To not help my friend- passport fraud

[Ravenblue]

My friend and me are quite close. Two years ago she wanted a new baby and found a sperm donor on a website. This bloke got her pregnant but then he wanted access. She didn't want him to but the courts gave him access and now he has the kid a couple of times a month. My friend is now married and she changed her kids name to her new husbands name. The father has found out and is now going back to the courts. She also got a passport in the new name and the father nows this. The father is now going to the police as he says its passport fraud. I dont believe him as she has the right to change her childs name but it says not in the court order. Its like she cant do anything without his permission. Its not fair on her.
She wants my help in trying to get her out of this but I dont know how and also I don't think shes in the wrong.

AIBU?

If birth father not named on birth certificate, she may well be entitled to change the child's name, obtain birth certificate in new name and use that to get a passport in new name. Where I live, this would be totally fine

ETA, just spotted bio father is now on birth certificate

Sounds like an exhausting friend. Stay out of it and keep her very much at arms length.

Unfortunately this really.

I'd be focussing on her getting out of this marriage first. She's been married 5 minutes & he's treating her badly.

the rest can wait until she's sorted that.

PS - I do think that it's better for the children to know as much as possible about where they came from. This is why I chose an open ID donor for mine (they can find out the donor's identity when they turn 18). I'd encourage your friend to try and see the bright side of things. Plus if the dad is loaded this may open doors for the child in the future - not just in terms of money but also connections, help finding a good job, etc.

And then fade out of the friendship as it's not working for you.

Thank you. When we first met she had lot's of story's about how she was on her own and how her best friend betrayed her. I babysat when she went out on dates. The husband is overbearing and this is why i feel she's getting pressed into changing the name. I'm a bit nervous incase she drags me into things. She eventually told me that the reason her and her best friend don't speak is because the friend and her messaged the dad to tell him that my friend and her kid had been killed in a car accident. They thought they'd get rid of him that way. She eneded up with a caution as did the friend. The friend got angry and cut her off. I was gobsmacked but she always makes herself to be the victim. I don't know what to believe but its draining.

If you carried on contact with her after this then I don't know what to tell you, you deserve all the stress you get.

She got her friend to tell him that his child HAD BEEN KILLED!!?! And then tried to pass it off as a "joke"?

She's a disaster area. An on-going car crash. A nightmare. Keep well away otherwise you'll find yourself embroiled in her chaos and drama and it won't do you any favours.

Shes not been a great friend, she's used me before and always asking for money. I'm often left not knowing what to believe. I'm just going to not respond. My husband has complained that she just brings drama.

Why on earth do you still speak to her? She’s disgusting and you would be well rid.

Believe nothing.

your husband is right that she just brings drama.

I just hope the dad gets full custody eventually and this child gets raised in a stable home with stable adults in their life.

She's a monster. You need to back away from this friendship. I hope for the sake of that kid her dad's going for primary custody.

Do you think a man posting on a webite to find random women to get pregnant is likely to be particularly decent? Anyway, I'll take comfort in his likely fictional status myself.

This must be the most disgraceful thing I’ve ever read on Mumsnet. Your friend has zero moral standards and it sounds like the child would be better off with daddy for rent than with this manipulative cretin.

Parental abandonment and alienation is very serious. She is harming her child by doing this, and harming her relationship with both parents. Her daughter won't be happy to hear she kept her dad away when she's older, as he will certainly tell her about what happened.

The lying is very serious and abnormal. Sometimes lying is normalized on these boards but it's not a normal thing. I would tell her to think about long term consequences of her behavior. She should think twice about lying in court.

Your friend has a personality disorder if this is real.

Your “friend” sounds (a) fairly stupid (getting a friend to text the dad that she and the kid had died and expecting him to just believe that?!) and (b) dangerously unhinged if she thinks she can just have sex with a man to get pregnant and then deny him any contact with the child.

Once she understands that she can’t do that, she will probably then start making wild accusations of physical or sexual abuse by him. I feel sorry for the guy. If this were my “friend” I would tell them what’s what and have no more to do with her if she carries on in this vein.

You need to switch your feeling bad for her to feeling bad for the kid.

She throws away everything the child's Dad gives them?! Can you imagine how damaging that is to the child?!!

The more you say, the more problematic your friend sounds.

I don't see what you could do other than find her a solicitor.

Fuck me! After your last updates, she doesn't deserve to have kids. She better hope that she doesn't end up in court again because with all her behaviour, if the actual father brings it up, I'd say he's quite likely to be awarded custody. Shes committed quite a lot of crimes involving the child in her two years knowing him!

As said...

Move away from this friendship.
This person deliberately bought a child into this world, IMO in an appalling way via shagging someone she met off the Internet all because she wanted a new baby....a baby is a living being, this all sounds terrible.

She'll soon find another person to cling on to and continue her sad little vendetta against her DC's father.
If there's any truth in this senario he'll go back to court for, at the very least 50/50 custody.

How could she manage to get him a passport in a different name from that on the birth certificate without change of name details?

So I think legally the kid with be Childsname Mumsmaidenname. If the sperm doner is on the birth certificate neither could change the name without the others consent. But you can give then a known as name for things like school

She’s a selfish creature and you need to step away from the mess that is her own doing.

Sorry I haven’t read the full thread but if the father’s name is on the birth certificate she can’t change the child’s name without his consent. If his name is not on the birth certificate but he’s paying maintenance and has shared parental rights (ie his maintenance is calculated including the nights he has her) then once again she needs his consent. If she didn’t have it she needed to have lied to the deed poll company to say she doesn’t know where he is, or worse, faked his signature. In both cases she’s in the wrong and he’s right to report her unfortunately. The passport is issued on the basis of the deed poll plus oficial confirmation from school or gp that the name has changed- so in theory it’s not passport fraud but the deed poll might have been obtained illegally.

fraudulently!

I only found out about the car crash a few weeks ago, she was drunk and going on about how she feels betrayed by people around her. I felt really sick when I heard about it. I get that she wants to play happy familys with her husband but its gone too far. I didnt have anything to do with the passport or the name change but Im worried now that she's put my name down and faked a signature. I've had bad relationships in the passed but id never go to these lengths. Id sympathise more if he had been abusive but it just sounds like she wanted him and he didn't want her. I'm just going to steer clear.