To think a 17yo going to London (and staying overnight) is a bit odd?

[CVVFan]

Our eldest is doing that this week. Going completely on his own. We think he’s meeting someone but we haven’t asked. He claims it’s just for the “giggles” and explore beyond our sleepy town.

Why haven't you asked him if he's meeting someone?

I used to get into clubs and stay in London all night when I was younger than him and I never came to any harm.

I mean he's probably got a date...or (sorry but) planning on finding a hooker. Probably best to have a safe sex chat. And one about the morality of buying women's bodies. Maybe it's a leap but...it's just, if it was for something normal he'd probably tell you.

But I don't think it's odd to go to London for a night either TBF but surely he'd go for a weekend if just seeing the sites was the plan. One night implies something is on.

Edit: unless he plans to sneak into a club and thinks you wouldn't be cool with that.

He doesn't want to tell you he's gay and meeting a man.

He doesn't want to tell you he's gay and meeting a man.

Meeting someone for sure!

He’s in fact gay and we do know about it and even talk about his future wedding

“Just for the giggles” . . . Is that something that men say?

Good God, is that really your first thought on what they are up to?

Haha. You can ask, the quality of the answer depends in how good he is at lying.

I think he's almost certainly meeting someone and IME the harder you try to get him to tell you, the longer it will be before he does.

By 17, you need to be confident that you've done the work on making sire he's able to keep himself safe, I.e. it's a girl he knows irl and he'd got condoms, rather than a stranger from the Internet.

If you done trust him on that, you need to stop him going, which at 17 you can, for a little while yet. It shouldn't be necessary though.

A teen these days, absolutely. Incel stuff is rife. Lots of young guys porn obsessed. Maybe socially awkward and go to the big city in the hopes of losing their v plates. It's nothing new TBF.

A 'hooker'?
Seeing as it has since transpired that he is gay ...
Would you like to alter that to 'rent boy'?
Having said that - Congratulations ...
You win The Least Empathetic Comment on Mumsnet Award.

If your first thought about someone going up to london by themselves is that they are meeting a hooker then, frankly, WTF is wrong with you.

It could be - and I'm aware that this is a stretch - that he is just going up to london to have a look around as plenty of people do.

Hmmm it’s a no from me unless they went with a friend. I’d be really concerned they were meeting someone who they’ve ‘met’ online. I have dcs that age and consider myself a very relaxed parent but I wouldn’t be happy with that.

Back in the late 1970s it wasn't unusual for people that age to have to stay overnight when being interviewed for university. Not sure how you would prevent it.

Maybe he is just very confident and independent!

I was a very independent 17 year old, and that is the sort of thing I would have done! Even now, I prefer exploring new places on my own (and the dog).

Yes there's absolutely nothing that London could conceivably offer a teenager from the sticks except hookers. No exciting culture, music, art, fashion, food, sights, buzz at all. Just hookers!

17-year-olds are also very well known for having enough money to afford sex workers...

I went to London by myself when I was 17 (and my parents, who were fairly strict and controlling generally, didn't bat an eyelash). I went to the Tate Modern and then a PJ Harvey gig. Brilliant day.

The fact that it is one night makes me wonder is he meeting up with someone. Then again given the prices of places to stay in London this time of year he maybe only afford one night.

I'd hope he had actually organised somewhere to stay - I wouldn't want a 17 yo wandering round London all night. But many hotels won't take under 18s.
If he thinks he can go clubbing, he better be warned that he will be IDd everywhere, and London bouncers can spot fake ID a mike away...

He might just be going to a gay club and possibly hoping to hook up with someone? Or maybe nothing like that at all.

I'd ask him if he was my 17 year old. (I do have a 17 year old but he has a girlfriend so goes places with her generally rather than alone). My daughters didn't do anything like this when they were 17.

No clubbing (or at least don’t think so) and yes he was able to find a hotel that would take him. He’s there for only 24hrs with no real agenda

I think women's bodies will be perfectly safe around him.

I ask my son who he’s meeting when he goes out and he’s twenty! Not in an accusatory way, more just a Are you meeting your old school mates or your gf, kind of way. It’s normal in our family to be open about where you’re going and who with though.

to meet someone specific or to hook up once there may be the aim, do remind him not just about safe sex but to message a trusted family member or friend where he is to ensure you know he’s safe - when I was dating a guy friend suggested this from his grinder days, he didn’t open the emails I sent but it meant if I didn’t turn up home at the planned time my adult dcs knew they could contact him as a starting point, like a back stop

I find it more odd that you don’t know any more details.

why aren’t you asking if he’s meeting g someone? Do you know where he’s staying?

yes he’s almost a legal adult and he could say he’s not telling you or lie anyway but surely he’s u destined your concern about wanting to know his plans.

most likely he is meeting somone but what if they’re someone he’s met online and turn out not to be who he thinks they are etc etc.

i think you need to be sitting him down and chatting g things through. Just because he’s a boy and gay doesn’t mean he’s not at risk or doesn’t need reminding about safe sex. If anything you could argue he needs it more. Especially if he finds himself in a scenario he’s unhappy with.

I left home at 17 and I am from a place where even sticks dont grow, he will be fine.

Hopefully he's off to have some adventures, a bit of good food and a lovely night out at Ku.