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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lock up all our food etc when we leave

879 replies

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:05

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

OP posts:
Travelfairy · 11/08/2025 23:34

It is petty but they are being unbelievably tight so yes I probably would so as to save you a late night shop on your next visit. Some people are simply unreal!

wfhwfh · 11/08/2025 23:35

I would lock up your things. Not to be petty but so that you know you won’t return to nothing.

It isn’t the way it should work - each guest ensure there is toilet roll, etc for the next guest. But you know they won’t do this so look after yourself!

Gremlins101 · 11/08/2025 23:36

Yanbu

LOLsurprize · 11/08/2025 23:42

Do it!

If questioned say you may arrive late in the day next visit preventing you being able to go out so need the essentials.

nmsi · 11/08/2025 23:45

If questioned she can just say "I assumed we were bringing our own things now as you've never left anything for us".

MrStragglyFox · 11/08/2025 23:57

BreadInCaptivity · 11/08/2025 18:22

One plus one that’s torn would be my go to….

I snorted out loud at this!😁

You lot are wicked!!😂😂

Bleachedlevis · 12/08/2025 00:01

Givers have to stop because Takers never will.

Berryberry6 · 12/08/2025 00:07

I couldn't cope with this! Not being unreasonable at all. Very cheeky of SIL to treat you like a free supermarket. Lock it all up and leave 2 sheets of toilet roll and a teabag 😂.

ThriveAT · 12/08/2025 00:13

You are right.

Alacartemenu · 12/08/2025 00:13

ChangerMonNom · 11/08/2025 18:18

Question - is two teabags left in the caddy more pointed than none at all?

That's more consideration they are showing your family

I'd leave one teabag and enjoy imagining sil and her dh deciding who should have it... It might drive the point home.

freerangethighs · 12/08/2025 00:14

I'd definitely put the items I'd want on my next trip in the locked suitcase and wouldn't consider it petty, just practical. You'll want the things next time you're back at the cottage and you know they'll be used and not replaced if you leave them out. They don't even need to know that there's a locked suitcase or speculate about what's in it.

I WOULD leave out items only if it would be more trouble to pack them away - for example, perishables you don't want to take with you, partial loo roll already on the dispenser, etc. Teabags can go in the suitcase if you'll use them later, out if you won't. It's too bad they won't reciprocate and leave the basics for you in case you arrive late as you've been doing for them, as that would be nicest for everyone, but no point in continuing to try if they think they are exempt from contributing.

BondAway25 · 12/08/2025 00:18

OtterlyMad · 11/08/2025 18:11

YANBU. They would have to be very bold to complain, but if they do, you can say “it’s just the two of you, you hardly need anything”. 🙃

This is perfect!!

Dh is not 'going high' he's being taken for a ride by his sister who is calling him a mug. Put it to him like that & see if he still thinks it's ok.

Painrelief · 12/08/2025 00:20

Maybe leave a “shopping list” of stuff that you have run out of and you could leave it lying about and then you can look less petty coz you was “meaning to stock up “ but forgot 🤣

although I love petty me ! And I would too be leaving dribbles of stuff .

Driftingawaynow · 12/08/2025 00:23

Leave the basics including loo roll and tea etc plus additional luxury biscuits and a nice bottle or 2 of fizz, but place them in a locked and impenetrable thickened glass box

the5thgoldengirl · 12/08/2025 00:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Alacartemenu · 12/08/2025 00:30

Driftingawaynow · 12/08/2025 00:23

Leave the basics including loo roll and tea etc plus additional luxury biscuits and a nice bottle or 2 of fizz, but place them in a locked and impenetrable thickened glass box

This is Moriarty level stuff and wins the thread for me🏅 👏 👌

Hodge00079 · 12/08/2025 00:33

Please don’t leave supplies for the CFs. Only leave odd bits. See how they like getting in and having to do a shop.

If SIL asks, say you used existing supplies. Presumed that each ‘family’ getting their own supplies. Or if you want to be more forthright, say we have mentioned supplies a few times. You never replenish and it is wearing thin. Going forward better that each ‘family’ getting their own supplies. And as there is only two of them they will only need a small shop.

Walkerzoo · 12/08/2025 00:35

Please update us what you did

And update on the reaction.

I am in team lock it up leaving very little of anything

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 12/08/2025 00:41

Agree with pp - leave the bare minimum but not enough to last them their stay.

I think you then need an honest conversation with DH about whether this arrangement is still working for you. In your position I’d be looking to buy them out and change the locks.

Therealjudgejudy · 12/08/2025 00:44

I'd leave 3 teabags...nothing else.

Can't stand tight cfs

Driftingawaynow · 12/08/2025 00:48

Alacartemenu · 12/08/2025 00:30

This is Moriarty level stuff and wins the thread for me🏅 👏 👌

I thank you

Cattenberg · 12/08/2025 00:48

Flossflower · 11/08/2025 21:51

Izal. I am fairly sure it is not made now. I used to have to buy it for my aunt about 15 years ago. It was really hard to get hold of then and it was so,expensive. Over a pound for one roll 15 years ago.

Expensive? I always assumed it was super cheap and that's why you found it in places like public toilets.

I never thought I'd say this, but what a shame if it isn't made anymore. I would have liked to leave a generous supply for SIL. If she took it home, she would suffer for her stinginess. And if she didn't, well it would be there waiting for her next time she came to stay...

cosmos1001 · 12/08/2025 01:52

Do it, they can go and get their own. Selfish behaviour on their part. Especially as they have no children to drag around the shops etc no excuse.

user1492757084 · 12/08/2025 02:39

I would not be so petty.
You need another system.

You need a bare essentials list on the kitchen wall.
All who use the cottage should make sure that there is enough loo paper, tea, coffee, long life milk, rubbish bags and oil maybe.
All fresh food and milk can be consumed.

If that doesn't work allocate one cupboard shelf each and know that when you borrow from others it should be replaced.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 12/08/2025 02:54

I’d stash it! My dad had a caravan and we and my brother used it, we kept separate locked food boxes. Stops fall outs.

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