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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lock up all our food etc when we leave

879 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
TheTeasmaid · 17/08/2025 18:35

@ChangerMonNom if you did get tea bags you could get the cheapest possible the no frills are omg tasting

rookiemere · 17/08/2025 18:40

ChangerMonNom · 17/08/2025 18:22

Oh and there was this classic from her.

I said 'cleaner has been friday so everything should be clean' and she said - 'oh good. last time they didn't really clean the window sills but hopefully they did this time'

I said 'well I'm only prepared to pay for two hours so they do what they can in that time and it's better than anyone else does'. No reply to that.

Oh she is a real piece of work.
You could message her the cleaner’s number “This is the cleaner we use. We generally pay for two hours when we have been staying so the property is nice and clean for the next arrivals. It would be great if you could start booking her as well when you’ve been at the cottage. If you think more things need done then give her a list, she’s very flexible. Of course if it takes longer you will need to pay more for the extra time.”

RealEagle · 17/08/2025 18:48

ChangerMonNom · 17/08/2025 18:14

Sorry to keep you all hanging. We didn't have lunch. I convinced DH to get on road after a quick cup of tea (our teabags) with them.

SIL definitely did a once over of the kitchen when she arrived.

I didn't put anything in the suitcase as it felt like a faff, but spent the last few days consuming as much as possible.

I've left 3 teabags as suggested. I left about one cup of milk in fridge andthere is only one toilet roll on the hanger.

I hid the salt somewhere not obvious and will say someone must have done so in error if discovered.

I said to SIL 'you'll probably need to go to the shops as we didn't get a chance to get some items' and she said 'oh...' and looked concerned. Her goodbye had a certain frostiness.

Nothing from them yet but will report back if so! Halo

Please tell me you made holes in all the teabags 😭

Spaghettihair · 17/08/2025 18:53

ChangerMonNom · 17/08/2025 18:22

Oh and there was this classic from her.

I said 'cleaner has been friday so everything should be clean' and she said - 'oh good. last time they didn't really clean the window sills but hopefully they did this time'

I said 'well I'm only prepared to pay for two hours so they do what they can in that time and it's better than anyone else does'. No reply to that.

What a princess! I don’t think you need to be assuring her it’s clean though, that’s a bit like fishing for a compliment iyswim. Say nothing and if she’s the gall to complain look surprised and reassure her the village has cleaning spray…

JustSawJohnny · 17/08/2025 18:53

Next time they come straight after you I'd leave a lovely basket of full of fresh foods on the kitchen counter - fresh bread, biscuits, fruit, chocolate, cheese and a bottle of wine - and when she 'Oooohs' at it pick it up and say 'Yeah, we won't have time to stop on the way home so I grabbed a few bits to take back with us' then take it to the car.

I love that she's on to you but she can't prove you're doing it on purpose.

Spaghettihair · 17/08/2025 18:55

Shame if you left half a bottle of old red on the side for cooking and she assumed it was fresh and poured a sour glass…

LittleBitofBread · 17/08/2025 18:59

ChangerMonNom · 17/08/2025 18:14

Sorry to keep you all hanging. We didn't have lunch. I convinced DH to get on road after a quick cup of tea (our teabags) with them.

SIL definitely did a once over of the kitchen when she arrived.

I didn't put anything in the suitcase as it felt like a faff, but spent the last few days consuming as much as possible.

I've left 3 teabags as suggested. I left about one cup of milk in fridge andthere is only one toilet roll on the hanger.

I hid the salt somewhere not obvious and will say someone must have done so in error if discovered.

I said to SIL 'you'll probably need to go to the shops as we didn't get a chance to get some items' and she said 'oh...' and looked concerned. Her goodbye had a certain frostiness.

Nothing from them yet but will report back if so! Halo

I said to SIL 'you'll probably need to go to the shops as we didn't get a chance to get some items' and she said 'oh...' and looked concerned. Her goodbye had a certain frostiness.

So beyond a shadow of a doubt she has been taking the piss.
And now she’s realised you know.
I wouldn’t try to have a conversation about it, just keep leaving the house with no supplies in it with no comment.
It'll be interesting to see if she brings it up. I bet she won’t - she knows you could just turn round and say, ‘Well, that’s how you guys always leave it.’

ByCalmBlueWriter · 17/08/2025 19:05

That’s it. Smooth operator modus operandi at its best.
Diva can pop to the shop.

MeridianB · 17/08/2025 19:15

She’s insufferable! Really glad you didn’t go to lunch. Out of interest, did she spend the quality time she said she wanted with your children? 🤔

Billybagpuss · 17/08/2025 19:20

Thing is now you’ve reset the status quo. Next time take and use what you need everyone knows where they stand

diddl · 17/08/2025 19:31

but spent the last few days consuming as much as possible.

I mean tbh that's what most people do isn't it?

Most of us can't afford to be leaving food for whoever is coming next even if it is someone you know!

'oh good. last time they didn't really clean the window sills but hopefully they did this time'

Jesus! She really does expect everything with no dent in her own time or money doesn't she?

Derrygeel · 17/08/2025 19:37

I'd vote for packing a suitcase to leave there, but absentmindedly put it in the car.
Leaving nothing.
"Oh I got so confused. "

bigbreakfastclub · 17/08/2025 20:56

rookiemere · 17/08/2025 18:40

Oh she is a real piece of work.
You could message her the cleaner’s number “This is the cleaner we use. We generally pay for two hours when we have been staying so the property is nice and clean for the next arrivals. It would be great if you could start booking her as well when you’ve been at the cottage. If you think more things need done then give her a list, she’s very flexible. Of course if it takes longer you will need to pay more for the extra time.”

Love this 🤣

Francestein · 17/08/2025 21:07

ChangerMonNom · 17/08/2025 18:22

Oh and there was this classic from her.

I said 'cleaner has been friday so everything should be clean' and she said - 'oh good. last time they didn't really clean the window sills but hopefully they did this time'

I said 'well I'm only prepared to pay for two hours so they do what they can in that time and it's better than anyone else does'. No reply to that.

Excited Great Job GIF by Sesame Street

Well played!

minipie · 17/08/2025 21:36

I said 'cleaner has been friday so everything should be clean' and she said - 'oh good. last time they didn't really clean the window sills but hopefully they did this time'

Bloody hell 😮 does she think the cleaner comes for free with the house?

GoodOldTrayBake · 17/08/2025 21:53

oh I love this thread so much! Please keep us updated about how you wind your SIL up! Ideally we want to hear about the next time you go for a meal, you ask then to pay their share! Or better yet pay for your meal too as it’s their turn!

Duechristmas · 17/08/2025 22:22

It took me ages to find this thread again. I'm so invested!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 17/08/2025 23:30

JustSawJohnny · 17/08/2025 18:53

Next time they come straight after you I'd leave a lovely basket of full of fresh foods on the kitchen counter - fresh bread, biscuits, fruit, chocolate, cheese and a bottle of wine - and when she 'Oooohs' at it pick it up and say 'Yeah, we won't have time to stop on the way home so I grabbed a few bits to take back with us' then take it to the car.

I love that she's on to you but she can't prove you're doing it on purpose.

I love this, you gotta do this next time @ChangerMonNom 😂

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/08/2025 01:06

I cant help thinking that going forward she will "book" the week after someone else in the family, now that she knows that you are onto her, assuming that she can steal their donations to the house.

Can you have a conversation with certain family members about this so that she doesnt take the piss out of them instead of you?

Francestein · 18/08/2025 04:06

I would be adding the cost of the cleaner to their share of the bills for the place.

Silvertulips · 18/08/2025 05:58

How did you get out of lunch? And what did she say?

Sweatybettyinthisheat · 18/08/2025 08:17

Who is going to the holiday home after SIL? Ask them to report back on supplies left (if any)?

Moana987 · 19/08/2025 10:27

Francestein · 18/08/2025 04:06

I would be adding the cost of the cleaner to their share of the bills for the place.

100% this. No way should you be paying for the cleaner on your own.

whynotwhatknot · 20/08/2025 00:06

shes not even paying for the cleaner-entitled cow

BiddyPopthe2nd · 20/08/2025 09:07

I think, regardless of any fall out after SIL holiday, you should call a family meeting of all owners over the winter to agree ground rules going forward.

Basic levels of essentials that should always be left stocked when visitors leave. So toilet roll in each toilet and at least 4 more in the cupboard, a roll of kitchen towel in the kitchen and at least 1 in the cupboard, cleaning supplies…from basic condiments through to basic staples like “enough pasta and rice for 1 dinner each”….

An agreement - not necessarily on using the cleaner during a stay - but that all occupants pay for the cleaner to come in when they leave so the house is properly clean for being left empty and for new arrivals.

What to do about laundry - does the cleaner sort that (might increase her fees to do that), or should occupants wash and dry the sheets on departure? Is there a second set so each bed can be left fully and freshly made for new arrivals?

Same with towels?

Is it worth spending a little money on some storage containers for the kitchen for keeping staples safe while the house is empty - and also allows you to say “the rice and pasta jars need to be left at least half full” or whatever? I would go for see through plastic or glass cannisters to easily see what’s inside, things like rice, pasta, tea, coffee, sugar, maybe flour or anything else you want to keep.

Be clear that people can use anything in cupboards but the expectation is that they are replaced (like for like) before they leave.

Consider if you want different rules on alcohol, or if you want a small locked cupboard for your own alcohol. So your nice bottle of gin isn’t drunk and a cheap bottle from Lidl/Aldi left to replace it.

Separate to the general rules on what to do/not do while staying, it gives a chance for everyone to talk about what they want from the house and how they want to use it. And that includes discussing how both short term maintenance (cleaning shower traps/drains, emptying bins etc) and longer term maintenance (annual cleaning of gutters, washing of windows, preventative maintenance needs, and what to do if something breaks or a tile blows off the roof in a storm…) - the longer term includes things like occasional painting, oiling of locks/window mechanisms so they continue to work, etc. How will it be decided what’s needed, schedule to get things done, to DIY or pay for locals to do the work, how to share both the work and the costs involved etc. can all be discussed in that conversation.

And also things like - if the iron breaks…does the visitor replace it, or tell a designated person who is the main “manager” of the property so that it can be replaced …may depend on what’s available locally and the quality of what you want there. But things like plates and glasses (do you want matching sets, or need to make sure there’s enough there for next arrivals), broken deck chair for outside, blown light bulbs, torn picnic blanket…

This is not something to do this week. For sometime over the winter - tell them beforehand what you want to talk about, to make sure there are no problems and to make the use of the house enjoyable for all its owners, not a burden on you all. (Even if the burden currently mainly falls on only a few of those owners..).

And coming out of that meeting, there should be an agreed set of rules - which get written up and formally shared with everyone afterwards. And the short term rules related to the ongoing use of the house (cleaning, levels of stocks in cupboards, anything about “no wild parties outdoors after midnight because of elderly neighbour”…type sensible things, and phone numbers of important contacts like local cleaner and handyman) should be shared by email but also printed out and laminated to leave in the cottage where ANY visitors can be aware of the “house rules”.

It might also be helpful to set up an online logbook - where any visitors can post any problems or issues they see, some may need immediate attention but others could be discussed at the annual discussion (a few people noticed that the wind on 1 side is very strong but that a windbreak in a certain point could make it a lot better…so is it worth doing that and who will organise it and how to split the costs fairly, for example).