DP said no to baby 3 but thinks he can have a puppy !!!

[Idontwantapuppy]

I wanted dc 3, dp said absolutely not. I was quite upset but obviously if he doesn’t want another child then that’s that.

However he has decided he wants a puppy. I said no I really don’t want a dog. He has said ‘but you wanted a baby - a puppy is much less of a commitment- you’re only saying no because I said no to you!’ Which isn’t the case at all.

I said no because I’m asthmatic and just don’t want a pet. I’m a bit of a clean freak and don’t want doggy mess / hair / slobber in the house. I said to him it’s nothing to do with the fact he said no to another baby it’s a totally separate issue and I’m not applying bitterness as he says I am and just saying no to spite him. He’s saying if he wants a dog he has every right to. AIBU ? He says I clearly am as if I’d commit to another child then a puppy is a lot less of a commitment so I’m being deliberately difficult apparently

He doesn’t understand the work that’s going to go into the puppy. It’s almost the same as the baby.

You don't need to be making a third child - you already have one.

Bit concerning that he doesn't understand the difference between a dog and a child.

Not all dogs slobber and some breeds are hypoallergenic, ie don’t shed or produce dander. And he’s right - a dog is less of a commitment and less expensive than another child.

Like comparing apples and oranges.

What an idiot and an unkind one too.

Puppy’s are MORE commitment in my view - they are a toddler that just doesn’t grow up. They don’t get able to take themselves off to the toilet or out for walks or go off to (pre)school during the day. The level of commitment starts hard and remains hard

it needs BOTH parties committed to it just like a child. It is comparable and you have every right to say no

If you are allergic to dogs he's cruel to suggest you get a puppy.

Does he prefer his wife breathing or not breathing?

He's being an arse. Yes dogs aren't as much of a commitment, but they are still a big responsibility and one you should both be on the same page about.

Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that if you got a dog, he'd expect you to do all of the grunt work like cleaning up after it, feeding it, training it etc.

She didn’t say she’s allergic, she said she has asthma.

Exposure to dogs in childhood may reduce asthma risk in children so that’s a possible benefit to the children.

However, dogs, like babies, require everyone’s OK.

At this point in time I’m not sure 😂

What is really getting to me is the fact it’s being thrown back in my face that I wanted another baby , yes I did but when he said absolutely not I had to just accept that and get over it and the way he’s now using the fact I wanted another baby against me in his reasoning for wanting a dog is really making me quite angry ! It’s very manipulative and I’ve told him I don’t appreciate it at all.

That's slightly over the top. They're definitely not more of a commitment. They're hard work and all that but absolutely not more of a commitment than a child.

So what???? If OP doesn’t want a dog, she doesn’t want a dog.

They’re not even hard work for very long. Once they’re housetrained - which takes days if you work hard at it - the rest is relatively easy.

The main thing that dogs and babies have in common is that you both have to agree you want one, and either partner has the right to veto. He has the right to veto a third child, you have the right to veto a dog. He needs to drop it.

One of those moments where you need to read the room. It’s not about convincing op. It’s about telling partner she has zero interest in a dog. Any dog.

Yes, well tell that to OP’s DH. Ime the wife or mum end up doing g nearly all of the tedious work that’s involved.

Several of my friends who have dogs find that they are a huge tie and they find they have to run their day around the dogs needs, not to mention the dirt, noise and expense.

I've done both. Puppy and baby.

I found puppy waaaaay harder than newborn baby. And I had the puppy 1st 😂 she's 10 now and still far harder work than my children.

One puppy was more work and stress than all my DC put together.

Why don't you suggest to DH that he can have his puppy if you can have DC3? 😁

I have 4 DC and a dog (skipped the puppy stage). We won’t be getting another dog as it limits us more than having young DC ever did.

Pets (and babies) are one of those "2 yes" things.

If you don't want a puppy, he doesn'T get a puppy
if he doesn't want a baby, you don't get a baby

I would have thought 2 or 3 DC would be quite messy

Urgh, hard no to a furry child who never grows up.

Surely they're two separate decisions and both fine for each of you to veto. A baby or a puppy mean major and long term upheaval. He shouldn't be using your desire for a third child against you and you're not obliged to say yes to a puppy. I hope you find a way to get through this.