Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

No I never

They told me that they were called to a disturbance by a neighbour.

Now I have my Aunt calling me saying that I shouldn’t have went to the house and I need to stop looking for and causing trouble.

I’m sorry, you now have regrets about letting him take your son god knows where to do god knows what, BECAUSE HES BEEN RUDE TO YOU?

Of all the reasons for you to regret it, this is the LEAST important.

In the great scheme of all this, to be worrying about someone being rude to you is beyond laughable.

Well yes obviously, but that’s not what the previous poster was talking about. She meant ask them what actually happened - what was the disturbance about? What did police find when they got to the house? Was anybody injured? Was anybody arrested? Why does cousins boyfriend say he had to run because he was afraid for his life? Etc etc etc. You still know nothing about what your son was caught up in. And we know you didn’t ask the police any of that because you’ve told us repeatedly that you hadn’t, and didn’t want to.

You have repeatedly said you new your son was with him going to people's homes and spending the day with him. Away from your cousin.
You just keep backtracking and making stuff up.

With respect, the only Aunty you need to listen to is this one. Your cousin is a turncoat who has no loyalty to her own blood and her boyfriend is a spineless creep. Aunty is right isn’t she? I’d let your husband go round and iron him out like the fairy he is.

I think most people have given up replying to you, your on another planet.

I feel so so sorry for your son.

Your child was harmed. Scared and forgotten hiding in a wardrobe is harmed

You have lied and changed your story so many times on this thread that it's hard to tell what to believe. But in any case, your cousin's boyfriend is a criminal (not to mention a backward-thinking brute). Why on earth did you ever trust a criminal to take your son out? That's absolutely insane.

And you won't tell your husband about going to your cousin's house today because he'd beat up the boyfriend? So your husband is violent as well.

It's tragic that people live in circumstances where violence and crime are normalised. I feel very sorry for the 10-year-old child who is growing up to think this sort of life is all he can aspire to.

So the boyfriend left your son behind because he was running for his life. Your son witnessed this and hid in the wardrobe, presumably scared for his own life. And you think he's absolutely fine because he says he is. Not because he's terrified that if he says anything different someone will come after him like they did the man he was with. Your son has witnessed something terrible, he absolutely is NOT okay. No matter what you think and how well you think you know him. Children are very good at keeping things from their parents. As I said upthread, my mum would have said exactly the same, that I was fine, she knew me, and after all, I had told her I was okay. I wasn't.

it's hard to tell what to believe

I've been trying to help you with this.

If he now claims his life was in danger then that means he left your child in a dangerous situation. The boy must have been scared. From here I would say not to allow him access to your son again but I’m not sure you will stick to your guns with that. Your cousin is part of the problem. She probably doesn’t want to lose her nice lifestyle paid for through crime. Have you considered moving away?

This is the first time I’ve come back to this thread in about 3 days and I’m amazed it’s still going

By now, OP, your son’s school will have had a report about this incident.

I’m a DSL and have been receiving them all summer about incidents of domestic violence/disturbance where children are involved. Some of these reports will lead to the involvement of other agencies, particularly when parents/carers are not acting protectively.

You might want to consider how that conversation might go in September.

This can’t be real surely? You need to tell your husband

😅

To be honest with you, I do actually want to get out of London. I have been feeling like this for a long time now.

Sorry for being rude to you earlier, it’s just a stressful time for me.

I haven’t lied.

No my husband isn’t violent but he will not have anyone disrespecting me or bringing harm to our son, he is our only child we are so grateful to have him because couldn’t conceive after we had him.

I made my phone number into a little song, and both my kids knew it by the time they were 4! I think it's pretty normal for most kids to know at least one parent's phone number by the age of 10.

OP, I’m not sure if you will read, understand, or take this on but your ‘audience’ of posters here have moved from horrified sympathy, through confusion, to frustration. Some have moved further, on to disbelief that you have behaved so irresponsibly, and some have moved to disbelief of your whole ‘story’. You have lost a lot of credibility by refusing to tell the Police who it was who took your son to the house where he was found. I don’t know if the Police asked him who it was but if they did and he didn’t tell them we can only presume he has been indoctrinated in your culture of ‘don’t tell tales’, ‘don’t dob someone in it to the Police even if they are criminals’. If all of this is true I fear for your son. You are probably beyond redemption.

You said you went to your cousin’s home today to find out what happened, but you have repeatedly told us the Police told you what happened, so which was it ? Did you really expect to be told the whole truth by your cousin’s boyfriend, the man who left your vulnerable son to fend for himself because said boyfriend scarpered in fear of his life ? How did you think you would ‘get closure’ by speaking to cousin’s boyfriend ? Even if he gave you an account of the happenings how would you have determined if he was telling the truth ?

You have told us you aren’t in fear of your cousin’s boyfriend but you, and I quote ‘I am not willing to give him up to the police, I don’t know what he’ll do.’ Which is it ?

Your accounts on here have more holes than a colander; it is not surprising many posters disbelieve you and even those who do believe you are sick and tired of trying to support you due to your inconsistency and failure to ‘do the right thing’. If you are entrenched in a sub-society where you aren’t prepared to work with the Police (despite the fact they rescued your son and brought him home), then I think a lot of us feel you can, for want of a better expression, go and ‘stew in your own juice’.

You’ve either been stringing us along or, as I said, you are beyond redemption. If there really is a 10 year old caught up in this I am so sorry for him.

Honey, you have a dear family problem in more ways than one. First the whole cousins boyfriend - potentially a criminal but in any event someone who likes to throw his weight about. Claims he wouldn't put your son in danger but also claims he could have lost his life in the incident so ran like a big cowardly custard and left your son behind, firmly in harm's way. You are 100% entitled to loose your shit over this. You are entitled to go ape shit. You are entitled to give his name to the police. You are entitled to protect your son. You are entitled to tell him his behaviour wasn't acceptable. You are entitled to tell him that you are disappointed that not only did he leave your son but he did nothing to then get your son out of the situation and left you to find out from the police. You are entitled to name and shame him. Anyone who suggests you aren't (looking at you cousin and Auntie) needs to be excommunicated from your life and told they are not welcome in your life. Second, your cousin. Would she be quite as forgiving if it were her daughter found in the cupboard? Third, auntie, again does she think it is acceptable for your son to be put in danger by this bloke. Would she be so willing if it were her child? Please for the love of all that is good and holy, do not be half assed in expressing your displeasure and anger with all of these people and do not let your voice be diminished. Lastly, dear husband - I'm not normally an advocate of violence but the bf sounds like a mysoginistic prick. I would 100% stand aside and let my husband take this man to task in my name. I know you believe you know your son and that he is ok but maybe just keep an eye on him - PTSD can arise some time after events.

It's absolutely addictive.

OP. You’ve been ignoringthe most thoughtful posts on here and randomly replying to other stuff, but please, read this one and think about what’s been said.

What the fuck??? Of course you give the police his details.

You have let your son down here, in more ways than one

Perhaps give some serious consideration to looking at an exchange or transfer or even selling if you own. Sometimes it’s better to have a bit of distance. Sometimes you can be a little too close to family. Whatever you decide good luck.