To think a 17yo going to London (and staying overnight) is a bit odd?

[CVVFan]

Our eldest is doing that this week. Going completely on his own. We think he’s meeting someone but we haven’t asked. He claims it’s just for the “giggles” and explore beyond our sleepy town.

Look I’m not prude or anything. I was travelling the world on my own at that age (I even stayed at B&B) on my own.

years later I did meet someone I met online and went with him to his house in Dublin for an Irish holiday. Nothing bad happened and he was super nice, but I also know I got lucky.

Definitely hooking up

It’s definitely semi out of character though and completely unplanned-out of nowhere

As PPs say he’s unlikely to have been able to book a hotel room at 17, so either he’s lied or is meeting someone older.

Quoting myself, here 😆

Just realised he's 17.

That's a bit young to be going alone, I think.

When he's 18 it's his choice, but at 17 it's yours. Some 17 year olds aren't awfully street savvy and you do need to have your wits about you a bit.

I'd be pushing for a lot more details and having a frank conversation about the dangers of traveling to meet a stranger alone (if that is in fact the case).

If he's not mature enough to have that conversation, understand your concerns and be able to appease them, he's not mature enough to go on the trip, IMO.

Apparently a friend has been able to stay there. He mentioned he emailed them and asked if he’d be allowed to to check and apparently they said it would be fine

If he hasn't been before I bet it will be very exciting. He can work out how to use the Tube on his own and be amazed by all the people rushing about.
I expect he's going to walk down Old Compton Street and around and see what it's like. If you are seeing it through 17 year olds eyes for the first time it will be incredible I should think. So many other gay men all in one place! Shops with raunchy underwear in the window.
Then go to a club in the evening.

I think he sounds very adventurous - good for him!

I was thinking about this. I am not sure you have to prove your age when booking - how would they know how old you are? Most premier inns are self check in now. The last one I went to I barely saw a member of staff until breakfast time the next day.

Not the point of the thread but why are you talking about his wedding at 18 when he’s not even engaged?

When I was 17, I went to London from Cumbria (but came back that same night) to meet a group of teenagers/young adults I'd met on a pro ana internet forum. It was a very unwise trip with lots of unsafe decision making that led on to further unwise friendships and risky behaviour. I told my parents I wanted to go to the Imperial War museum because it would help with my coursework. I was usually quite trustworthy so I think they believed me but I'm surprised they didn't think it was more weird than that.

Hopefully your son is just going on a coffee date but I'd want to know more if possible.

Then ask for the name of the hotel and call them yourself.

If he's lying because he's meeting someone older then that's another conversation to be had, because things could get very real for him very quickly if that person isn't a nice one.

Better for all involved if he's honest, gives you details of where he's staying and agrees to call you at set times.

These are the things that put predators off.

Always go better safe than sorry.

And if he pulls the 'you don't understand' card, YOU DO! Nobody knows the risks of predators better than women.

the only thing id be worried abo0ut is the hotel which one ha he booked most dont let 17 year olds so i woujld check it out first

Because he already knows what type of weeding he wants, the venue, the flowers, the food, etc!

So you don’t even know the name of the place and are going to believe this very convincing story?????

This is the most worrying bit for me.

DS sounds naive and a bit of a romantic.

Gay men are still men.

Young gay men need to protect themselves from those who would take advantage, in the same way girls do.

I live in London so this isn't that odd to me, but I can see why people think he may be hitting the bars/clubs. However, unless he has fake ID he won't get in anywhere, they are really strict. My DCs are young adults and take their ID everywhere (although son looks about 25!).

That story about having emailed the hotel sounds like bullshit! Bet if you ask to see the email or to have the name of the hotel to phone them the story will crumble. He’s lied about his age to book the room and hoping they don’t ask for ID or meeting someone.

similarly, he’s likely hoping not to be IDd in bars and clubs.

I don't think it's odd. Perhaps he just wants to go and have a wander around some tourist places. Perhaps there's a particular event/place he wants to go to. Perhaps he's meeting someone (either as a friend or as a date) - and at 17 either is fine IMO.

I think the important thing is to make sure you have a general safety chat with him, if you're from a small town. That includes him understanding that he needs to be careful with his phone in public, writing down a couple of phone numbers in case his phone does get pinched/lost, him knowing not to go to a random person's home and to only meet people in public places, understanding how the Tube and buses work, letting you know where he's staying, and making sure he has money and tickets and the like, not drinking to excess, not taking drugs etc.

He might not want to tell you exactly why he's going as he's embarrassed - even if it's nothing to be embarrassed about. And look, at 17, he's in a position where he might well be moving out to go to uni in the next year or so. Indeed, in Scotland, lots of 17 year olds do head off independently after their Highers. I'd be happy to give him that independence - but just make sure you really really hit home about his personal safety and that if he gets in a pickle he's got a back-up plan.

I used to go to the theatre on my own at that age, DS does same but usually for movies. We live near enough to get back, but once or twice he's needed to stay over and booked a Premier Inn

good luck enforcing that!

I'm sorry, OP - and this may well be very alarmist - but my mind went immediately to Breck Bednar.

My friends gay son used to do this at that age, usually meeting up with someone, and a much bigger gay scene than the sleepy village they lived in. He didn’t actually tell his parents what he was up to until years later though.

Eldest DS is gay. I do not think there is anything wrong with a 17 year old wanted to experience the nighttime gay scene in a big city. I think I would be clear with him on that. However, I would want to know more about who he was going with and how he was going to keep himself safe.

At 17 I was more than capable of this. I think it’s fine if he’s mature and independent.