Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

Tell her that her boyfriend is spineless and needs to learn how to look after children properly. I still don’t understand how he forgot your son and you haven’t explained it either.

Because a lot of what you describe is similar to the dynamics within traveler communities.

To use a favourite MN phrase, did you mean to be rude? I, along with everyone else, am trying to help you. You've said your son has chosen to go out with your cousin's boyfriend for years. You clearly have no idea what they were doing or where they were going each time. Otherwise you would have known they were in that particular house. The boyfriend wanted to buy your son a bike. How do you know he hasn't bought your son small treats, even ice cream, sweets etc in the past? Some children would consider an adult who can buy chocolate etc at a whim rich.

The fact is you don't know very much about what happened each time they went out together. You don't seem to have asked any questions about it but made assumptions, such as going to buy food. They probably did buy food but what else did they do? You don't know because you didn't ask.

Ironically, you call me pathetic when all I am doing is sticking up for a 10 year old boy. Ask yourself why so many strangers are concerned about him when you, the person who should be most concerned, name calls and insults us for putting him first. I sincerely hope this does come back to bite you, either with SS or with your son when he's older and starts processing this properly.

Don't bother responding to this post with additional name calling or insults. I will ignore you as you are clearly ignoring the needs of your son, imo. You asked if SS would consider neglect - reflect on each time your son went out with this man and ask yourself if you honestly know where they were for the whole time, including the last time at the house. If the answer is no, I believe you have neglected your son because you didn't care to find out the details from either him or the boyfriend. Because of your casual attitude to their trips, you contributed to your son being abandoned in a wardrobe in a house with a disturbance requiring police involvement.

Should SS be involved? I think they should. You knowingly allowed your son to spend time alone with someone you knew was a criminal, who put him in danger recently and, instead of protecting him, abandoned him as he put himself first. You don't want to ask difficult questions and find out what happened. Are you doing what's right for your son - I don't think so. It's all very sad.

Well if we get nothing from this post and the total BS that the poster wound us up with… it’s this pearl of wisdom! Why didn’t I think of this? Love it! 👏🏻 My kids will be having this on all their labels going forward x

I don’t know how he forgot him either, I believe he was thinking about himself.

I don’t think I will ever get answers now, he said I am rude and I need to learn some manners.

He knows my phone and our home address off by heart due to online shopping and online purchases, and seen as he doesn’t own a phone of his own yet…

He needs a smack. Manners??? Does he think you’re a child? You have every right to demand an explanation after his atrocious behaviour. OP, do tell us what culture you’re from. Is it one where women are not expected to question men?

I am not from the Muslim community or from one where women have to respect men.

I am just from a place where we don’t call police unless very serious or give out peoples names.

Yes, the audacity of him, he is really showing his true colours now.

I would say your 10 year old child hiding in peoples bedrooms while his ‘childcare’ did one and left him there in a house where there was aggression, fighting and shouting. Also going out with a criminal/dealer ‘potentially’ dropping drugs off at people’s houses is pretty serious OP.
But that’s just my take.. that’s obviously not up there on the serious score to you.

Well I’m glad you’re not, because that means you don’t have to kowtow to his bullshit. Manners indeed, what an arse.

He was not dropping off drugs to anyone.

I will be going to my cousins house later for answers.

Thought you said you didn't know what was going on and you didn't want to ask either? 🤔

Oh right so he just went to this house and started shouting/fighting and ran off from the police leaving your child for no reason at all, as you do…

Well people in this group are making up stories in there heads.

He was dropping off drugs
He was using your son to drop of drugs
He is grooming your child
He is SA’ing your child

Which I know none of the above are true, I will find out from my cousin today. The whole situation is frustrating and stressing me out, I need some closure.

Let’s hope you get some answers 👍🏻

If it's not drugs, is your cousin's boyfriend a ' money lender ' ?

I am not from the Muslim community or from one where women have to respect men.
I am just from a place where we don’t call police unless very serious or give out peoples names.

Sunderland?

But he’s been in your family for years. He’s that’s close he takes your son out, you’re besties with his partner, and at no point what he does for a living hasn’t ever come up in conversation? Not once?

My sister’s partner has been in our family for 25 years. When my child was 10, there is no world where I would let him take them out regularly and not know where they were going, what they were doing. That is a very strange relationship for someone to have with a 10 year old who isn’t his, weirder still because you seem to think it is purely because he is a boy. If this had happened to me, I would know every detail of what happened by now. You don’t need to know the names of the officers who dropped him off to find out what had happened. You call them and they will have a report.

Just saying you will stop him seeing your son is not enough. I know my child very well. They will tell me anything. However, I also know abusers well, and how they manipulate children goes way beyond what you can imagine your child is capable of. If they have not sat you down and told you every detail of what has happened, they are hiding something. Your reluctance to tell the police who he is makes you complicit in whatever it is he is doing. The man neglected your son and put him in harms way but you still think you owe him something. Crazy.

So we’ve established what was NOT happening in the house. Any idea what WAS? I mean we know it was something dodgy because the spineless boyfriend ran away. There isn’t even any mention of the people whose house it was. Did they run away too? Or were they in a different wardrobe?

I'm finding hard to understand why there hasn't been any further involvement with the Police and/or Social Services?
Discovering a 10 year old child cowering in fear inside a wardrobe, in a house where there has been a 'disturbance', taking him home to find that his mother won't cooperate with their questions...
All very odd.

I already told you all that my son told me

I don’t think I will ever get answers now

What questions have you actually asked?

This! What qualifies as very serious in their community?!

I recall you asked your son if he was ok to which he replied yes and then you didn’t want to quiz him any further?
You dismissed the idea of trauma and PTSD and just abruptly stated he didn’t have that nor did he need counselling.

You didn’t want to ask the people in question what happened/nor did you want to contact the police about it.

But because your son said he’s ok (probably because he either A: knows no different or B: because he can’t open up to you as your too self absorbed) your moving on, pretending you’ve tried your best.