To leave DH if he loses his second job in three years?

[Joness2]

My DH got dismissed (walked before he was pushed) from his previous job 3 years ago. It was set to go to hearing but his Union representative advised him he was likely to be dismissed so he resigned in order to not have to declare a dismissal when applying for future roles.

I was furious, I was in the early stages of pregnancy and could not believe he would be so stupid. It was a very worrying time for a while with finances etc.

He found a new job about 2 months before our child was born so had minimal paternity leave (he would have had 4 weeks had he not left his job). It caused a lot of resentment and I struggled to get over it.

He has remained in that job without issue until now. He told me after work today that he has been informed of disciplinary action due to inappropriate comments towards (female) colleagues on a night out. This is the exact reason he had to leave his job before. He promised me then he would not go on nights out with work again, something he has mainly stuck to only waning if it’s something where there isn’t drink involved.

This time, he is convinced that he will get a warning and is not at risk of dismissal. This is his opinion rather than factual.

I am so bloody angry with him doing this again and told him that if he loses his job, we are over. Infact, I’m considering leaving regardless having been told the vile comments.

He says I should be supporting him and that we are a team and to threaten to leave is making it ‘about me’.

Do you think I should try to support him through this and how to handle any hearing or would you leave him to clean up his own mess?

You know them both personally do you ? Because if not, you have no way of knowing. And your misogyny is showing.

When i was still working a final written warning meant any further breach he could be sacked immediately without the right of appeal. Ive seen situations where a FWW was a strategic choice by a manager rather than going straight for dismissal where there could be an appeal. They obviously think he's going to do something again.

So he went from no disciplinary record to a final written warning?

Bullshit. Something has happened in between that you don't know about.

MH problems about things happening at home!!!! He’s a peach isn’t he.
i would be getting my ducks in a row, starting divorce proceedings and then going to his HR department and telling them that your STBX and Union rep are lying through their teeth.
He’s a disgusting specimen, he really is. Vile

OP this is horrendous. What an absolute cad. Pretty clear he doesn’t respect women. Porn addiction in background likely. You don’t deserve this. All credit to you feeling such empathy for the women involved and even though he doesn’t give AF, calling him out anyways.
Does the letter to the hearing cite that one outcome may be dismissal? If so, gross misconduct is a possible outcome. It’s prohibited conduct under the Equality Act (2010) on grounds of sex and sexual orientation (harassment). The dinosaur Union rep should be pulled over the coals too. Any decent rep would’ve outlined to him how serious and unacceptable it is. If any of the women launch an Employment Tribunal claim, has to be within 3 months minus a day from date of last act, is he aware he can be listed as a Respondent and if the complaints are upheld in Claimant’s favour can also be ordered to pay compensation.
Work nights out, formal or informal, can be deemed to be an extension of the workplace.
Exposure best way to navigate through. Hoping if they are around his Mum, sister etc will also kick his backside.

The word is 'luck'.

I imagine her DH being a workplace perv is likely new news, so I don't think it's really appropriate to blame her for the situation she finds herself in.

OP has posted before. I think in his last job he quit before he was pushed, and there have been verbal and other warnings before he got to this point.

Nice bit of victim blaming 🙄

You say you have DC. Girls or boys?
If you have boys you need to watch what he is telling them as will learn from him and I feel sorry if you have girls. My god!!!!

When she’s divorced she won’t be present during the time her children or either sex spend with him and won’t have any control of influence on what they hear.

unfortunately that’s just not going to be possible

Firstly I don’t believe the story about the union rep for a second. Wouldn’t happen. Of course the rep has outlined the seriousness of this, and it’s not like DH doesn’t already know this - he had to quit his last job before he was pushed for the same reasons. DH has had a serious bollocking and it sounds as though he’d chew his own arm off before he’d admit it, so he’s minimising what’s happened by saying the union rep agreed it was ‘just bants’. And claiming mental health at a disciplinary where sacking is on the table just wouldn’t fly without evidence to support it.

To be gross misconduct it would have to meet a higher threshold but even then he couldn’t be summarily dismissed - there would have to be an investigation and a hearing because he could claim unfair dismissal if procedure hadn’t been followed.

DH has been issued with a final written warning - the next move is dismissal and I suspect he’ll be watched like a hawk. And if any of the women involved want to launch a complaint, as you say they are within their rights to do so within three months. But the employers actions would be taken into account, so they may not get anywhere if the employer can show they have acted lawfully and fairly. There isn’t an automatic right to a tribunal - they have to apply and whether the application to proceed is granted depends on the circumstances.

Agree. I’m a little concerned by the tone of some posts. Some posters appear to be blaming OP, or at the very least accusing her of minimising.

Wow. What a charmer. Takeaway and a shag later? I hope you didn’t go anywhere near him. I can take a joke at work, but i’d be fuming if I was spoken to in his way at work. He sounds like a complete sexist pig, and I’d be making plans to end this.

Why are you expecting OP to complain about the union rep, given that she only has her DH’s word for what was said ? Seriously ? It’s a he said she said situation and I for one, don’t believe a word of it.

Jesus H Christ. I’m assuming his rep is also male?

He would still have the right of appeal if he was sacked after receiving a final written warning.

This would be an instant dismissal at my work, the comments are disgusting, I'd never want to work or be around a man like that.

This would be an instant dismissal at my work, the comments are disgusting, I'd never want to work or be around a man like that.

This would be an instant dismissal at my work, the comments are disgusting, I'd never want to work or be around a man like that.

This would be an instant dismissal at my work, the comments are disgusting, I'd never want to work or be around a man like that.

Can’t understand why so many people are assuming that DH is telling the truth about what the union rep said.

That’s a lot of speculation about the rep. It would not surprise me if it were true, but none of us were there.

He is not facing summary dismissal. He’s been invited to a hearing (presumably a disciplinary) which if good practice had been followed would have been called following an investigation which found that there is a potential case to answer.

People have been dismissed on grounds of gross misconduct for less, it very much could be considered GM (and employer may list such behaviour as a potential ground) and claiming unfair dismissal in these circumstances depending on the facts applicable could be really challenging. Even if process has minor defects he may be found to have contributed to his own downfall by up to 100%. The MH defence may well be taken into account but hoping the employer has the sense to check the true medical position by asking for his consent to supply his medical records.

All of course speculative but the point is don’t share his confidence that outcome will be a slap on wrist as his admitted to conduct is not minor or trivial.

Yes - I know that. It’s obvious really.
In the meantime though……

Stop thinking about it, leave, he’s a loser.

As he seems so complacent and sure that he will always be able to wriggle out of the accusations from the women he has targetted, I wouldn't be surprised if he acts up on the awareness course as he thinks that he is untouchable. I can imagine him being flippant and jokey and this won't go down well with the course facilitator who will hopefully be aware of why he is taking the course and will report back.