To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

I've just read through your various posts about your SIL and I'd say she's the one that's petty - so fight petty with petty!
Leave just enough stuff so it's not obvious, and they can't bring anything up, but hell yeah, hide the stuff!
She sounds a pain! Don't shout them anything like lunch either. If you have come to expect that they don't even get your son's birthday presents then they need to come to expect nothing from you either.

What will happen if you ever want to sell the property? You said you hold 70% equity but have also funded a refurb, will they also get money from the profits?
She sounds like she is knowingly taking advantage and I couldn't stand that!

I know you said you don't pack things up really, but I would have a 'holiday home' box and keep oil, pasta, dish wash tabs, loo roll etc in it and just transport that back and forth. I'd leave a small amount behind each time but take most of it

I like this idea, but I think I would have three boxes, one your you and DH, one for SIL and one for parents.

It would be interesting if you put stuff in the box labelled for the parents, do you think she would take it from 'their' box?

@ChangerMonNom We have similar problems when different members of family use our holiday home. I always ask our adult DC to let me know if they have finished anything and ideally replace what they have used, but like your relatives they often finish things like cooking oil, herbs and spices without thinking about it.

My DD gets annoyed because she puts food for her children in the freezer and then her DB and family use it. Obviously nothing you can do about frozen food, but I also put some storecupboard items out of the obvious places - and also hide away one nice sharp knife as they tend to put knives in the dishwasher.
I try to leave spare dishwashing tablets, laundry detergent and toilet paper because it would never occur to any of them to replace them when they go shopping.
Clothes pegs are often left outside and get lost, so I have a secret cache of good ones hidden away.
If they were at home they would think about replacing things, why can't they do it when they are away?

Lock away the stuff that makes it most annoying to arrive to missing - ie toilet rolls, cooking oil. I’d leave stuff like herbs, salt and pepper, condiments. That way you know you have what you need if you arrive when the shops are closed.

I live in a flat now without much storage space and it would be such a nuisance to have to do this every time, though I used to do it when my DC were younger. Also I'm an over-planner and I already take enough! I'd hoped that DS would have become more considerate by now (DD is usually fine).

They both usually have an online grocery delivery at the start of their visit and don't know what will be missing at the end of their trip. DS in particular probably wouldn't bother to go shopping before he left, though DIL might. DD would, or would let me know what was missing.
@ChangerMonNom 's sister in law sounds awful, we have a friend like that and I have never given her the address of her holiday home and for 40 years have managed to evade her self-invitations "when you are down there"!

We rarely lend our house to anybody though my son went there with friends whom he let stay after he had left - result was that we were left with a dirty house, dirty sheets, no toilet roll and much depleted food stocks. Other friends have been great though, leaving the place clean and replenishing stocks, often leaving us bottles of wine too.

This sound incredibly annoying. I am amused by the petty ideas here and would be sorely tempted... However, a real falling out with family and people you jointly own property with would be really difficult and proud it worth a few teabags. So, I think the middle ground option is the way to go. Leave a loo roll and a couple of teabags, salt and pepper, partially used bottles of milk etc. Definitely stop the thoughtful gestures with the milk/eggs/whatever. And either lock up, take home or run down the things you find most annoying to be without knowing arrival - oil, excess loo roll/kitchen roll, whatever. That way you have protected your future self on arrival. She might get the hint and buy a multi pack of loo rolls and leave the rest, but if not then at least you are not directly inconvenienced.

I am agog to hear this!!! Sad I know 😆

I’d leave well before lunchtime, before she arrives, so she has to buy her own lunch. Say you had to get home for an emergency (the emergency being not paying for her lunch).

I’d but the cheapest thinnest loo roll, tea bags and budget dishwasher washer tabs just to leave behind for SIL (pack rest in a box to put out on other occasions when she is staying after you). Only buy naice loo roll and decent washing tabs etc. for your family to use.

I'd be very annoyed
why is SIL so thoughtless
yep lock it all up

One teabag.
half an onion.

THIS 100%

Are you going out for lunch on Sunday, or are you cooking? You could ask them to bring specific items to add to the meal if you're eating in the house, so it's more shared.

Lock your stuff up or take it with you.

Your husband probably doesn't want any potential tension with his sister but he's not really asking you to go high, he's asking you to just let it go and continue this one-sided consideration that you are not happy with.

If they ask you can just be upfront and say that you had hoped that both parties could consider each other with keeping the cottage stocked with provisions but this has been one-sided so far so you decided that it makes more sense that all parties instead stock for themselves.

CFs like this do justify their behaviour to themselves - my sister is the same. 'Oh, Bleep is better off than me, therefore she can pay for everything/look after my kids/listen to me whinge about my life until her brains are dribbling out of her ears.'

I'm not actually even much better off than her, but in her head I am, and that's what counts.

Your SIL will think you're being soooo mean, as you're rich enough to afford 70% of the cottage and a cleaner, and she's entitled to a piece of that.

Small update. SIL is now coming down early Sunday so we can buy her and her DP lunch have lunch together

This sounds like you already know you're going to pay for everyone?!

Man up!

Tell her she’s paying for lunch because you covered the last one.

One time when we had dinner with them, she actually pulled the 'oops I seem to have left my card at home' line (pre Apple Pay days).

Her husband forgot his card as well? And you didn't just text them the amount afterwards?

If it's helping you, keep going.
Sell the property and buy your own. I dread to think what she'll be like if she has children

SIL is a CF. Really invested in this thread now!

oh yes, tired veg is a good call.

Well certainly do not offer to pay for lunch, that would be a good start to this new regime. And tell your DH he's not to offer to pay for lunch either.

You are right! I'd leave 1 toilet roll, dishwasher tablet etc., bare minimum.
Am guessing your DH does not plan, buy or pack for your trips? So easy for HIM to say leave it then. His sister (and partner!) will never learn unless you leave the bare minimum. She behaves like a spoilt little sister, not an older sister.

Seems like they think it's their cabin, not shared ownership.

Leave before she arrives and stop for a glorious lunch before heading home.

Then send her a photo of your lunch with the caption "wish you were here".

Maybe try reading the post properly.
They've been more than reasonable already and tried it that way but SiL and partner, use it all and leave nothing for anyone else to use.
Time to teach SiL some manners!