Really want to swim in my pool but I won’t

[Sheateallthehummusagain]

It’s ridiculous, live abroad so it’s very hot, have a large above ground pool. It’s getting darker now, I have lights all around it and in the garden and the water is warm. I just never go in it though! especially not in the day. We are overlooked by a couple of houses, but not hugely and i’m sure they wouldn’t be looking.
I’m the same at the beach, long to swim in the sea, but don’t anymore
It’s down to feeling self conscious now, i’m a large size 16. Dd keeps asking me to go in and I feel like i’m letting her down now 😔

Does anyone feel the same?

Size 16 is now the average, but that isn't the point-anything could happen to any of us at any time. I have 2 friends who were extremely slim and fit a few years ago-both have had illnesses and put on a lot of weight, but try to do all they can. One isn't allowed to do a lot of things, like go in pools (due to the medical issues, and I actually thought that was what you were going to be posting about (some people who have had implants in their heads due to hearing/operations for tumours apparently can't go swimming, at least that what doctors have apparently said, obviously I doubt that applies to everyone). But the point is that any one of us could become seriously ill and unable to do things, so we need to make the most of life. Would you ever have judged anyone? I never would-there can be many reasons someone is the size they are, and what kind of person would criticise a stranger?

Wow that sounds incredible!! Will you use it in the winter?

Wow, I'm fatter than you (I can only wish to be a size 16 😬) and I swim in pools and at the beach and even go on waterslides 🤣 I spare people the sight of me in a bikini 😅 and wear a normal swimsuit, but other than that I couldn't care less. Absolutely no one cares what anyone else looks like in their bathing suit

I have a comunal pool. Honestly no-one is looking at you

Are you able to swim OP? Don’t worry if not, any movement in the pool will be great for toning you up because of the resistance of the water. Even walking around in it will work your muscles. Add in throwing a ball around, or pushing your DD around on an inflatable etc and you’ll soon have a full work out.

I fully intend to - though may bump the heat up a bit - atm it's at 20 degrees so I get a bit of a shock going in and then am fine as long as I swim fast. It's only the size of two hot tubs and has insulating cover so doesn't take a huge amount of energy to heat

The biggest gift you gain as you get older (I’m mid 50’s) is learning what is important and what isn’t and letting go of the unimportant. I wish I could have told that to my younger self so I’m going to tell it to you. Nobody cares what you look like, you might even feel healthier and lose some weight if you’re swimming in your pool. Wear shorts if you want, imagine how lovely and cool it will be and have fun. Trust me, life is literally too short x

I voted YANBU because your feelings are not unreasonable. But I think you should make yourself go in and then you will forget about it very quickly. Best thing is no one can really see in the water! Have a cover up close to where you’ll get out as a ‘safety blanket’ if it makes you feel better. I always have one close by because I can burn in a second. So many women feel like you at one stage or another but please try not to let it stop you living your life. What was the quote I read? ‘When you stop worrying what you look like in a swimsuit then the second half of your life begins’ ❤️

People aren’t going to be bothered looking at you, they’ll have better things to do.

Do you do lengths then? Is it one that you get resistance ?

Went in! 🩵 it was glorious and feels lovely after. This was in dusk/dark though, have to conquer in the sunlight now!

Yay!!!!!

Fuck if it's daylight next! Remember how bloody lovely you felt and go for it tomorrow full sun!

Glad you went in and honestly the idea anyone will be watching and paying attention is really just in your head. I’m a 20-22 and sea swim with my two kids all the time and truly no one pays any attention at all.

I swim and stay still because the fastlane machine pushes a current at you. So my Apple Watch says I have only gone 25m in 20 minutes. But it’s even better exercise because you swim continuously without pauses at the end of a lap

Yay! Well done

Hi @Sheateallthehummusagain !
I understand and feel your pain. Body insecurities are so difficult to overcome. I've literally just been talking about similar with my best friend!
When I was in my late teens/early 20s I had a really tough time with my mental health and I attempted suicide a few times, but I also self harmed as a way of dealing with things. I have a lot of self harm scars all over my body, but mainly on one of my lower legs. The scars are pretty horrific (needed 126 stitches at the time) and I've spent 20 years hiding them away, sweating like there's no tomorrow in trousers, or next to the pool. People stare - believe it or not, lots do it openly! It's mortifying.
Anyway, 2.5 years ago we adopted my little boy who has sensory issues, and water play is one of his "things". So I HAD to start going swimming. The first few times were awful and there was lots of crying in the toilet when I got home. Until earlier this year when I suddenly thought, "fuck it". I gained confidence by going to the pool with my son and concentrating on him, rather than looking around to see the people looking at me. It's become so fucking liberating!!!

My confidence has now grown so much that I have spent the summer wearing shorts almost every day. For the first time in over 2 decades. I still notice the occasional stare, but I either ignore it or stare back, and they soon stop!

I see people of every size and shape in the pool. Fat, thin, hairy women, scars, tattoos... It's absolutely true when people tell you that no one else gives a flying fuck about the way you look. It's all in your head and it's so easy to let it build and build.

Maybe writing a list of the positives of being in the pool (e.g. making your daughter happy, keeping you cool, etc.)? Something you can return to any time you need it. And just take small steps. You don't have to lounge around the pool with your swimwear on. Maybe put a scarf around your waist, or wear a loose shirt, and then take them off literally just before you get in the water. Baby steps! Because I promise you that once you start it'll get easier and easier, and one day you'll end up thinking "why did I let that go on for so long?"

Sending lots of courage and support. You can do this! X

😆 That's so cute! 🙂

Oh, I didn't see this before posting. WELL DONE, STRANGER ON THE INTERNET!! That's a MASSIVE first step. And so, so glad it was a positive experience for you.

Maybe keep going at dusk for a little while, build your confidence - going in the day will happen eventually, and you've already done the hardest part of biting the bullet and getting in, no matter the time of day. X

I am size 24. I was like you but have a little 8yo water baby. I got myself swim shorts and a rash vest to swim in the sea and have found tankinis with bra support the best thing to wear in the pool. Literally no one cares what you look like but your dd will love you swimming with her.

Fabulous! So proud of you 👏

Don't deny yourself the joy of swimming or being in lovely cooling water, OP.
Feel the fear and do it anyway?
Good luck.

Weirdly I don’t! I’m huge (slightly less huge now after WLI since May!)

I am self conscious everywher, all the time…except in the water. Happy to bob round in my costume at the beach, at the pool, on holiday. But balk at the idea of a social event fully dressed 😂 Go figure!

My thought process (I guess) is that I’ll likely never see those people again, I dunno!

Off topic, but just wore shorts outside for the first time ever I think, certainly as an adult! It was hot and I wanted to walk the dog so just thought sod it! Once you break the seal, I think you’ll be glad you did 💜

Amazing! remember that feeling!

I visit a friend each summer who has a pool overlooked by some houses (not that I think anyone actually cares!) and have floated my size 32 body all the way down to my current size 22 body...have also done the same in the sea and laying on the beach and truly, no one gives a shit, not one (the only time I did get any stares was when I V dramatically slipped on the rocks getting into the sea, swore very loudly and had to do the walk f shame back to my sunlounger with blood running down my leg!) and when I think of all the lovely memories with my gorgeous friend that I could've missed out on, well that would be very sad!

I agree with others, just get in your pool. We had one when we lived abroad. It gives you a different perspective of your garden, it's fabulous. No one will look, or even care if they do see you. If you can get past your worries, you'll love having your own pool.
Edited for spelling.