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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lock up all our food etc when we leave

879 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
stayathomer · 11/08/2025 18:16

Another for small amounts so they won’t be able to say anything

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 11/08/2025 18:17

Lock it up, leave token bits. It would not be the money aspect with me, but the fact they abuse the hospitality and make no efforts to reciprocate

RampantIvy · 11/08/2025 18:17

I agree with the suggestions to leave just the bare minimum.

verycloakanddaggers · 11/08/2025 18:17

It's your DH's family, I think you should follow his lead.

You're risking a family feud over some groceries. I think it's too petty.

Just stop stocking up especially, but leave the essentials.

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:18

Question - is two teabags left in the caddy more pointed than none at all?

OP posts:
RosaMundi27 · 11/08/2025 18:18

Clear the place of everything - lock it away. You're being taken for a mug here.

ladymalfoy45 · 11/08/2025 18:20

Couple of tea bags but you need a jar of coffee with just a little bit in that's gone rock solid.

PruthePrune · 11/08/2025 18:20

Take it with you and just leave half a loo roll, one dishwasher tab, 1/4 packet of pasta etc. Feign surprise if they say anything and say you used everything.

BreadInCaptivity · 11/08/2025 18:20

I would. They are CF’s and always will be as long as they can get away with it.

As for being petty I’m not convinced it is.

Being petty is actually using other people’s items and letting them go without as you refuse to spend a few pounds.

If they get cross so what? Who are they actually cross with? With you because they steal your items and don’t replace them, leaving you inconvenienced?

Let them kick off about it….I’d love to hear why they think you are being unreasonable….in fact suggest they start a thread on AIBU 😂

Coffeeishot · 11/08/2025 18:20

REDB99 · 11/08/2025 18:10

I vote for the pettiness. Their type of behaviour is infuriating!

Me too, Just lock it away.

wimonnzy · 11/08/2025 18:21

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:18

Question - is two teabags left in the caddy more pointed than none at all?

See, this is where you must be clever. The cheaper the item, the more you can leave, I will allow you 😊 .So more teabags, lots of salt n pepper, half a toilet roll, three sheets (to the wind) left on the paper towel, a tin of beans (cheap brand), go on, use your initiative and enjoy the feeling of fun.

Ponderingwindow · 11/08/2025 18:21

I think living small amounts looks petty. You would have to consciously leave out portions for them rather than simply packing up your things and making the space clear for the next guests.

NotDarkGothicMama · 11/08/2025 18:21

Two teabags and two squares of loo roll should cover it.

FOJN · 11/08/2025 18:21

I would be less bothered about the cost than I would be about the selfishness and thoughtlessness.

I would not leave anything other than a single loo roll. Let them learn the inconvenience of turning up somewhere and finding they don't even have the means to make a cup of tea without a trip to the supermarket.

FishPie2 · 11/08/2025 18:21

My friend does this. It is her property but family use it quite often and she found the same, nothing in the cupboard when they got there, not even any alcohol to get a drink to unwind with after their long journey and started to buy things on the way then said "sod this for a game of soldiers."
She leaves things in the fridge that have been opened but all pantry stuff is now locked in a box in the garage and she is the only one with a key.

EscapeTheCastle · 11/08/2025 18:21

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:18

Question - is two teabags left in the caddy more pointed than none at all?

I would leave 3 teabags. Then in the morning one of them would have to go without.
Or would 5 be better? Then you can be really "innocent" if they bring it up.

SirBasil · 11/08/2025 18:21

one teabag is the level of petty PA that i could get behind.

And a loo roll that is down to the last 2 squares that are stuck to the cardboard tube. And a tiny splash of milk in a carton. And nothing. And never ever speak of it.

PsychoHotSauce · 11/08/2025 18:22

verycloakanddaggers · 11/08/2025 18:17

It's your DH's family, I think you should follow his lead.

You're risking a family feud over some groceries. I think it's too petty.

Just stop stocking up especially, but leave the essentials.

She only needs to do it once to find out if it's petty or not.

Either they get the message and start reciprocating, or (more likely) they retaliate by buying stuff, taking it all home and leaving the place bare, and complaining about all the stuff they had to buy.

If the latter, OP isn't being petty, they're just coming to a mutual arrangement (fend for yourself).

whiteroseredrose · 11/08/2025 18:22

YANBU! As others have said, leave just one of each and lock the rest away so that it is there for you next time.

BreadInCaptivity · 11/08/2025 18:22

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:18

Question - is two teabags left in the caddy more pointed than none at all?

One plus one that’s torn would be my go to….

EveryOtherNameTaken · 11/08/2025 18:22

ladymalfoy45 · 11/08/2025 18:20

Couple of tea bags but you need a jar of coffee with just a little bit in that's gone rock solid.

Ahh. The rock solid coffee 😂

Linenpickle · 11/08/2025 18:23

Lock it away!!

Londontown12 · 11/08/2025 18:23

Lock it away for sure !!!
Then they will get a taste of what it’s like for u when there isn’t anything there !!!! X

dizzydizzydizzy · 11/08/2025 18:23

DelphiniumBlue · 11/08/2025 18:10

I would leave a little bit of supplies, eg one toilet roll, a dishwasher tab, a few tea bags or instant coffee, but put away the rest.

Tee this. That way you doN't leave them completely in the lurch but they will definitely have to go shopping within 24 hours of arrival.

Clairey1986 · 11/08/2025 18:23

The high but not walked over road would be to send a group text message saying how disappointing it is that you’ve arrived late in the day with the kids and had no supplies, then suggest minimum sundries levels and a list of what you consider to be key sundry items. Call her out without mentioning her name and shame her into it.