To think a 17yo going to London (and staying overnight) is a bit odd?

[CVVFan]

Our eldest is doing that this week. Going completely on his own. We think he’s meeting someone but we haven’t asked. He claims it’s just for the “giggles” and explore beyond our sleepy town.

My friends son is gay , he sometimes stays at hers a few days then goes home via Manchester to spend the night in the gay quarter .
He is considerably older than 17 ( 30s ) so obviously fair play to him .
Your son at 17 is still not classed as an adult and I assume still living at yours , just say no until he is 18 .

What is odd is he is not sharing basic info of where in London he is going, where he plans to spend the night, contact info in case his phone doesn’t work, and what train he is taking back.

It’s just smart for safety to share basic info. Like the guy they just rescued on a solo hike in Norway. He would have died if he had not missed his flight home causing his wife to call the police for search and rescue.

I would think he is expecting to get into a club (perhaps with an older friend) that continues into the early hours so he is not actually looking to book into a hotel.

Or could he get into a hostel (YMCA) at 17? How strict are they?
I recall DS going on a lads' holiday at 17, nearly 18, to Greece. I am still hearing about all the shenanigans over 10 years later. Mopeds, injuries, altercations, A&E, fishbowls, girls. Nothing too serious, though...

Ok so you do know he's gay but he doesn't want you to know he's going to some gay club. At seventeen I think he's too young for this. If it's a date with someone he hasn't yet met, how does he know he's going to be safe? If it's a gay club he could be spiked, drugged, raped or anything. He could be being set up by a man who is going to lure him somewhere and attack him.

He's as vulnerable here as any 17 year old girl going off to meet a man or a group of men she doesn't yet know. Absolutely no-one would think that's a good idea, so it's really no different just because he's a boy. He's inexperienced, unworldly and vulnerable. If he hasn't arranged to meet anyone specific then you know he's going to be hanging around gay haunts in the hope of meeting someone. But it might not be someone safe or nice. Especially if they are much older.

You need to have a frank discussion with him about what his plans are, whether he is meeting anyone in particular and how to keep safe and make sure people are who they say they are. I'd still not sleep a wink all night if I were you. I think I'd say no, not until you are 18. Then I can't stop you.

It is unusual to do this on his own and not reveal anything about where he's going, I would guess he's going to meet someone that he's talked to online and doesn't want to tell you.

I think I just saw something sail above your head….

I'd want to have a serious talk with him about the possibility of men who seem nice but are predatory. As others have said, make sure he is aware of various risks including older men who may delight in the fact he is so young and 'sweet' . He needs to know the reality that some men can turn nasty, about chemsex, about consent for various activities not just a blanket 'yes I fancy you'. I hope he meets a lovely person and has a great night but he really should be aware of the dangers of cities in general and gay men in particular. If he feels that is too awkward to discuss then he shouldn't be going. NAGMALT.

Get the info. A male friend was raped under not dissimilar circumstances and has never really got over it.

If he’s going with a lad from home, great. If he’s going with an older man from home, at least you can talk about it.

If he’s going to meet someone he’s found on the internet, or hoping to go out and perhaps meet someone new, then talk it through with him carefully, and get a level-headed gay male family friend to talk to him too (maybe without you present).

Not everyone is as disgusting to think you can't go to London without paying for a sex worker.

It's also not something to be proud of 🙄

Does he have interests his friends don't share? I used to do stuff on my own from mid teens because none of my mates were interested and it was go solo or miss out. I still do a fair bit to be honest.

For me, that would be a flat no. Too far away in case anything goes wrong. I have a 17 year old who wanders round all over the place, including London, with friends. I have family who live in London who could go and get him if it went wrong, he is used to London and I could get there in 2 hours. Id still be a bit on edge. Especially as the hotel is apparently the type of place that would allow an unaccompanied 17year old, its out of character and sudden, hes not used to London and hes going on his own probably to meet someone possibly an older man who's probably booked the hotel who they haven't met before IRL.

If he’s gay, my guess is yes he’s almost certainly hitting up some sort of party/bar/club/something.

But I don’t think it’s that weird. I grew up in the US, flew from NY to CA alone at 16 and stayed in a hotel for 4 days by myself. One of those days I did visit a university, but otherwise I just hung out, went to restaurants, botanical garden, a museum, book shops, farmers market. I had a lovely time.

Haven’t read the whole thing but what hotel as he booked as I know travelodge ask for ID and wouldn’t allow my 17 year old brother and his girlfriend to stay as they weren’t 18

Last time I was there was about 12 years ago and it seems still full of predatory gay men. I was not worried about myself like I was sometimes when I lived there in 60's and 70s and then again for 6 months in 1983. I have also visted sometimes twice yearly for a couple of weeks until 12 years ago. I was just aware of being a young girl in a big anonymous city. I am now just aware of pickpockets and people running about/riding bikes, stealing phones and bags.
I do worry about my friend who moved there for a job in 2019. The job is in Lewisham and I am aware it is not one of the better areas and I worry because she is only very small in stature and Romamian though she can speak English just not as well as an English person. I am planning on going for a few weeks so will have to get a amove on and get it sorted. I am alwwys telling her to be careful as I also worry she may get involved in m arches - I mean just by walking in the same areas and so I worry about Terrorism for her. As for your son, I do notice the amount of men hanging around the main train stations and in certain areas e.g.Piccadily/Soho/Earls Court and some other places where I used live, and they are nearly always talking to young men rather than women. He just needs to keep his wits about him and my Motto is Trust No-one - sorry but it is. I hope he enjoys his trip.

I think your DS is probably a bit naive, and you are definitely being a bit naive.
I live in South London and have young adults. They have been going to central London since late teens, but wouldn't have been allowed to go on their own at night, and at 17 I would definitely have needed to know exactly where they were staying if that were the case. They have grown up here and are pretty street wise.

I really think you need to get more details from your DS. It does sound as though he could be making himself very vulnerable. He doesn't sound at all streetwise - has he been to London before?

I’d be very worried about this. You need to ask a lot of questions.

Quick update!

He’s made it to London, hotel refused to check him in, he’ll stay with a friend of mine.

He claims he just wants to be a “tourist”.

Blimey! At least hes staying with a friend of yours!

Have you heard from your friend?

So many of us said hotels wouldn't take under 18s. I don't think I'd believe the rest of his story.

Yes, I arranged everything for him! They’ve already met and she says he’s lovely

You're a good mum!
Mine stayed in a youth hostel that accepted over 16s to avoid the age limit.

Yeah. It's weird. Some people do a lot of projecting on these threads.

Thank you! I’m technically his stepmum, but there’s no difference to me

Well he would not need to go to London just to meet someone for sex, he could do that in the next tow if that was his sole motive. I think he does just want to have a look at the nightlife/way of life of somewhere a bit more exciting. I don't blame Mum for worrying - I would, but maybe that is because I have lived there when very young and you do hear some horror stories these days in all sorts of areas, and as London is so big and anonymous, it could seem a bit more scary. It seems he is happy where he is staying and Mum's friend may be able to show him some of the sights if he is interested. Hope he has a great time.