To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP I’m with you. It’s the fact they expect it and take it for granted. I would 100 percent do the same!!

And Once they’ve been a couple of times to find a lonely tea bag and a few sheets of loo roll, there will be the inevitable whinge. That’s your opportunity to set down future ground rules.

We have a holiday house and no one is as petty as your SIL!! And we ask for £500/week.

So you own 70% of the cottage but they use it more and you paid for all the refurbs, yet somehow they think it’s ok not to chip in for household stuff when they use it?

Lock it all in the suitcase. I wouldn’t give a crap if they whinged tbh.

Why should you carry on subbing them?

Love this comment!!!

Do they leave you fresh milk and eggs etc? If they don’t then knock that on the head too!

I have this with my brothers / sil’s we all use dads old bungalow decided not to sell when he died just share it. It works well except for the store cupboards and the bedding/towels.

in the end I have resorted to just taking my own stuff to and fro. I have a big plastic box, in it is all my basic holiday stuff - tea coffee sugar etc etc, when we go down I just add anything I want from my kitchen. Fresh stuff in the cold box, bedding towels are all ready packed in their case. When we get home I wash the bedding and repack - case is kept under our bed, go through the box and replace as needed ( the box when we are there is just kept on the kitchen table and used as you would a cupboard) we hardly touch the stuff that’s in the bungalow maybe salt/pepper or something I’ve forgotten but I just replace as needed.

I think one of my sil’s does the same . The other complains and says she doesn’t understand why we can’t all just share, but she doesn’t share she uses and that really pissed me off.

she also complains because we pay the elderly couple next door to keep an eye on the place, it can stand empty for 2 or 3 weeks at a time, they put the bins out air it if they know someone’s going down, and just keep an eye on it, we pay them £20 a month for this, £5 each ! I would pay them more because I think it’s worth the piece of mind but they refuse to take it. Sil moans every time she sees the accounts and had to pay 🙄

I wouldn’t even leave them that much.

This. I would leave stuff but it would be painfully minimalist.

Not an entire loo roll though. Just 1/8 would be the finger up I was trying to confer.

👆This

I think an empty teabag box with one torn teabag, just casually left there. Because you didn't notice. And one banana, because hey, you're just random 🤷🏼‍♂️

A torn teabag - brilliant !😆

Only enough for a wee though.

I’d be locking some food away, they will notice that it’s all empty and will then get the message

You’re quite right. In my mind, I was thinking a conversation more along the lines of calling out the tight and selfish behaviour: ‘alright tightarse, it’s your turn to buy’, so they can’t weasel out and they know they’re viewed as tight. Rather than the polite request OP has made, that they’ve felt able to ignore.

But it does depend on how the family operates. It could be no amount of conversing works. In which case, I’d go petty all the way!!

Yes, this one. Petty petty petty! 🙂

I wouldn't lock them up as that's a bit petty looking. I wouldn't bother with any further conversation on it either. I'd just start taking the vast majority of stuff home with me - leaving the house as I find it essentially. They'll get the point pretty quickly.

@ChangerMonNom

What happens with cleaning supplies? Who purchases them and who replenishes them?
If it's you all the time that needs looking at too.
I wouldn't be taking cleaning supplies home but there needs to be some kind of system where everyone buys new cleaning supplies before they leave if they are running low. Or a kitty which everyone contributes to and one of your purchases them in bulk a couple of times a year so there's enough.

I'd like to bet CFs have never bought window cleaner, cleaning cloths, multipurpose cleaner etc

I agree. They don't need six eggs for "just the two of them"/s

I absolutely agree with this. Most people who have pretty much unlimited access to a reburbished holiday home, the vast majority of which is owned and paid for by another family would be really grateful and would make sure that they are contributing fairly to the groceries/toilet rolls etc.

However, as they are rude and entitled cheeky fuckers I assume that they will be really cross if they arrive and find that your family hasn't supplied all the necessities that you usually do. Be prepared for them complaining bitterly to your PILs and your DH about how unfair you are being. But whatever they do and say, do not cave. You have right on your side.

Team petty here - except it's not petty, she is being a tight CF and I can't stand users.
Definitely leave remains, 1 d/w tab etc and as for coffee I think I have a rock hard bit left in a jar here that I'll happily donate to the cause.😉

I would do as others have suggested and leave the bare minimum - couple of teabags, one inch of oil etc. When and if she comments about it just throw her words back at her - but you hardly use anything for just two of you!!

I wouldn't leave them anything if they are too tight to show you the same courtesy that you've already shown them. I vote for standing up for yourself and giving them the virtual finger.

Eggs cost a fortune these days anyway. I wouldn't be leaving them behind. It's like leaving a gold ingot on the kitchen counter for them.

Also eggs are so precious that I'd be worried about leaving them there and the CFs not wanting to eat them and chucking them.

Another vote for stowing everything that isn't nailed to the floor.

#LockUpYourTeaspoons

Take it all with you.(or leave just a couple of items)
There's just the two of them; they hardly use anything.
I say this from experience. We did not own a holiday cottage but frequently stayed in holiday cottages when our DC were young.
Nowadays, the owner often leaves a pint of milk, and some condiments for general use, but this was not the case in the past.
We literally had to take everything with us, and clear it out when we left.

I would give them a taste of their own medicine and lock up the loo roll as well lol. Some people are so inconsiderate. Also, how do you know they are not doing the same? Locking up the loo rolls etc for when they return? Maybe thats why there is nothing left when you go.