To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

Why do you leave them eggs, milk, coffee etc like you’re hosting paying guests?

Let them get this stuff themselves.

2 teabags and 3 sheets of loo roll. After all, it’s only 2 of them and they hardly use anything.

I think this is what you do when either the stuff isn't easy to transport (eggs?) or you're just being thoughtful. No?

We just came back from a homeswap and left the hosts eggs, milk, some sealed yoghurts, and ice creams in the freezer. When we got back home we found they'd left similar - some granola, milk, eggs, cheese and so on.

Obviously I wou;dn't do it for OP's relatives!

If I had milk left, I’d tip it away bar enough for one cup of tea. The eggs? Hard boil them and take them home.

Personally I would get a large rigid picnic box and I would take it with me when I go, see if they get the message, I think locking it up might come across as petty to your SIL if they find it, but if you just take it home they might get the message. If there is nothing there then they will have to buy their own stuff

Id put away items you know you'll need when you arrive - so a bog roll, oil etc and leave anything else that is incidental

Then if anything is said - juts say we just keep a stash of emergency products so when we arrive late and there is no bog roll - we have some, as we were so fed up of driving and these things are missing/ not been replaced for the next person.

Do leave stuff like jams and other cupboard stuff that isn't essentials to cooking that first night

It just means you have a locked up family stash in a suitcase, no big

I'd definitely leave one teabag and an instant coffee jar with just enough in for one cup. That way they'll have to go shopping as soon as they arrive.

It’s a unanimous YANBU

I’d be putting things away, if I turned up to a joint holiday cottage and my relatives hadn’t even left me a toilet roll and tea bags id be fuming.
I would say to them about it as you have and then if they continued I would be leaving a new toilet roll in the bathroom, enough tea bags for a couple of cups of tea, 1 bin liner, washing up liquid and that would be it.
If they said anything I would say that they are free to do the same because it makes shopping for your time away easier when you know exactly what you’ve left.

Leave a loo roll, salt, pepper, bit of oil, dial it down basically, take the rest home.

I get this OP . We have a holiday house that friends use. I try to be generous but it annoys me hugely . I have resorted to 2 locked cupboards even the laundry cupboard as I get so annoyed when all the beach towels go missing or I have to do another set of washing .

But I battle with feeling mean. I’m not sure what the right thing to do is here. I think a conversation would be better. Ask DH to tell his sister that it is annoying to find key things missing and that going forward you will have separate kitchen cupboards with shared condiments only which must be replaced if low or finished .

Have a locked box with spare loo roll , kitchen towel, cleaning products , laundry detergent dishwasher tablets etc

Yeah I would. Leave one of everything and let them buy. I bet you they take their last bog rolls home too after.

Do it! And please let us know the outcome.

People like this really annoys me. They begrudge their own family loo roll! If they don't use it I bet they take it home.

I left a few loo rolls, a few eggs and a bottle of wine for the next guests or the agent at our last Airbnb because normal people do.

I'd be petty too. Leave a tea bag, a tiny drop of milk, no loo roll, no oil. After all they don't use much ...

I think a compromise. Put any packet or bottle that is more than about 20% full into locked storage as you say. Leave them one roll of loo paper, the arse end of a packet of rice or pasta. Leave out the salt and a couple of basic herbs/spices, it would definitelybe petty to hide the salt away. Don't buy anything fresh for them specially but when you are buying things like milk, eggs etc for yourselves between now and sunday, buy big enough volumes that you'll have a bit of milk and a couple of eggs left over to leave for them. Let them arrive to a house where there's a very few bits and bobs that they can snaffle up but they can't freeload off you.

I’d take it home otherwise they might think the locked cupboard is petty. To keep the peace just leave a few minimum supplies

This. I would either pack my stuff up or take it home

Do it. I would too. Not normally petty, but she started it….lol. Leave them one of each thing to make the point.

I vote for the pettiness. I think I would take stuff away and leave minimum for arrival e.g. some milk, half a dozen eggs, couple of loo rolls, coffee and tea (small jar/box), pos small bottle of oil, a couple of dishwasher tabs left in the box. If asked, you used everything up.

My parents share one teabag regularly, as one of them prefers a weaker cuppa than the other.

This would deeply irritate me, but I think I’d want to have a conversation, rather than just squirrel everything away. Depends on your relationship with her, though.

In our family it would be openly mentioned in quite a blunt way like ‘alright tightarse, it’s your turn to buy the loo roll, we’ve bought the washing tabs, olive oil and teabags’. Difficult for her to dodge the issue then. But if your DH doesn’t have that sort of relationship with his sister it’s more tricky.

From reading your op again, you’re turning up to there being no oil or loo roll meaning they are using/taking it all! Definitely only leave two tea bags and one dishwasher tab. Then when you go back next time see how they leave it for you…

Hundred per cent. They’re taking the pee. I don’t see it as petty. Why should you spend your money that I presume you work hard for on them

but I think I’d want to have a conversation,

ops original post they state

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’)

Can’t stand tight grabby people. It’s one thing being thrifty, but to leech off other people’s generosity just shows a manipulative and self serving mindset. Even though it would go against my nature, I would leave them nothing and play them at their own game. I would also take the piss at every opportunity too. Grabby fuckers.