To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

Not if they pretend to have just run out of it all and not replaced it.

Agree with you.
I believe the "don't be petty crew" are CF's whom don't wish to be called out.

My friend recently refused to pet watch her SIL's pet when they were having a staycation at home.
Her SIL thought it was very petty that she wouldn't do it when they live relatively close by, would be at home, and it wouldn't take long.
Her in laws all have form for being low level CF's.

SIL most unwisely put her "disappointment" up on the family WhatsApp.
Other in laws thought it wise to comment negatively, and my friend has now cancelled the December 25th holiday at her house.

They back tracked with alarcity but this is her line in the sand. December is completely off, they can all holiday elsewhere.

She's more than happy at the excuse as his family stay too long and it has bugged her over the last couple of years...she's an incredible cook and host.

She has told her husband she will be going to her parents house but he is most welcome to host if he wants.
Her husband is like a rabbit in the lifhts as he knows she is very serious.
She has been looking for an excuse and this is a godsend.
Her inlaws are now furious with her SIL for posting a "private matter" on the family WhatsApp group and causing such an "upset" and a "conclusion".

You couldn't make it up.
This has been a complete gift to her.
She won't be for turning.

I love her updates. I am Team Petty all the way.

I wouldn’t lock it away because I think it would just offer an opening for an argument, but I’d pack it all up and bring it home with me.

They’re taking the piss and deserve to have a tasting of the same courtesy they extend to you.

I think a family conversation is needed about the realities of what needs to always be “in stock” in the cottage when any occupant is leaving, so that whoever the next occupant arriving knows there is a basic level of things to expect on arrival. Involving everyone who uses the house, and agreeing things like levels of cleaning and also things like who does relevant maintenance jobs (painting windows and doors, soffits and fascia’s, clearing gutters, cutting back hedges …) or if there is a shared kitty or way to deal with unexpected things like a roof tile off in a storm or a leaking pipe or whatever might need a professional to fix in a hurry to prevent further damage.

And I think you also need to stop being so nice when they arrive as you leave. Yes leave it clean, but run down what’s there to “expected norms” and don’t go buying fresh things for them.

As it’s two of them going up, I’d leave a single tea bag, four sheets of loo roll, a single squeeze worth of toothpaste in the tube, one ice cube in the freezer. Just enough for one, to cause them to bicker and realise what a pain they cause when they do this to OP.

I like the idea of the care pack

lock the rest away.

I’d lock it all away and text in advance to say they’ll need to stop off to get supplies on their way.
I’d also be tempted to say you didn’t buy much in this time because you always have surplus but then return to empty cupboards.

This. Let them wonder if it was passive-aggressive move or if you simply ran out of everything. 😒

Removing everything is too obvious. Leave the bare minimum (as they use sooo little) & take the rest home. With you OP as someone who has a tight sibling who gives the bare minimum.

1 toilet roll
1 dishwasher tab
2 teabags
dribble of oil
1 egg

She sounds like a total pain. Enjoy every moment of your strategic tidying’.

And leave three teabags, not two. So they can have a debate about who gets the ‘last’ cup.

I would say absolutely nothing. DH's family is like this and there is no conversation that would make them wise up to it.

Take almost everything away so it's not too obvious you are making a point. I'd leave 3 squares on the toilet roll. One teabag. One, maybe 2 dishwasher tablets. One half drunk carton of milk. Etc.

If you take everything, they will start WW3. Make it inconvenient enough.

I would be very kind and leave them an extra spicy curry.

And no bog roll …

Then update us.

I would leave half a roll of loo roll and a bit or milk but would pack away anything else that would keep.

I can't stand tight people who are happy to constantly take and never give.

Does SIL leave the place clean and tidy when she leaves?

Is she a CF with her effort as well as her cash?

I am Team Petty except I think it should be renamed

Team FAFO fuck around and find out!

Yep.
Going behind that idea too.

Less obviously petty. It just so happens that you had very little left.
Plus I suspect they take their own stuff back anyway (eg it would very VERY surprising that they had just used the whole bottle of oil to the last drop, all the toilet paper etc… just as tgey are ready to leave)

You guys need to work on petty…

A lockable clear storage tote in plain site…now that’s petty.

Edit:🤣 tote not toe!

You are my evil genius heroine 🤣

The reason you arrive to bare cupboards is because they likely take what is left home with them. It's the only logical explanation. Put it in your suitcase and don't give it a second thought.

I would lock away everything!

I wouldn't be leaving anything and can't believe you've let it go on for so long. Is there a cupboard you can lock what you have bought away? If not as PP has said I would take the suitcase home with you.

Where is that laughing emoji???

Do it,why should you pay for everything all the time,it’s not being petty at all,they barely ever think about leaving you stuff,don’t worry about it,they may even stock up for you next time.x

I think the "Don't be petty/Take the high ground" bus left a long time ago. OP has been taking that line for a long time and SIL is not reciprocating in any way. She needs to learn and leaving minimal supplies is a great way to make that happen. If she doesn't, leave zero supplies next time.

Of course you should do it. They go there regularly, they have to option to lock their own stuff up too, so they won't lose out. Apart from on taking advantage of your freebies, obviously. If you are absolutely sure that things like dishwasher tablets and kitchen roll has all been supplied by you then definitely don't feel bad about locking it away. If she says anything just say 'yeah, we are economising. Bringing stuff from home in the car rather than having two of everything, and decided not to make it communal any more as whenever we arrive there's nothing left and we have to rebuy it anyway. Probably better this way, everyone knows where they stand and what to expect.'

I'd be tempted to leave one of everything (and some quite nice things too 😂) - one teabag, one mini bottle of wine, one fancy biscuit, one chocolate bar, one coffee pod.

So they have to fight it out over who gets what 😂.