To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

I would do this too. And you are right it’s not so much the money, it’s the lack of thought or care and the time it takes to go and grab something from the shops (again)

She can spend her own time and money on such things.

Bet she will message and comment.

No, go low. It'll be so much more entertaining!

Really don't want to drip feed but loads of CF memories coming back now. The time we were there together and I said - pointedly - that we were down to our last toilet roll in the bathroom and SIL said 'oh but you still have a roll on your dressing table!' (It was half a roll that I used to blot my foundation, but of course she'd clocked it)

Do it. I'd take it all home with me. Just say they ran out and you didn't have time to restock. In fact you could text them before they set off to tell them this, to show you're being helpful!!! 🙂

I'd only leave 1 teabag in the box, a teeny spoonful of coffee, a empty milk carton and cardboard loo roll!
Oh and a smile!

I’m always bemused on threads like this when they attract a response of “is it worth falling out over?”.

CF’s don’t care about upsetting and inconveniencing other people. Just like the OP’s SIL they just minimise their own shitty behaviour.

CF’s only exist because they have learned that with enough front they can get away with it, because unlike them, some other people don’t want to rock the boat and call them out.

If everyone stood up to CF’s they’d be an endangered species and “going high” or not “being petty” is just justification to make people feel better about letting CF’s take advantage of them - rather than admitting they are being taken for fools.

Don't forget the small bathroom details like hand soap, shampoo, shower gel, whatever. Palmolive soap is excellent for this purpose, because it holds together until there's only a tiny sliver left which collapses if you try to use it. And some pump-action shampoos/shower gels can be sabotaged by the removal of the screw on tubes and their replacement with something just a little bit shorter. Or you can just trim half an inch off the ends off the originals.

Yeah she is clearly doing it on purpose.

Lock away almost everything. Keep back a few bits that are nearly used up to leave out so there is e.g. half a loo roll, some dregs of oil, two teabags etc. so there is nothing obviously missing and enough for someone arriving late at night but nothing more. Unopened or full stuff in your case.

Then it won't look deliberate.

I’d leave a bit - think starter pack eg 1 loo roll, a few tea bags etc. personally I’d not leave food locked in a suitcase as you risk encouraging mice. Take it home & start afresh on your next visit. Such a shame those boys eat you out of house & home.

@ChangerMonNom absolutely lock stuff up! Leave a couple of teabags, one dishwasher tab, 1/12th of a toilet roll (enough for a couple of wipes each).

I'd be packing the whole lot and taking it home with me! 😆 Let her know what it's like to arrive and find there's nothing in and have to go out and do a shop straight away.

Alternatively, leave a teabag in the jar, leave the last few sheets on the toilet roll (and I mean a 'few') and the dregs of milk in a carton. It's not as if she can complain, you've provided it, you've only used what is yours. She shouldn't expect you to stock up ready for her visit. Just smile and have your excuses ready 'Sorry, didn't get chance to do another shop! Ran out of time!' 😁 Try and do it all under the radar; is your husband likely to go around and check there are enough supplies left for them? If not, just don't draw any attention to the items you're 'running out of'.

I think I'd do this. Just enough for a night.. until they get the hint.

I would consider Airbnb.. Make some money and less availability for cf sil...

I’d leave it. Next time pack less and leave less.

Team Petty here - I would leave two sheets on the toilet roll and put the roll back the wrong way!

Definitely lock everything up! They’re CFs.

I think I shared a flat with the OP's SiL when I was a student..... there were three of us and A and I realised after a while that only the two of us ever bought loo roll.... we had to walk down the high street past the supermarket to get home from our classes, so there was no question of going out of our way to do a supermarket shop..... it was on our way home..... after a while we hid our multi-pack of loo-rolls in the airing cupboard. C found them eventually and accused us of being mean, but the point was made and she started occasionally buying supplies.

But the kitty is for stuff that would be used per stay: Dishwasher Tabs; maybe sugar; oil; other cleaning supplies.

What you find with people like that, is that they will help themselves to a few tabs to take home to make sure they get their value worth! She probably doesn’t consume “hardly anything” at all.

I don’t think you should be petty though. I think you should have a direct but non-accusatory conversation.

Leave one so the tight arses can share it.

I would just take all the toilet roll and when she complains say, "We left seven rolls the last time we were there, and there were none when we arrived this time, so the amount we brought with us wasn't sufficient to leave any behind. We went through it all just as you did when you used up the 7 rolls we left there last time.

It doesn't matter who has more money or time it's just tight and unkind for your SIL to take anything when she leaves unless it's in the fridge and will go off. I couldn't have let her get away with repeatedly nicking the toilet rolls all this time Op but revenge is a dish best served cold - leave her the dregs and enjoy waiting for her reaction

I haven’t read any responses so I might be repeating but so as not to be petty, I would leave some oil and salt and two squares of loo roll😂

Seriously I’d leave no tea bags, oil, loo roll, coffee - message them and let them know you ran out of lots of stuff so they’ll need to get a shop in.

Even better.

Make up a little (and I mean little) care package in a basket... that's what we get when we've been to Air BnBs.. enough for a night and next day until you can get to the shops. I think it would look generous and thoughtful... but also it would really get her goat..
If any "queries" arrive.. "Oh we realised we were constantly bringing far more than we needed and it was getting so expensive we decided to just bring the essentials this time... didn't you get the care package we left for you? We didn't want you to arrive and find nothing in stock.. its so depressing when that happens."

Sorry I know that's a bit petty Ha Ha.

Locking things up is obviously going to cause hassle.

If it's that much of an issue, tell them that you're sick of turning up to empty cupboards and suggest an annual fund for sundries that you all contribute to proportionately.