To feel inconvenienced by a tragic accident?

[OnemargarIta]

I'm currently in Italy (staying in Rome) for three nights. It's my first foreign break in a warm country and I've been so excited and saved up especially.

We booked an excursion for today consisting of a trip to Sorrento where we'd spend time exploring, visiting shops and enjoying local food - and then on to Pompeii on the route back.

We've spent the whole morning/day so far stuck in traffic on the motor way. We are so behind schedule we can now no longer go to Sorrento first because Pompeii closes at 5.30 and there won't be time. A sit down restaurant meal will now be replaced by a takeaway which will be eaten on the coach.

We've just been told the cause of the traffic jam and it's because somebody has died in a collision on the motorway.

Instead of feeling saddened about the loss of life I just feel inconvenienced and pissed off that the highlight of my trip has been ruined.

Does this make me a shitty person? It just occurred that it might 😳

Those of you struggling to make sense of other people’s behaviour, this might help.

People all draw bubbles or circles around themselves regarding what does and doesn’t count. Everyone draws their circle differently. Some people draw their circle really tight in- often because in their immediate circle there is already more stress and need than they can manage.

Some people have a heart as big as the world and are able to manage to care about everything- just a bit. Some people have a smaller circle but are passionate and active about everything within that circle.

Caring about everything a bit doesn’t make you better than caring about just a few things more passionately.

I had to draw my circle closer in because I was getting burnt out. I was passionate and active about too much. Now I care about things I can change. Nothing else. I don’t waste emotion on situations I can’t affect.

Very well put and this makes a lot of sense.
Ive been there, too. My circle used to be huge but I got taken advantage of a lot and have had to toughen up and only focus on what I can change.
A lot of people find it exhausting to take on everyone else’s emotional pain and I get it totally. We are all different.

I most certainly was not!
I was giving context to try to make her understand that whoever was in the accident where she was wasn't just an inconvenience but a real person with a family and friends who were now going to get the worst news of their lives.
The attitude from OP was what riled me.
And, as I said, the 'damn, what a wake up call', was insincere in my opinion.
I dont dwell on or use my BIL's death to gain sympathy, I've had many other things happen to me after that and I'm getting along just fine, thankyou.

If you can put it into context, as in you've been inconvenienced and disappointed but someone's loved ones are already having or about to have the worst day of their life because someone else has died, then I think that makes you normal.

I don't think you have to feel sadness at a complete strangers death to the point that you're upset yourself to recognise that while your inconvenience and disappointment is important to you, it's not the most important feeling in the whole situation that's had far worse outcomes than yours.

I think the difference is blame, you can acknowledge that sometimes life and death disrupt things and that stuff just happens and while you're disappointed and inconvenienced, it's part of being around other people and nature, of just existing, and there's no one to blame for it happening, to expect a sorry from, sometimes stuff like this happens and you just suck it up.

Some people on this thread are just bonkers though, I mean I'm quite a sympathetic and empathetic person, but even I would feel disappointed at not being able to do something I'd been looking forward to, while able to acknowledge that the situation has far worse concequences for others than for me.

Because op will do another thread, l personally would prefer to know, what their previous posts were, just like an op would know what my previous posts are.
(This post, wasn’t personal to op, self identifying, why would anyone assume it was op, when many people were there🙄) Many wouldn’t have clicked onto her thread, if they were aware on how she converses with posters who dare disagree with her.Disagree with this op, you will get their wrath, just about sums it up

That's fine but you have been angrily calling people virtue signallers for saying that they would feel a bit sad for a stranger losing their life. Nobody was offering to set up a just giving page for their family or go to the funeral.

No I haven’t. I’ve been referring to actual virtue signalling. What you describe there isn’t it. I even said myself I would feel sad for the family so clearly I don’t think that’s virtue signalling, do I?

I have said I would feel sad and disappointed about the trip.

I don't know why you picked me and kept saying I didn't understand what is was when I clearly did. It was very annoying.

I might have mixed you up with another poster in the case. If I did then I apologise.

She’s repeating it, laughing at it.Does that then make it ok, no.

Why didn’t you say anything to the person who said it? Why pick on OP?

Get up you fucker, I want to see Pompeii!" Is gold.

Grim. It's not gold.

That doesn’t answer my question. Why didn’t you or Justchilling say anything to the person who actually said it?

I will answer your question.

I must have missed it and I've not said anything to OP about it.

Question answered.

For someone who thought that writing down these thoughts was beyond the pale, you've done a cracking job of sustaining this thread and maximising it's time in active @LemonCheesecake2025

Because it’s op’s thread, she’s repeating and laughing at it, makes her just as bad as the person who originally posted it.
Grow up, op is well capable of looking after their self.

I agree. I think the issue has been that OP has only felt ‘pissed off’ by it and that is just a bit too callous for most rational people to relate to.

Thanks 😀

So OP is responsible for what everyone else posts?

How does me growing up correlate to Op looking after herself?

Isn’t it more that you want to be able to pile on OP without anyone checking you?

And yet you’ve gone to the trouble of looking for OP’s post quoting the post and yet not the person who said it.

Pile on comes to mind.

Why all the questions? It's easy to miss a post on a fast paced thread.
The poster who did post that was out of line but it was OP who drew attention to it calling it 'gold'.

OP might think twice about starting a thread about people dying ruining her day trips in future.

I doubt it though.

Because a few of you have pounced on OP even though she’s not the one who said it. So it’s not about what was said, it was about who said it that concerns you. Which is hypocritical.

Let it go.I’ve already answered you.
I realise by commenting on here, it’s only keeping this thread more active, that’s probably the goal, for some posters on here, to keep it going.
So yes, thankfully l’ve seen the light 👋

It’s not your place to try and stop anyone from posting threads and it’s not kind to incite pile ons.