushtailadventures · 11/08/2025 21:49

Please get in and have fun with your dd. I'm a (size 28/30) grandmother and my 10yr old dgd loves it when I get in the pool with her. We have a lot of fun 🙂

I have to admit I worried about it at first, but I wear a t-shirt and shorts instead of a costume and if the neighbours have nothing better to do than watch what we're doing, thats not my problem.

Bathingforest · 11/08/2025 21:49

I miss mine ...do it for me. Go in

BatchCookBabe · 11/08/2025 21:50

Oh, just get in the pool @Sheateallthehummusagain Size 16 isn't even that big, and as has been said, NO-ONE will care. My DH has always had hang ups about his body - always been a bit on the chubby side with a bit of a pot belly, and he would NEVER go swimming with our DC. At the beach, water parks, or swimming pool. I took them always, and I was overweight. 2-4 stone overweight for much of the past 25 years. (Size 14 to 18.) If I hadn't taken them they would never have gone swimming!

When I tried to ask him to go, (quite a few times,) by the 7th or 8th time I asked, he accused me of bullying him. Nagging and bullying. Purely because I wanted him to come swimming with his children and his wife. Hmm So I never asked again. I just went with them myself. I did resent him for this. And I was annoyed with him for it.

They are adults now - late 20s - and still remember that their dad never went swimming - and they think it was because he couldn't be arsed. They have zero memories of fun times with dad swimming in the sea, or swimming pool or beach, because he was self concious of his body.

Don't be like that ... Get into the swimming pool with your child!

declutteringmymind · 11/08/2025 21:51

If you’re self conscious, it’s better to be in the pool. Less of you to see.

MelliC · 11/08/2025 21:54

No one's looking at you.
Sorry but you really aren't that important!
So be whatever shape you are, do what you want.
Most of the time there is literally nothing going on in other people's heads
They are just thinking about themselves.

TheSilentSister · 11/08/2025 21:54

OP, I just joined a health spa (gym, swimming pool, sauna's etc) with my teenage DS. I was uplifted to find that there are all shapes and sizes there.
It was like being on holiday, there is always someone bigger or more self conscious than you. And for those that are, I say Bravo, not patronising. I'm not fit myself.
I have photos of myself and Ds when we were younger, enjoying ourselves on holiday and I treasure those memories, yes I was fatter than I'd like but what the feck, you can't turn back time.
Do it OP. Take the plunge.

Dery · 11/08/2025 21:56

@Sheateallthehummusagain - you’re waiting to feel comfortable. Stop waiting. This is a case where action must come before feeling ready. Just get into the pool. No excuses. No-one cares. As a PP said: people have got their own stuff going on and they’re not remotely interested in you or what you look like in the pool. I’m bigger than you and I swim regularly.

Just get into the pool and swim. Once you’ve done it a few times, it will get easier and you’ll start to feel ready. But this needs action. Put your feelings to one side and take action. Get into the pool. Swim. Be there for your DD.

Isittimeformynapyet · 11/08/2025 21:58

I haven't got my glasses on and every time someone has written "get in the pool!" it's looked like "get in the poo!!"

Renoonabudget · 11/08/2025 21:58

Size 16 is a completely average body size, noone will look twice or care. Xx Enjoy your pool, I am extremely envious! 😅

InSpainTheRain · 11/08/2025 21:58

I'm size 22, you wouldn't stop me. No one looks or cares.

Hithismyname · 11/08/2025 21:59

I understand. I haven't got my own pool or live abroad unfortunately but I do get very self conscious on holiday when having to wear a bathing suit, I wear a swim dress to hide bum etc. I'm not huge just a 14 but have always been very slim in the past yet even then I was self conscious so it's just been there. I'd love to be confident but I'm not. I do care less now I'm older though somehow. Like other have said just do it noone will be watching easy to say I know but you will feel so much better after I did on my last holiday.

ChewyMints · 11/08/2025 22:00

I used to be like you. And despite all my worrying, I got fatter at the same time.

Then, one day, dunno why, I just thought, fuck it. I am fat. I know other fat people and whether I like them or not, whether I think they're 'good people' - it all depends on who they are. It doesn't seem fair to hold myself to ridiculous standards that I don't apply to everyone.

I am fat. I swim. I wear leggings. I'm still a worthy person. My kids, my parents, my lover, they like me. Chunky n all. I have value. No one cares enough to do what? Think 'omg shes so fat?" It's not gonna be a surprise to anyone is it

If you are fat, you're fat. So what? So fucking what?

And at a large size 16, you sound more like a curvy average than fat.

DancingLions · 11/08/2025 22:00

I live in the middle of London, overlooked by houses on every side. I have a small above ground pool. I'm also a size 16, carry it all on my belly and ass!

I get in the pool whenever I want! I have one of those tankini/swimskirt sets. I wear a light gown over the top and slip it off as I get in. More from a modesty perspective than from a size perspective.

Honestly just do it. I can 100% promise you that no one cares. Most people won't even notice and if they do, they won't give it a second thought. The first time is daunting but once you've done that, it will get easier. Have fun with your DD, it will mean a lot to her.