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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lock up all our food etc when we leave

879 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
Lady1576 · 13/08/2025 01:34

Ponderingwindow · 11/08/2025 18:16

It’s not the money that would bother me, it’s the arriving to no supplies when I left the place stocked. That would drive me crazy.

Lock it up.

I agree! And for that reason, leaving one of everything wouldn’t really make the point. I would keep your stuff ready for only you to use next time.

Tourmalines · 13/08/2025 02:01

She’s a right misery guts . Leave her nothing in the house . Do not pay for lunch

underthisredrock · 13/08/2025 02:03

I'd leave them one loo roll, not necessarily a full one, just because I wouldn't leave even a CF without a means to wipe their bum, and that would be all.

Firethehorse · 13/08/2025 02:32

I’m slightly envious of your holiday home OP!
This sounds so tedious, and constant low level annoying, that I can’t help but wonder if your sil and her husband really enjoy the winding you up aspect as much as the saving of their own money.
After the excellent suggestions from fellow posters I would employ a combination of suggestions. Start finding very small sized versions of everything such as oil etc, so you can legitimately only leave a small amount in the bottle. Buy a 4 pack of cheap loo roll just for them, you meanwhile have your own stashed items. I personally would leave about half as many you guess they would need of items such as dishwasher tabs and teabags just to see what they do. I wouldn’t remove basic condiments as that’s a bit obvious.
The lunch is tricky as it’s easy for outsiders to say separate bills but I know from personal experience when in-law family are involved sometimes the fall out would outweigh the financial aspect. I think for me it would depend on whether they order reasonably in which case I would decide to let it go.
By making it your decision, even if only in your head, you will remove the control aspect they are no doubt currently enjoying. If they absolutely take the mickey I would say to split the bill. I personally wouldn’t suggest they pay entirely because if they do you are then in their debt and will never hear the last of it.
Don’t get irritated, have a giggle and you will feel better.

ParmaVioletTea · 13/08/2025 02:51

Sdpbody · 12/08/2025 11:12

This thread is the exact reason MNHQ needs to bring back the laughing emoji.

Yesssss!

I’m on #TeamPetty

i think you need to leave a bare minimum and if SiL complains be straight with her. Itemise what you’ve left before (lots) and what you’ve arrived to (not much). Say it in front of others and better -get your DH to say it. Also itemise what you’ve arrived pay for in terms of upkeep and cleaning etc.

They are so clearly in the wrong in terms of their lack of generosity your DH needs to phrase it so that there’s no come back - but remain reasonable and good humoured.

You could also note that they use the place more than you, but you cover more of the costs.

ParmaVioletTea · 13/08/2025 02:56

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 12/08/2025 22:55

Tell them you’re just following the same idea about what each holidaying group should be expected to leave and what they should expect to provide themselves. You’ve been expected to provide your own toilet roll and cooking oil so they can follow their own guidance, the CFs.

This. Be calm and matter of fact about it, and make sure your DH is absolutely on side.

Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 13/08/2025 03:32

Please do not buy them lunch and please save yourself the stress of potentially having no loo roll and stash it away!

Francestein · 13/08/2025 06:04

Why the fuck haven’t you said something to this parasite? Time to make her accountable… “Lunch cost us £X. Here’s the account number, please transfer your half.”
Take your own doggie bags - every time. Start charging her for the cleaner/cleaning products/utilities, etc.
Make sure you have EVERYTHING re shares/ownership in writing.

boredoflaundry · 13/08/2025 06:28

Take stuff home or hide it away early.
if they’re coming Sunday, are you also leaving Sunday?
to not be entirely petty and start WW3, you could text her on Saturday evening and say “house seems to be running low on “xyz” and we won’t be doing as shop now as we’re out for lunch tomorrow & then heading home”.
gives them opportunity to buy at “usual” supermarket, rather than village shop prices.

then you’ll have some idea and have opened a conversation around letting you know what’s left when they leave!
they’ll probably leave nothing! You could make your point for a visit or two & see if they figure it out. I’d stop buying them fresh milk. That FEELS like you’re hosting them as a guest, rather than a shared space.

Lighteningstrikes · 13/08/2025 06:30

Allswellthatendswelll · 11/08/2025 18:14

Just don't leave stuff (or leave a little bit) and put all the surplus in a bag you can then bring the next time you go.

I wouldn't lock stuff up it's asking for a row!

This.

cramptramp · 13/08/2025 06:55

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:33

She also asks for doggie bags of other people's leftovers Confused. Sorry I'm on a roll now with the SIL hate

That is one of the meanest things I’ve heard.

healthybychristmas · 13/08/2025 06:58

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:29

One time when we had dinner with them, she actually pulled the 'oops I seem to have left my card at home' line (pre Apple Pay days).

What about her husband? They can't have both forgotten their cards. Why don't you just make some sandwiches and say that you're going out for a meal later that evening when you get home?

Pinkcountrybumpkin · 13/08/2025 07:20

We have a similar sounding set up, but the place belongs entirely to my dad but family
benefit from use. His rules are replace what you use and don’t leave anything fresh. So there’s always pizza in the freezer, usually some chips or wedges/ ice cream, tins of beans/ spaghetti in the cupboard so we can fashion a dinner if we arrive late, but we know we need to bring anything fresh with us. Always leave a loo roll, for the next people and sundries like soap/ bin bags we just replace as required. I got here yesterday and used the last bin bag so I’ll get a roll when I do shopping today. But anything like cheese/ butter that I purchase I will take home any leftovers as that is the rules. Maybe consider doing something like this? It does also mean nothing goes off in the fridge.

YippyKiYay · 13/08/2025 07:30

I'm only here for the update - OP I'm totally on team petty and can't wait to hear what happens on Sunday (do not pay for their lunch btw)

I'd go with 3 teabags and scungy hard coffee in the bottom of a jar, but no milk (your teenagers drank it all). Also, end of a TP roll, as in last few sheets, poor DS had a big poo just as you were packing up to leave, boy did it stink out the toilet, so you had to use the last of the air freshener on your way out.... #beingthoughtful
And have lunch on your way home. She's a serious CF who needs more than a hint. I love the suggestions of pasta/rice for one - perfect

If you do lock up your things, pls pls pls use a keyed lock, and then leave a old key ( that looks similar but isn't right) behind so she tries that lol!

thepariscrimefiles · 13/08/2025 07:32

ChangerMonNom · 12/08/2025 19:00

Small update. SIL is now coming down early Sunday so we can buy her and her DP lunch have lunch together before we leave, so I may have some live reports then. Will have to hold my nerve when she notices lack of expected items in house

She is ridiculous. I know that many adults will still expect their parents to pay when going out for meals, but your SIL is your DH's older sister. When did this dynamic start that she expects him to pay for her (and her partner I presume) and for him to treat her like she is one of his children.

She sounds like a very difficult and entitled person.

Yerdug · 13/08/2025 07:33

I'm all for you being a petty Betty! Do it!

MrBeanMustBeMyDad · 13/08/2025 07:37

DelphiniumBlue · 11/08/2025 18:10

I would leave a little bit of supplies, eg one toilet roll, a dishwasher tab, a few tea bags or instant coffee, but put away the rest.

See this would be my line of thinking, I'd start to leave annoying amounts of things.
3 tea bags,
2 dishwasher tablets,
Enough toilet roll that they'd be OK for a day or a few wees.
Really inconvenience them to the point they have to go and buy their own stuff

TinyFlamingo · 13/08/2025 07:43

Hey. Just to give you the heads up. You'll need to do a shop of the essentials as we haven't replaced the day today stuff like usual.

We're finding stocks are always run down when we visit and so let's all get in the habit of bringing our own stuff for our visits.

Hope you have a great trip!

Treat it like centre parks you literally have to bring everything! They'll learn the freeloading stops here!

TinyFlamingo · 13/08/2025 07:45

Oh hell no, you split the bill at lunch - absolutely not! You say right at the beginning to the waiters in front we'll have 2 bills please! X

Mirabai · 13/08/2025 07:45

Put the loo roll in there as well.

bigbreakfastclub · 13/08/2025 07:52

hmmnotreallysure · 11/08/2025 18:34

Would you be better off bringing the majority of the food home with you? If you did stash it and sil found it then it might cause tension. Just pack up all the food and then see if they do a shop and leave any of it there themselves then you can use their stuff next time.

Yes I would take as much home in car as possible, then you can bring back.
itll be interesting to see if she leaves much on next visit. What a cheek.

Goldengirl123 · 13/08/2025 07:54

DelphiniumBlue · 11/08/2025 18:10

I would leave a little bit of supplies, eg one toilet roll, a dishwasher tab, a few tea bags or instant coffee, but put away the rest.

I was about to say just this. Leave one thing each in original packaging and put the rest in containers in the case. It would be interesting to see if when she has to shop to replace things whether she leaves then for you!

Personperson · 13/08/2025 07:56

Take it home screw them!

bigbreakfastclub · 13/08/2025 07:58

Can’t wait for an update at the weekend 🤣

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 13/08/2025 08:20

Who pays what for council tax, water, electricity, gas, insurance? Is it based o. % ownership or use?