To not help my friend- passport fraud

[Ravenblue]

My friend and me are quite close. Two years ago she wanted a new baby and found a sperm donor on a website. This bloke got her pregnant but then he wanted access. She didn't want him to but the courts gave him access and now he has the kid a couple of times a month. My friend is now married and she changed her kids name to her new husbands name. The father has found out and is now going back to the courts. She also got a passport in the new name and the father nows this. The father is now going to the police as he says its passport fraud. I dont believe him as she has the right to change her childs name but it says not in the court order. Its like she cant do anything without his permission. Its not fair on her.
She wants my help in trying to get her out of this but I dont know how and also I don't think shes in the wrong.

AIBU?

OP said they still slept together after she got pregnant - that would muddy the waters because it wasn’t just having sex until she got pregnant so they both crossed a line there which complicated things. She even wanted a relationship so it seems the situation wasn’t as simple as just being sperm donor and they both let their emotions become too involved in different ways.

After your last update I’m hoping the father applies for more contact as well as the change of name. While being on “natural sperm donor” websites is sleazy as hell and doesn’t exactly mark him out as man of the year, it sounds like he might actually be a more stable influence for the child than she is.

Or at least go to a reputable clinic where things are done properly and legally.

yes – 100% go to a reputable clinic, do your research, speak with the Donor Conception Network, and ensure you understand how to parent a donor child.

@LBFseBrom Have you had to deal with infertility? Or looked into the ethics of donor conception in any meaningful way? If not, please keep your opinions about donor conception to yourself.

“Two years ago she wanted a new baby and found a sperm donor on a website.” WTAF? A baby is a human being and this sounds like someone who fancies a new handbag or pair of shoes. Did it never occur to her that this arrangement might have an emotional and psychological impact on her child going forward? She got herself into this ridiculous situation and I wouldn’t get involved. I wouldn’t even want to be friends with someone that selfish.

I would steer well clear she sounds like a nutcase a dangerous one at that

Not sure if you have ever seen a childs court order but it states that no one can change the chids name except the parents but you cant do it without the other parents authority.
What planet are you on saying it's not fair.
The child has a right to see his / her biological father and the father has the right to have authority over name changes.
The courts are in the best interests of the child not the best interests of the mother.

A father who takes his ex partner to court will be asked if he has parental responsibility if not they will make sure that is in place before court proceedings take place.
If the father is on the birth certificate he automatically has parental responsibility.

You are out of your depth.. be a friend and maybe offer a listening ear but as far as helping her out of her own mess you can't.
It's not your mess to sort out.
As you said dad is on the birth certificate he has parental responsibility and wants a relationship with his child which the court will agree to if he is no risk.
Your friend had no right to change said childs name she will be in deep trouble there are penalties for going against a child arrangement order.
Keep out of it .

I am staying out of it. Hearing everyone's reactions on here as made me realise just quite how messes up everything is. I thought it was just me. I know she wants another kid with the husband and I just don't know where it's going to stop. I'm out. I'm done wjth her and the craziness. I'm happy to be just another person that's she sees has betrayed her. I feel like I've been sucked in, ove given her advice, I've lent her money, babysat and listened to her go on about everyone when shes been drunk.

look up the grey rock technique. Grey rock her or cut her off. She is a dramatic troublesome nightmare. Imagine all the time you could have for yourself and your own kids and improving your own life or self care or anything other than dealing with someone elses self made drama. Move on from her and do yourself a favour. Do not waste time on whether she has forged your signature - if you are asked and you confirm that you did not sign it and she has forged it then she will be in trouble. Time to move on now

Well done for making that decision. You’re obviously a kind person but this so-called friend is just taking advantage. She sounds very damaged and I can sympathise with that, but the way she’s dealing with her trauma, whatever that may be, is by manipulating and using the people around her. You don’t need people like that in your life. I just hope her children don’t get too messed up.

Stay away from her.

She is dangerous.

Yes thats true.. l can photo shoot the letters l still have etc. Daughter is now 40 and it clearly says on the 28th of " month" 1985.. you gave birth to an illegitimate daughter of whom is the father.
Of whom you wish to change the surname
.
Under the act of .... etc etc etc..
( ill have to find the paperwork )... l have filed for said daughter that her surname be changed to of the wishes of her mother ( my name) who has sole responsibility etc etc.
He couldn't even tell me which school l should put her in... how to bring her up .. l could take her abroad without his permission etc etc..
The law has changed. 40 years is a long time.

• Before 2003:
• Unmarried fathers typically did not automatically have parental responsibility for their children. This meant they needed to take specific legal steps (like obtaining a court order or entering into a Parental Responsibility Agreement with the mother) to gain those rights.
• December 1, 2003:
• The law changed, and unmarried fathers who were named on the birth certificate after this date automatically gained parental responsibility.

My daughter is 40 born 1985. But l didn't get any maintenance either .
He couldn't tell me how to bring her up.
Which school she went to.
I took her abroad without having to get permission.
So who's the dumb one now?
Educate yourself on the history.

Parental Responsibility" Definition:
This includes the ability to make decisions about a child's upbringing, such as their education, healthcare, and where they live.

Correct, I assumed this was in the past 20 years. (Law actually changed in 2003, so the old law would not cover anyone who is currently a minor).