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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lock up all our food etc when we leave

879 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
boxtop · 12/08/2025 21:41

It sounds like you've been going above and beyond leaving stuff for them so, like, don't do that. I think the norm is just to leave a loo roll and some teabags, plus anything else you couldn't be bothered to take with you. There's no need to leave more. Keep a carrier bag in your car with cooking oil, etc.

It also sounds like you don't like these people at all, but I can't help with that.

Heresmycontroversialopinion · 12/08/2025 21:55

Shameless place marking. When they go low, you go lower. CFs need to be met with the same fuck you energy they give out to everyone else. 🍿

ThisOldThang · 12/08/2025 21:58

Do you think they're clearing out the supplies and taking them home?

Mackem80 · 12/08/2025 22:03

This reply has been deleted

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JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 12/08/2025 22:09

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Unless you’re the Op’s sister in law, you need to start your own thread.

Dogaredabomb · 12/08/2025 22:10

Is there a loft that you could keep a box of stuff in, out of sight.

Caroparo52 · 12/08/2025 22:21

If you alrrady leave a suitcase there for clothes then they won't suspect that this time its full of loo roll and dish soap and dry foods.
Good idea to leave a few ends of pasta and rice packets and 1 loo roll and 1 dish tablet. Maybe a cheery "help yourself " note too to rub it in. I would enjoy doing this but then I'm petty about being fair so please do do it.

nmsi · 12/08/2025 22:22

Don't pay for their lunch.

momtoboys · 12/08/2025 22:38

I cannot wait for Sunday updates!

ilovemyhamster · 12/08/2025 22:41

CF of the highest order. Leave a miniscule amount and take the rest honestly I loathe mean people 😬

Ttcpph · 12/08/2025 22:41

Shamelessly placemarking for the Sunday update adds popcorn to Saturday shopping list

CraftyYankee · 12/08/2025 22:45

I need to know, how do you open a locked suitcase with a biro?!?

Rockymountainhigh · 12/08/2025 22:46

Alison shamelessly placemarking for Sunday 😀

Ttcpph · 12/08/2025 22:50

ThisOldThang · 12/08/2025 21:58

Do you think they're clearing out the supplies and taking them home?

Ooof this is a VERY good shout. Like Ross from friends when he visits a hotel!!! Tight arse CFs!!!

jbm16 · 12/08/2025 22:51

I would just use up, or take home majority of items, and definitely not go out of way to leave them milk etc. if they don't reciprocate.

Ttcpph · 12/08/2025 22:53

OP, if you own 70% of the property, why is it fair that SIL visits more often than you do?
who pays the runnings costs? Council tax, gas and electric, water? Are these split based on frequency of visits?!
if I were you I'd try and buy out the other family members and tell SIL she can pay the going rate for her frequent visits. She'd soon buggar off!

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 12/08/2025 22:55

Tell them you’re just following the same idea about what each holidaying group should be expected to leave and what they should expect to provide themselves. You’ve been expected to provide your own toilet roll and cooking oil so they can follow their own guidance, the CFs.

Shoemadlady · 12/08/2025 23:02

Any updates?? Dying to hear if she noticed! I wouldn’t even leave a tea bag. Yeah I’m petty like that but I’d have laughed if she’d have said something about it 😂

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 12/08/2025 23:47

Robin67 · 12/08/2025 19:08

Please, please, please... when you sit down, can you say to the waiter "separate bills please"... If she starts to say " that's ridiculous" then chime in with "oh that's so generous, boys say thanks to auntie cheapbint, isn't she kind". Any awkwardness just explain it with "sorry, I thought you were trying to say that you are going to pay for us this time, never mind we will pay...as usual"

@ChangerMonNom This is perfect, except I would not be paying her bill at all.
Lock everything away and let them pony up. Really, you own most of the property and pay to have it cleaned, and she is STILL a tight-azzed CFer?

I wish I was your SIL! I would definitely be a better one and much more generous/not cheapskate.

Pinkdhalia · 12/08/2025 23:56

Do that! She’ll see that “they don’t use much” isn’t true they don’t use much cos they don’t include what you left in the cost of their shopping! Lock stuff away as you suggested or take it home in a box to pick up and bring next time .

Trendyname · 13/08/2025 00:39

Izzy24 · 11/08/2025 18:12

Yes this. Means they can’t all your stuff and also can’t complain that there was nothing left.

They can’t complain because they never leave anything.

op you are right.

Trendyname · 13/08/2025 00:40

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:18

Question - is two teabags left in the caddy more pointed than none at all?

None at all. Or maybe one 😁

Rottweilermummy · 13/08/2025 00:49

I agree with leaving a few essentials, 1 toulet roll etc, locking evertythihg else away, they're not going to know that you didn't use it all. Just make sure you find good hiding place for the suitcase . It's so bad of them not replacing stuff though and your brother should have a word with his sister

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 13/08/2025 01:02

Lock it all away

don’t do lunch cos your husband will pay as you’ve said he’s to generous so don’t go cos he will pay

LeopardPants · 13/08/2025 01:23

Ttcpph · 12/08/2025 22:50

Ooof this is a VERY good shout. Like Ross from friends when he visits a hotel!!! Tight arse CFs!!!

Bloody love this episode was only talking about it a few days ago!!!! Classic