Suspected narcissist mother starting to scare me

[Ihaveonedaughter]

My mum is nearing the end of life after a battle with a neurological condition. She is quite weak and frail but in other ways has the whole deck of cards mentally. However, the last few times I've been to see my parents my mum has been increadingly bitter, angry and nasty towards me. I have a big birthday in early September and my mum gave me a birthday card today and told me she hadn't written in it because I could re use it and I needed to learn to stop spending money. Other nasty comments such as when my daughter asked my mum what I was like as a baby, mum could only say negative things such as I cried and wailed a lot, I was always hungry. My daughter looked upset it was all so negative. Sometimes she will refer to me as a slot because I had a few boyfriends in my teenage years / early twenties.

Last time we visited she told me she'd rather leave everything to my sister in her will as my sister has less and works a temp job etc.

Feel very sad it has come to this I feel my mum honestly hates me and certainly doesn't feel love.
Aibu to go no contact for a while even though mum is close to dying? It is hard because even though my dad doesn't defend me i know he would miss the children if we went no contact. Also i arrange a lot for my dad all of his online shopping, get his laptop fixed, just always tried to be helpful. I know he is struggling with my mum.
Tia x

I reduced my visits it worked well. Reading other replies it grinds you down. I feel she like a grenade Im waiting her next drama. Calm for now.

Calm because you reduced your visits down and your mother knows you could reduce them further do you think?

Yes perhaps she knows if she nasty then no visits. But that only works for a while as then she starts up she sees nobody. We encourage her to join groups but she not into it. 80s. Its hard work

Sorry you have to go through this. Is no contact not a possibility.

I could but I try and do one visit as she old. Thats it. Then you get crap off people how badly elderly get treated. I dont even try explaining myself now. My sil said her husb mam is hard work too.

@TammyJones She was a bit taken aback, I think. She just muttered, 'well no - I don't suppose so' when asked if she had to do it every time.

She's been a bit better since because if she starts being critical I just get up and say, 'Right, I'm off home then - see you soon' and I leave. She is late 80s now. I'm aware she complains a lot about me, but I don't have to listen to it. It's taken me years to realise that it's not me - most people find me pleasant and easy going, but I'm never going to be anything other than criticsed by my DM (and the wider family). I am simply the family scapegoat and so I limit contact with them as much as possible.

Gosh, so true. I've always been liked by the vast majority of people I've known and have always been the ' nice, helpful, empathetic ' one in the office. But to my narcissist mother and extended family, I'm loathed. I'll always be the difficult one, the crazy one, the either not enough or too much one. I have to for ever hold on to the thought that it's not reality, but it's so hard sometimes.

The scary thing (I found) with my evil mother was that she was looking for ways, and situations she could use, to weaponise against me. And my child, I finally saw, was a tool she was prepared to use for that purpose, whether it hurt the child or not. As long as she hit her target (me) the effect on the child was irrelevant.

The first time she mafeva weaponising remark to my daughter was the last time she saw her.

I used to get so puzzled, growing up, when my mother always interpreted any kindness, helpfulness and concern I showed towards other people (including her) as me being after something. She interpreted it as me being greedy, conniving and dishonest.

This resonates, how true. Because they're master manipulators and game players, they presume any act of kindness we do is for the same motivations. In their eyes, everyone is the same.