To lock up all our food etc when we leave

[ChangerMonNom]

We share a holiday cottage with DH family (his parents, older sister and partner) and use it at different times. For clarity- everyone contributes financially but DH and I the most as we are a family of four and earn more also.

In the summer holidays, we tend to go up the first few weeks of august, then head home. At this point, SIL and partner will come and use it. They probably use it more than us in total as they have no kids so can go during term time also, and can WFH so tend to have lots of mini breaks throughout the year.

When we leave, we make sure place is spotless and leave fresh milk (if SIL due to arrive), eggs, coffee, occasionally some treats and always whatever is left of all purchases (cooking oil, laundry powder, condiments, kitchen roll, plentiful loo roll).

On the flip side, SIL and partner will use all our stuff up and not replace it, meaning we often arrive late evening and find we are missing eg oil to cook dinner or even toilet roll.

We have mentioned this politely a few times but got no meaningful response (other than to say ‘it’s just the two of us, we hardly use anything’) This 100 per cent won’t be just thoughtlessness on their part - SIL is notoriously tight.

Anyway- we are due to pack up Sunday and I am considering putting all store cupboard items in a combination lockable suitcase and keeping them stashed away until our return. They will no doubt notice this as they take for granted things like salt and dishwasher tabs being available.

DH told me not to he so petty and ‘go high’, but honestly I’m fed up of SIL and her partner’s behaviour and this might be the only way to make them see what they are doing (although to he perfectly honest, I will slightly enjoy pissing them off).

So who’s right MN?

You should make an agreement that everyone buys set things in readiness for the next person, such as the things you can order in advance, if staying in a villa abroad. The basics really.

I would expect them to buy the cheapest they possibly can, but this is an alternative.

It’s a shame they are so mean.
However I would probably arrive with the things I need, knowing they have taken the spares home with them, leaving you nothing.

I’d do that too. Enough for the first night or so.

Yup.

This! Just don’t leave anything there, don’t do them any favours again. Keep your box of goodies ready for your next trip. You sound lovely. I’d defo be leaving you milk etc if you were next in after me!

You either have a whole family agreement on how stocking up works, or only take what you need, and leave behind what you don't use. Don't get obviously petty because you'll look like the nasty one & your message will be lost.

Just quietly take almost of it home, no need to involve your DH, & if it's commented on, say you're getting better at knowing how much your family needs for their break, and have kindly left the bits over to start them off. After all, they don't need much!

I would remove strategic lightbulbs and replace them with duff ones as well……but I’m a bitch. 🤣

Leave a load of tea bags, but get Rooibos, Lady Grey or some other ‘not normal tea’ and stick them in the caddy instead. They’ll have tea, but it’ll taste different!

Leave a few washing tablets but prick little holes in them so they leak in the box and are useless.

Is it going too far to rub a cut chilli on all the loose roll? Or itching powder.

I’m a total pushover so would be Team DH but inwardly seethe so I’m living vicariously through you 😁

I’d 100% be doing this because it would be far better than the rage that filled me when we got down to find no basics in the cupboards. And if it came up say ‘oh yes I’ve started keeping a stash locked up as I would get the absolute rage coming down to find no basic supplies left, I cannot even begin to tell you what a difference it makes to not have to come down and go straight to the shops, I was thinking about selling the place as it made me so mad, so I thought we’d try this to see if it saves my mental health and family harmony.’

Make sure you leave a toilet roll with like 4 squares on she will soon get the message .
I agree with you completely they need to replace essential items at least.
That is something you would automatically do.
They're being thougtless just stop doing what your doing they will get the message.

I don’t think it will sound petty at all if you sell it as for the good of the family and because you would get so mad you were thinking of selling - the fear at losing their free holiday might shut them up.

You're right, but the question is, how are you going to handle it?
Would you want to make one last try to use words, maybe with an email saying, "I know I mentioned before the problem of you're not replacing things, and, for instance, when we arrive most recently..." Maybe concrete examples would help.
Otherwise, sure, lock up everything. A small trunk might be better than a suitcase.

Another vote for team Petty. Your SIL is taking the piss. Nothing worse than right arses.

Go for the sneaky middle ground. Decant the coffee and salt, dishwasher tabs etc down to a meagre amount I.e. not enough for more than one coffee/tea, a solitary shits-worth of toilet paper etc.

Then she can't say there wasn't anything left and if she does say anything you can give your husband a wide-eyed "I don't know why she's being so weird, we left stuff there for them?" 🤔"surely they don't expect more than just the leftovers? I've said before I'm happy to do a kitty." 😇

Just leave one slightly ripped tea bag and one Damp manky looking one.

How is it petty to give them the same 'courtesy' they offer you? I'd leave them nothing (or possibly a single tea bag and a very nearly empty loo roll out of pure spite), but I'd go the extra step and take most of my things home with me. If you leave it in a box or basket, it will be easy enough to carry to and from the car.

I’d leave nothing at all. Except maybe a few little packets of motorway service station salt and pepper.

Lock every last grain of salt away! Cheeky fuckers!

Do it! “Go high” = assume doormat position and stay quiet like a good little girl.
Tight people are like cheeky fuckers - they only remain so, due to people quietly rolling over ie: enabling them

I think as you already mentioned it it's time to leave your own supplies locked up

One would be better…

Have you considered locking the good stuff away but still restocking everything as normal but literally buying the worse possible quality version of everything so that using it is almost pointless e.g. tracing paper toilet roll, and saw dust tea bags. Or whichever washing powder has the most hideous, overpowering scent…

I would lock it up, as you say the major benefit is maybe they will think about their pettiness and realise the implications of being someone that uses everything up, but equally enjoy the fact that they will suffer in a very minor way. Honestly I can't see a downside - if they get moody about it you can say - oh, yes, our family uses a lot of stuff, that's why we buy so much. Must be lovely to only need to buy two teabags to last you a week! tinkly laugh

Do it.
Let them experience the annoyance of arriving and finding very little or nothing.

That's exactly why they remain so. Because they get away with it.
This couple are CFs, it sounds like they are at the cottage more than the OP yet are paying less for it because the OP and DH earn more and they also have two children.

The CF couple then say they "don't use much" because there's only two of them but they are there more often so probably use the same amount as OP and family. They are getting away with it because OP leaves the stuff there and leaves "treats" (fuck that!!) and she's generous and things of others (ie. wouldn't want someone to arrive to find no milk, tea bags, toilet paper etc). They don't return the favour at all. Then when asked about it they make an excuse that's there's just the two of them and they expect OP to continue to provide stuff for them.

OP's DH says "go high" thereby making OP doubt herself about locking the stuff up when what he should be saying is, nah, that's not on, we'll just take our stuff away in future because CFs don't leave anything for us.

They've been spoken to, they haven't changed so the only way to stop the CF behaviour is to stop providing any stuff (apart from the toilet roll because that's awful not leaving toilet roll).