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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lock up all our food etc when we leave

879 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 12/08/2025 02:58

OtterlyMad · 11/08/2025 18:11

YANBU. They would have to be very bold to complain, but if they do, you can say “it’s just the two of you, you hardly need anything”. 🙃

LOL, yes to this.

Pack the essentials in a suitcase and bring it home with you. Leave them enough bog roll for one use.

99bottlesofkombucha · 12/08/2025 03:14

user1492757084 · 12/08/2025 02:39

I would not be so petty.
You need another system.

You need a bare essentials list on the kitchen wall.
All who use the cottage should make sure that there is enough loo paper, tea, coffee, long life milk, rubbish bags and oil maybe.
All fresh food and milk can be consumed.

If that doesn't work allocate one cupboard shelf each and know that when you borrow from others it should be replaced.

But you cant make other people do things. You can only control what you can directly change, the op should focus on that. So it is within her control to leave a packet of biscuits with one biscuit left in it with a bite taken out of it. 🤪🤪

Maxorias · 12/08/2025 03:39

OP, please please please be the pettiest petty person that's ever shared accomodations with SIL, and please let us know if she dares say anything about it !

IamNotBeingUnreasonable · 12/08/2025 03:51

I'd be leaving 1 square of toilet paper😁

LoudSnoringDog · 12/08/2025 04:06

Im all for being petty.

please make sure you return OP and tell us what happens

BeesUnicornPot · 12/08/2025 05:13

No need for pettiness, just agree a list between you all of things that need to be left in the cottage upon leaving as a bare minimum.

BeesUnicornPot · 12/08/2025 05:14

Or the one shelf per family idea, I also like that!

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 12/08/2025 05:37

Leave enough to ensure they're not inconvenienced when they first arrive. Your husband sounds great. I love the ‘go high!’ attitude. I get why it’s bugging you though.

MaMaMalenka · 12/08/2025 05:59

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 19:33

Really don't want to drip feed but loads of CF memories coming back now. The time we were there together and I said - pointedly - that we were down to our last toilet roll in the bathroom and SIL said 'oh but you still have a roll on your dressing table!' (It was half a roll that I used to blot my foundation, but of course she'd clocked it)

I'm willing to bet half a bag of pasta and two tea bags that they will leave nothing behind next time they stay - if they buy anything such as loo roll, oil, tea, they'll pack it and take it away.

OneVividJoker · 12/08/2025 06:10

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

Whilst some would say its petty, I would say that they're on to a good thing and not playing the game.
They're getting above average use of the cottage anyway.
Regardless of anyone else's viewpoint, the simple fact of the matter is who can really afford to subsidise another family these days? Leave enough out to tide them over till they can get to the shops, and no more.

AiryFairyLights · 12/08/2025 06:41

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

I'd absolutely do it @ChangerMonNom and I think you've come up with the perfect solution 😉
You are absolutely right on this 👍🏻

GiantTeddyIsTired · 12/08/2025 06:41

Leave dregs out - couple of teabags/tabs, half a loo-roll in one toilet etc.

Enough for plausible deniability. Then if it's mentioned, just say that with there being so many of you you just got so busy you forgot to replenish.

Wide-eyed innocence.

And wrap stuff in that suitcase so it's not obvious when it's picked up that it has glass bottles/whatever in it - because she will go hunting.

And yes, it will neatly illustrate the issue, because next time you go they won't have bought/left anything at all.

Moonnstars · 12/08/2025 06:52

YANBU. I would leave them with nothing.
I would even make a comment to SIL that you thought everyone was now just bringing their own items and taking things home if unused as every time you have stayed after them nothing has been left for you and you therefore assumed each family were taking what their own family needs.

Roselilly36 · 12/08/2025 07:09

That would make me cross too, yep don’t leave anything and especially not loo roll, if they mention none there, say yes the same when we arrived last time it’s very inconvenient. Might make them think.

diddl · 12/08/2025 07:11

I'd leave it as she does for you.

How can that be wrong?

Radiatorvalves · 12/08/2025 07:15

DelphiniumBlue · 11/08/2025 18:10

I would leave a little bit of supplies, eg one toilet roll, a dishwasher tab, a few tea bags or instant coffee, but put away the rest.

This would be me!

OneMoreProfiterole · 12/08/2025 07:16

hmmimnotsurewhy · 11/08/2025 18:38

Team petty. Definitely leave 3 so one of them is going to be so pissed off making the next one 😅
or leave 4 but rip a tiny tear in one.
CF- I hate tight people. Hate them

‘rip a tiny tear in one’

I love you.

MeridianB · 12/08/2025 07:19

Your SIL’s husband is equally culpable in this.

It’s easy to see why you haven’t been tempted to buy them out - of course they would still expect to stay as much as they want with zero contribution.

Sunburstclocklover · 12/08/2025 07:20

Whichone2024 · 11/08/2025 18:13

Yes this, and then they would have no choice but to buy some supplies when they run out

Yeah true but I'd put money on them taking home any left overs at the end of their holiday! But still better than them using your stuff. It'll be inconvenient for them. Good! I can't stand that kind of behaviour. Can't wrap my head around her resentment of her nephews actually eating and drinking food provided for them by their parents. I would remind your DH about her slightly unhinged comments about his boys!

Sunburstclocklover · 12/08/2025 07:24

EscapeTheCastle · 11/08/2025 18:21

I would leave 3 teabags. Then in the morning one of them would have to go without.
Or would 5 be better? Then you can be really "innocent" if they bring it up.

I need an evil laugh emoji!

Tontostitis · 12/08/2025 07:25

ladymalfoy45 · 11/08/2025 18:20

Couple of tea bags but you need a jar of coffee with just a little bit in that's gone rock solid.

You could save space and store the salt you're leaving in with the coffee

suburburban · 12/08/2025 07:26

In some places I visit there is a locked cupboard, can you do this?

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 12/08/2025 07:27

I'm team Three Teabags.

God I hate tight people.

CottageGoblin · 12/08/2025 07:28

It’s not going to make them change their ways. CFs don’t care.

Viviennemary · 12/08/2025 07:40

I'd think again about sharing with such mean inconsiderate people. Where is the pleasure in that. I would just take it all home.