To not help my friend- passport fraud

[Ravenblue]

My friend and me are quite close. Two years ago she wanted a new baby and found a sperm donor on a website. This bloke got her pregnant but then he wanted access. She didn't want him to but the courts gave him access and now he has the kid a couple of times a month. My friend is now married and she changed her kids name to her new husbands name. The father has found out and is now going back to the courts. She also got a passport in the new name and the father nows this. The father is now going to the police as he says its passport fraud. I dont believe him as she has the right to change her childs name but it says not in the court order. Its like she cant do anything without his permission. Its not fair on her.
She wants my help in trying to get her out of this but I dont know how and also I don't think shes in the wrong.

AIBU?

It all sounds incredibly dodgy and she didn't follow a legal pathway so he is basically the other parent.

Weird post. Lots of inconsistencies - I'm guessing the kids are still off school??

Do not get involved.

She wanted you to sign a passport form where she knew she had lied. She is no friend. I would not want anything to do with her and this whole mess.

If the dad is on the birth certificate then he would have parental responsibility, even if they were never married (unless it’s been removed by the court) Tbh, I think your friend is acting very badly here. She’s got a man who wants to be there for their child and pays maintenance, yet she repays him by changing the child’s name and trying to withhold access 🙄 I think she’s just angry that this man never wanted to be in a relationship with her and their child is a constant reminder of that.

She used an unregulated website to find this man and this is the result 🤷‍♀️ No sympathy for your friend.

I suspect there is a lot more to this story than the OG has told us. Sperm
donors do NOT have legal right to access & for the mother to give the child the sperm donors name is impossible, she has no access to that information.
The child once turned 18 can apply for donor information if they wish to.
This was a one night stand or is entirely made up.
Assuming this is not a donor pregnancy & the mother has asked for help it’s probably to lie about something that’s not revealed here. Whatever the circumstances this mother is thinking only of herself and not her child, who has a right to a relationship with their father.
No good friend would put her pal in a position of breaking the law & a good friend would tell the mother of this child that she’s way out of line.

Very confusing, by my reckoning the child must have had three birth certicates in two years.
Depending in which order they were issued in, as long as she applied with the correct and current certificate at the time of obtaining the passport she has not commited any fraud, the passport would simply be void in light of a new certificate. If she knowingly applied for the passport using an old void birth certificate then yes she has been fraudulent and should be concerned. There's nothing you can practically do to get her out of this situation even if you wanted to. All you can do is be supportive while she navigates this, so I don't understand your concerns.

I will bite.

Noting OP said "new baby" not "a baby"...
I am awsuming there are more children in that shitshow and quite frankly, need safeguard. So move your support there by getting some professional involved and then step back away from her

The best thing you can do is point out that she has no choice but to co-parent with the father of her child.
She sounds incredibly selfish. Maybe it's lucky for the child the father does want to be involved. Hopefully he's a decent man.

Stay out of it.

Your friend is despicable - she did not use a sperm donor, she used someone on a hookup site to get pregnant. She does now not like the fact he has equal rights over the resulting child and wants him out of the picture. Doesn't work like that.

Didn't happen. Unofficial donor site but she had to have sex with him?? Then she had the baby, met someone, got married all in 2 years?? Come on - no one believes this surely??

The OP has said it was sex until conception and a bit after. This wasn't a donor sperms. It was random get me pregnant. But random now wants to see their child. And chikd might actually want to know who their dad is. Not unreasonable.

who countersigned the passport application?

A few relationships in between!? She was pregnant for 9 months! It’s only been 2 years! So in 15 months she’s had ‘a few’ other relationships, as well as met then got married to her husband! This is completely irresponsible and quite disgusting actually! Instead of focusing on her baby she’s been shacking up with multiple men! I hope to god this baby has someone looking out for them. Clearly it’s not the mother!

Sperm donors don’t have sex by the way OP. This is just sex. Donation is entirely different. It sounds very much like you’re the ‘friend’ fishing for excuses on MN tbh.

Stay out of it and remember, that child is his, too.

Your friend doesn't get to just write him out and find a replacement because he hasn't done what she wants.

She needs to prioritise what is best for her child, rather than herself.

Honestly, of the two of them, she sounds like the crappier parent, from what you've said.

From your posts :

He has a court order, he’s on the birth certificate he pays maintenance and sees his child. By definition he is the father. Your friend cannot just supplant him as her child’s father and make it her husband because she chooses to on a whim. A busy two years she seems to have had. The passport probably is fraudulent. You can be a listening ear and not much else. Don’t get involved

She doesn’t have the right to change his child’s name. My ex SIL tried that, my brother is quite passive and I think she thought he’d roll over. She had married a new man and had some other kids so thought they should all have the same name. He told her that it would be ‘over his dead body!’ She double barrelled them unofficially.

To be fair the issue is that she has made a child the old fashioned way, rather than using a licensed sperm donation clinic. If she had done that he would have no legal rights to the child and she wouldn’t have this problem.

Just be a friend and a shoulder to cry on.

The child can be known as any name -

How old are they?

Poor child.
I know you are friends, but if a friend of mine was trifling with their child's life like this I would be steering well clear.
I have no idea about unofficial sperm donor sites, that sounds very risky & quite frankly should be looked at.
Who knows who these men are? Turning up to have sex is essentially a dodgy tinder date with some random, who enjoys having sex without consequences (didn't work here) and the possibility of sharing STI's too 🤷🏻‍♀️ (or worse) FFS 😳🙄

Apparently. Been a busy time for her.

Have you read the thread at all? They met on an unregulated website and had PIV sex until she got pregnant. It wasn’t a sperm bank 🙄

What the heck is an "unofficial sperm donor website"?! If she was actually having sex with this "donor", then that's at least a FWB situation if not an actual relationship. I'd love to see the "contract" they signed as well, doubt it is worth the paper is it written on.

Are you asking whether you should sign her passport application and lie about the child’s name or circumstances? If that’s your question, the answer is no, don’t do this. It you lie on the passport from, you’ll get yourself in trouble, regardless of what you ‘think’ is right.

She sounds awful.