To think a 17yo going to London (and staying overnight) is a bit odd?

[CVVFan]

Our eldest is doing that this week. Going completely on his own. We think he’s meeting someone but we haven’t asked. He claims it’s just for the “giggles” and explore beyond our sleepy town.

Oh of course he’s meeting someone, or hoping to (possible a Grindr hookup) - don’t be so naive! I hope you have had many a talk about safe sex and consent, and if he feels uncomfortable with whoever he’s with, for whatever reason, that he is not obliged to go through with anything. His safety is far more important than debating the morals of ONSs.

I once went to London on my own and I got a hooker. Unfortunately it’s almost an inevitability.

I am sure he'll probably be fine but I would be concerned that he has arranged to meet someone he has met online and he might get himself into a tricky situation. I would try and have a more detailed chat with him and explain that unfortunately there have been cases of people being 'lured' into quite dangerous situations and ask him if he can at least make sure someone knows where he is. Perhaps a friend he could share his location with if he doesn't want to share it with you?

I think you’re being naive and have a duty to find out more about what your son is planning. Especially if this is out of character for him

My 15 yr old travelled to London from Dorset a few weeks ago, met a friend there but also moved around a little solo. By 17 overnight wouldn’t stress me

I have a younger gay teen and I’d think they were either meeting someone or just wanting to hang out in a gay space to see what it is like.
Or maybe both.

I went to Paris on my own at 17, got a last minute £1 mega bus and rented a room in a hostel. My friends couldn’t get the time off work at short notice.Had a great time exploring and would do it again now!

I used to want to stay over so I didn’t use to have to rush & catch the last train home while so I don’t think that’s odd. But I would ask who he’s meeting though, I suppose he could lie about it. Nothing to stop a check in text though when he is there!

@DiscoBob I’d be against it primarily because of risks of predatory, violent men. Also things like DC (eg if using fake ID to get into bars/club) having an accident or being the victim of an unpleasant, lesser crime like a mugging.

Better to have embarrassing conversations or saying no to them going than any of that.

I didn’t mention marriage, so not sure which poster that part of your response was meant for.

The future wedding stuff? I didn’t tease him! Our 6yo just started asking everyone around the dinner table

He’s in fact gay and we do know about it and even talk about his future wedding.

If you can talk to a 17 year old about a hypothetical future wedding, you can talk to him about being safe and asking for a contact address of where he is staying.

There’s nothing odd about wanting to temporarily escape the confines of a sleepy town in favour of the bright lights of London.

He’s probably going for an adventure and to lose his virginity.. guess he’ll have a good time!

Not out experience unfortunately as our 17 year discovered! Daft really because they're practically adults.

I was living in a bedsit at 17 and my parents were 400 miles away. But, the internet didn't exist then and it is so much easier now for young people to fall into the wrong hands. I'd have a chat with him about safe sex etc but I'm sure you've already done that.

Ok, fair enough. But you did mention it so I picked up on it.

Sorry, I was addressing that about the wedding to OP. You're not wrong in worrying about those things. I guess I grew up in London and moved out with my bf at 16 to a different town. So I don't feel like that it's too big a risk. But everyone knows their own kids best.

Well I am the parent of a 21 and a 25 year old so I did enforce that type of thing.
I think all the people who are saying 17 is an adult and he can do whatever he likes have either not been the parent of a 17 year old or have been a neglectful one or were one so long ago that things have changed unrecognisably since.

17 / 18/ 19 is a weird age. They are learning about the adult world and how to handle things.

Going off to stay in London overnight alone - not in a group of friends- is risky- especially if there is a chance he's meeting someone he's met online.

He's definitely going to meet someone.

Well i think it shows good independence really. I used to go for little visits to all the cities on my own. Why not??

Of course it fucking isn't. Don't be absurd.

This would alarm me from the point of view that there's a log of older predatory makes out there.

I sat our DS (gay) down and gave him a good talking too when he suggested something similar at that age. Turned out he was going with a lad he fancied and had met in sixth form.

So very reassured.

Going to London at 17 without any friends and without a plan is a bit unusual. My teenagers are independent and live in London, so obviously they spend a lot of time out and about (with friends and by themselves) but they chat to me about their plans and and boring things about logistics such as opening times and best bus/tube/walking routes etc.

I would be a bit worried that he wasn’t talking to you about this stuff. What is the location of his hotel? That might give you a bit of an idea about his plans. Unless it is completely in character for him to head off on solo visits to various places around the UK, I would be concerned that he was meeting someone who he had met online.

I went to London in 1968 at 17 after moving to Dorset to work with a friend at 16. I loved it but there were a few hairy moments over the months as I was alone - my friend moved back home. All I can say is ensure he has enough money for a hotel and do not just go to stay with someone who offers without letting you or a friend at home know exactly where he is going. I am not over reacting as I know there are strange/evil/perverse men everywhere but there a lot more in London. Can't he book a hotel from here on internet. I do that all the time now if I want to viisit/shop/lay some ghosts as I am almost 57 years older than when I first went. This post has nudged me to go visit an ex colleague/friend who moved there in 2019 and I've been promising to visit. I hope your son has a great time.

Why? What would you do if he went without permission?