Am I exaggerating?

[iamstillfuming]

Can you please tell me whether I am exaggerating and taken things too far in this situation, because I have been told by certain people that I must let it go.

My 10 year old son went out with my cousins boyfriend yesterday, he usually comes for him and takes him out for the day.

I got a phone call from the police to tell me that they had my son, and they were going to bring him home to me. I called my cousins boyfriend straight away, my instant thought was maybe something had happened to him, because why did I just receive a phone call from the police telling me that they had my child.

He didn't pick up, when the police arrived with my son they couldn't give me much detail on what had happened except they were called to a disturbance in a house and my son was found by them hiding in a wardrobe, he only spoken to them to give them my number.

My son isn't used to loud noise (he is very sensitive to noise) neither is he ever been exposed to any violence etc.

I asked my son what had happened, he told me that my cousins boyfriend had taken him to a house, people started shouting, arguing and fighting he got scared and hid in wardrobe, he thought that my cousins boyfriend would come and get him but he didn't and the police lady come and got him out.

I called my cousin once the police had left, she said that she'd try and get him on the phone then she'd call me back. I was told by her that something had gone on forgot about my child but he sent someone back to go and look for him.

All my cousin was concerned about is whether or not my son had said anything to the police i.e given them his name, then I got a phone call from him saying he is sorry about what happened and that he will come and take my son to go get a bike tomorrow, I hung up and called my cousin

I was very disrespectful to the both of then (with my words) I have had an argument with my cousin and then I called him and did the same to him.

My son is my only child, we have tried for years to conceive again but it just won't happen so we have accepted it. I can not even tell my husband about that has happened because I don't know what he will do to my cousins boyfriend.

I have had a few phone calls from family members and close friends, saying that I have taken things too far and that my cousin and I are too close for this to ruin our relationship.

I am also worried that social services might get involved, I have worked close with social services and they could put this down to neglect.

My son seems ok now, but I feel like I failed him yesterday, like I said above he is not used to things like this.

Sorry for my bad grammar or any mistakes, I didn't proof read before pressing send.

You didn’t. Was he completely alone? Did all of them abandon him?

How do you know that, if you dont know what was happening instead?

I have just been there, I’m back home now. I would usually go on Facebook and rant about this, but I am not going to, I already have.

I went there calmly and polite, I just wanted to know what had happened, just to get answers to bring me closure.

He opened the door made a “hmm” sound and went upstairs, I apologised to my cousin for what I said, she said that she was very hurt and we are so close that we shouldn’t be arguing, I said I wasn’t happy at the fact that she showed no sympathy towards my son.

Then he appearing raising his voice, he told the girls to go upstairs, then said I don’t like the way you spoke to me and my girl and the same I have no manners and respect and if I wasn’t family…. I told him I don’t care and I’m not afraid of him, which I’m not, others might be but I’m not. I said I want to know what happened, he said who am I for him to explain himself to, and I already know he doesn’t take any disrespect from anymore. I said that I just want to know, then he went on about how he could have lost his life and he forgot that he had my son with him, and that I know that he would never put my son in danger or bring him around danger and how he loves him like a nephew and son, then he went on to say how I have been putting his business on social media and to come out of his house, I never put his business on social media, yes I wrote something on Facebook, I didn’t mention anyones names or what exactly happened.

Then he started shouting get out or I will put you out, I looked to my cousin, she looked away and didn’t defend me in anyway.

She texted me saying that I shouldn’t have went there being rude, I wasn’t rude to him.

I don’t know what I am going to do next, I am not going to send my husband there because he’ll beat him up, then they’ll be consequences towards my husband.

So he was in fear of his life….in the perfectly safe house you have been insisting is the only place he’d take your son.

And you still reckon he would never have done anything dangerous with your child?

Or are you finally starting to see?

So the man who said he'd never put your son in danger also said he feared for his life and forgot about your son. Have you now realised that your son was in danger? I feel sorry for your son. In my opinion, you have had a hands off approach towards parenting by letting someone you knew was a criminal take him out without knowing where they were going. The fact that he's 'family' is not an excuse. You knew he was a criminal. Your son has been exposed to violence he should have been protected from. Have you told your husband this update? Was he ok with your son's trips out to unknown places with this man? Did neither of you ever question them on where they went or what they did?

What you do, OP, is to go to the police, get as much information as you can about the situation, from them. Based on that information, and how much danger your son may have been in, give the name of your cousin's criminal, abusive boyfriend to them.

So you had that whole conversation with him but you are still none the wiser as to what he was doing there and why someone clearly wanted to do his serious harm.

Okay then. And we are to believe that you are not from a culture where women are expected to shut up, ask no questions and tow the line to men. After all he has done, his only concern is that you have been rude and disrepected him for being angry about what happened to your son, and you should be apologising to him? Wow.

I am not telling my husband about it, like I said my husband will beat him up no questions asked.

I feel like such a fool for letting my son around him, I never thought he’d turn on me and be so rude.

Well he's shown you who he is, and your cousin has shown you where her loyalties are.

Well done though. But I'd seriously think about talking to the police.

Ok, you did try in fairness and you’re getting nowhere down that route, so I apologise for all the times I said ring him/go round. He actually sounds unhinged- regardless if you don’t feel scared he was threatening towards you and I would have felt scared.

He feared for his life and had to run - that has got to tell you everything you need to know, something serious was going on in that house and he exposed your son to it.
He didn’t ‘forget’ your son let’s be honest, he saved himself and left your son on purpose.

As of now stop defending this man n open your eyes to the possibilities of what has actually been going on.

Hes being defensive towards you because he knows he did wrong so he’s trying to reflect it back to you for being disrespectful to avoid the real problem.

Dont send your husband round, the cousins boyfriend may know people and it could cause a lot of problems.
Is that why you’ve not wanted to contact the police incase he got others involved?

If you can’t go to the police, get as far away from these people as you can.

Rude?!? Rudeness?!?

That’s what you’re worried about?

Rudeness is the least of your worries.

If he was in fear for his life, your SON’S life was in danger.

This is all a load of rubbish.
If this is even remotely true. Then why when you new he was a criminal did you let him look after your son so much?
Did you want him to teach your son how to be one when he is older?
Did you just not want to pay for childcare?
Do you not really care so long as he was out of the house or not costing you anything??
I dont understand how you got to this situation at all.
Again I think social services should have been contacted by the police

Contact the police and say what exactly? I am not willing to give him up to the police, I don’t know what he’ll do.

I went there looking for closure, I’m never going to get it now, the main thing is that my son is ok.

Aah, Liverpool.

I never ever once left my son in sole care of him, and this is not about wanting someone to look after my son.

My cousin and I used to be VERY close, and I thought that her boyfriend was ok up until this week, I have never ever seen him like this before, he usually doesn’t really say much but we do have conversations, there was never any reason NOT to trust him with my child.

No, I actually live in London.

Oh my gosh OP, I’m honestly out of answers for you you just don’t listen at all.

In regards to the police you say something along the lines of
“Hi, you brought my son home the other day when you got called to a disturbance and found him in a wardrobe, can you please give me more information as to what happened?”

Im not suggesting you ‘grass’ the cousins boyfriend up you don’t even have to mention his name if I your not comfortable.

I give up, your as dismissive towards your son as the cousins boyfriend is.
You only seem bothered about the fact he’s being rude to you aswell, not about your son.

But oh yeah your sons ‘ok’ .

So odd

Yes, there's a very simple reason that this is "odd", but not many posters are getting it 🤷🏻

The officers already told me what happened…

You HAVE left your son in his sole care. Literally your first post says ‘he would call for him and take him out for the day’.

You won’t get the closure you seek because he is hiding something. Something you know is serious as he was concerned for his life.

All you can do now is keep the talk open with your boy if he wants to share, which you’re doing. And for god’s sake be honest with the police if they come back, and with SS if they follow up. This man is not worth your protection.

Oh ffs now she knows what happened 🙈

Never mind, OP only has a few more pages before the thread closes and she doesn’t need to make it up spin it out any more.

You have conversations…just not about his job or where he takes your son.

Spot on.

Hang on. Originally you told us that your son spent whole days with cousins boyfriend every week, that cousin and her girls weren’t with them, that it was just he and your son, that son would just hang out with him, accompanying him wherever he went. You said it was because he liked your son’s company. You said he would just pick him up in the morning and off they’d go for the day together.

For pages and pages of this thread people were objecting to this, telling you it wasn’t normal and that he was probably using him to carry drugs.

NOW you suddenly say he was never in cousin’s boyfriend’s sole care???

It is bloody impossible to help someone who changes her story every time she feels defensive.

Nope, you made it very clear that they didn’t, and that you hadn’t asked. You said you just took your son from them, refused to tell them who he was with and that was the end of it. When people suggested to call them to find out what had happened you said you didn’t want to know.