To leave DH if he loses his second job in three years?

[Joness2]

My DH got dismissed (walked before he was pushed) from his previous job 3 years ago. It was set to go to hearing but his Union representative advised him he was likely to be dismissed so he resigned in order to not have to declare a dismissal when applying for future roles.

I was furious, I was in the early stages of pregnancy and could not believe he would be so stupid. It was a very worrying time for a while with finances etc.

He found a new job about 2 months before our child was born so had minimal paternity leave (he would have had 4 weeks had he not left his job). It caused a lot of resentment and I struggled to get over it.

He has remained in that job without issue until now. He told me after work today that he has been informed of disciplinary action due to inappropriate comments towards (female) colleagues on a night out. This is the exact reason he had to leave his job before. He promised me then he would not go on nights out with work again, something he has mainly stuck to only waning if it’s something where there isn’t drink involved.

This time, he is convinced that he will get a warning and is not at risk of dismissal. This is his opinion rather than factual.

I am so bloody angry with him doing this again and told him that if he loses his job, we are over. Infact, I’m considering leaving regardless having been told the vile comments.

He says I should be supporting him and that we are a team and to threaten to leave is making it ‘about me’.

Do you think I should try to support him through this and how to handle any hearing or would you leave him to clean up his own mess?

Absolutely disgusting, inappropriate remarks. I’m really not to one to shout LTB but in this case I think you should be seriously considering your options. So sorry you’re in this situation.

Has he got form for making these kinds of misogynistic comments outside of work, OP? It seems unlikely that two one-off incidents happened to lead to disciplinary action. I’d bet he’s made similar vile comments before. There are probably people in your life that think he’s a slimeball too.

@Joness2 you are focusing on entirely the wrong part if this problem. He has been making vile comments to other women. That's what you should be angry about.

Wow hes has crossed a massive line and all I can say is if the person he made me inappropriate comments to has reported him then he must of said something offensively bad to report him.

Girl, you are sooooo much better than a man who is this disrespectful. Kick him out

I feel for you. It is very painful to realise that you have given your trust to someone who does not deserve it. You have built your life with a man who doesn’t respect women. That is the bottom line.

Don’t make any hasty decisions. Life changing decisions should not be made when we are angry. Let the anger subside and then look at your life with this man. Although nothing is for certain, it is likely that this recurrent behaviour will continue throughout your life with this partner. The fact that he has not learnt any lessons from the previous serious consequences of losing his job is very telling.

If you decide that you do not want to continue sharing your life with this man, then start to make a plan for your financial security, when you leave the relationship. Don't tell him you are doing this.

You deserve better, but you know that. I hope your future is better than the present.

What the hell are you droning on about. Can you actually understand what the OP is saying ? It seems not.

Sorry you are going through this OP I think you've given him enough chances and after the update on what he has actually said I'd say he's no loss at all.

I have a friend whose partner changes jobs regularly due to some version of arguing with his boss. It’s a horrible way to live; they have no stability and they can never plan anything.

Honestly @Joness2 I think you know your problem is far bigger than financial. He’s a sex-pest. He makes derogatory, horrible comments about/ to women. You have children. I hope you manage to get out as peacefully for you as possible. Sending you strength OP.

YES!

OP, god help you but is awful.
He is creepy sleazy scum.

Take your time, get organised, get support, tell family and friends and get out.

This is who he is. Scum. Sorry.

While OP may well have vowed to stay with her DH for richer for poorer and in sickness and in health, I seriously doubt her vows included "in perviness and misogyny".

OP, I don't think I could stay with a man who made it a habit to sexually harass women, but I also understand nothing is ever quite that simple.

He's a misogynistic pig. He views women as objects for men's pleasure. He objectified women. He thinks he can say whatever he wants because he's hurt, angry, horny qnd get away with it. Losing one job wasn't enough for him to learn his lesson.

This is about you. Do you want to be married to this pig? Can you trust him around your female friends or any women? Do you want your DC to hear his disgusting comments? Do you want then to be like him or pick a man like him?

He's clearly not Incel since he has 2 kids!!

DON’T be ridiculous!?!

If he doesn’t lose his job, would you stay with this creep?

These comments are so awful it's not just the alcohol behind them is it OP? The first lot I could maybe at an extreme push get past, but to do it again and worse is just so revolting. No way has that been a massive personality change after a few drinks, he must think at least partially along those lines.

I was going to say I hope you don't have a daughter, but he's no role model for a son either.

To answer your question, no YANBU. I'm sorry he has put you in this boat. And bollocks to the being a team guilt trip, he wasn't acting like a team when making comments about other women or risking his job to do so AGAIN.

He's clearly not Incel since he has 2 kids!!

BringBackThe1990s? More like BringBackThe1890s. Why do these guys so badly want women to accept so much shit?

No, he's not an incel, he's just an absolute raging creep who would get sacked from a Carry On film for being too tasteless. What makes men think they can act like this with impunity? Where do they learn that this is acceptable?

What a horrible man- you are married to the office creep. I hope there is a clear and safe route for you to get away from him

What would concern me is his complete lack of acknowledgment that all those things he said were gross and inappropriate. That he appears to have no awareness (or just doesn’t care) how his comments are perceived by others. No suggestion of an apology or any recognition that he has been utterly out of order. And no appreciation that any decent man would not think such things, much less say them!

I would want to say this to him and see what his response is.

If it were redundancy, an awful work environment, stress or something like that then I would be supportive. But a second dismissal for comments towards a female colleague then I would be seriously questioning why I married him and who he really is. Because that is definitely not OK.

I would leave because of his repeated behavior, dismissal or not. Shows he clearly hasn't changed and it's being disrespectful to you as well as to other women. It's serious enough for a disciplinary action to take place.

He's disgusting, OP. Those comments are vile and alcohol is no excuse.

Even if he doesn't lose his job, why would you want to stay with someone who sexually harasses women?

He’s horrible. Was he at least drunk when he said these things?

He'd probably say it was just a harmless joke, these stuck up bitches are in the wrong for not appreciating his wit, and then throw in what that deleted guy was saying, basically that they're married and that means it's her moral duty to put up with any amount of shit from her husband and she should just be incredibly grateful to have a man. Yeah, I checked the year on the calendar but I'm afraid they never did actually leave.