DP said no to baby 3 but thinks he can have a puppy !!!

[Idontwantapuppy]

I wanted dc 3, dp said absolutely not. I was quite upset but obviously if he doesn’t want another child then that’s that.

However he has decided he wants a puppy. I said no I really don’t want a dog. He has said ‘but you wanted a baby - a puppy is much less of a commitment- you’re only saying no because I said no to you!’ Which isn’t the case at all.

I said no because I’m asthmatic and just don’t want a pet. I’m a bit of a clean freak and don’t want doggy mess / hair / slobber in the house. I said to him it’s nothing to do with the fact he said no to another baby it’s a totally separate issue and I’m not applying bitterness as he says I am and just saying no to spite him. He’s saying if he wants a dog he has every right to. AIBU ? He says I clearly am as if I’d commit to another child then a puppy is a lot less of a commitment so I’m being deliberately difficult apparently

@Idontwantapuppy noooooo don't do it.

DH has 2 dogs. Entirely his responsibility supposedly. I'm a neat freak and spend my entire life cleaning and vacuuming as they make so much mess. He walks them morning and night but the mud and dust is unreal and sometimes never ending and depressing.

I have 3 DC but only because DC2 turned out to be twins. 3rd child is easier than dogs!!

DH has always had a dog so we can't not have one. When his last dog died he was miserable so it was either another dog or divorce.

The kids love the dogs and i hate coming across as the naggy clean the house parent.

The baby thing is irrelevant, every adult in the house has to be onboard to get a pet

Hes unkind and thoughtless. Dogs are just as much work as children and are a constant tie whose needs are never ending.

@Idontwantapuppy
Things that you can't do with a baby / young child:

• chuck them into the garden to do their business
• lock them in a crate if they are naughty or annoying
• leave them home alone (in crate) when popping to the shops
• feed them kibble every day

Stand your ground if it's you that will end up holding the puppy!

Just say that the rule is always whoever wants to add to the household has to get the permission of the other. He didn't want to add a child so you gave way. You don't want to add a puppy so the same rule applies to him. Tell him you'll compromise on another child rather than a dog if he feels there is something lacking.

Puppy's are hard work! Like children you both have to be on board!

Dogs are wifework.

It'll all fall to you when he gets tired of the dog.

I don’t think it is - they are a living breathing creature that will need permanent care its entire life. It won’t grow up or take on more responsibility it is something to think very long and hard about becuase the fact is not enough people actually recognise that fact.

same as others puppies are harder than babies.

regardless something of that commitment level
should be a joint decision if you don’t want a dog it’s totally unreasonable of him to try to force you into it - they are very hard work.

Oh but they are if looked after properly! Having had dogs myself, taking care of a dog involves
Daily or twice daily walks in all weathers
Daily grooming
Washing of paws/cleaning floor in muddy weather after every trip outside
Worming
Poop scooping
immunisations
house training
feeding
immunisations
vets bills/check ups
Limitations of where you can take them
Cleaning up mess from muddy paws/dog hair
Discipline and training
And if a puppy, house training and not being able to leave it by itself for any length of time as needs frequent small feeds.
Pet insurance

The OP is quite right to refuse to have a dog, and add into that her allergy should stick to her guns.
What’s the betting DH would take it for granted OP would be doing all the above as well as looking after their two children.

They're two completely different issues.

But with both of them, everyone has to be enthusiastic about it.

Puppies are cheaper. However, you are right a dog is quite time consuming/demanding.

Neither of you are bu.

His argument is both ridiculous and, as you point out, either dumb or manipulative.

No way would I agree to a dog.

It’s silly logic he is using. By his own logic, him saying he wants a puppy should mean he wants a 3rd baby. It the same argument in reverse!

puppies are heck load of work and as pp said with lots of responsibility.

Also consider your lifestyle and if it’s realistic in terms of how long you’re out of the house each day including weekends and holidays! You can’t take dogs everywhere and even if dogs are permitted your dog would need to be comfortable/well trained enough to a variety of environments otherwise it can be stressful for them

Not to mention training the children on

• how to behave around dogs
• not to share their food with the dog
• how to read the dogs body language
• leaving puppy alone so it can get much needed sleep

@Idontwantapuppy, has your DP ever had a dog?

His comparison of your wish for a child and his for a dog shows a lack of thought, a shallowness that bodes ill for his taking responsibility.
In one crucial way a dog is like a baby; neither asked to be with you and you owe them everything and forever.

Stand firm, say no, and I say this as a dog owner.

not really. Not if you work- then you need to find someone to spend time with and check on the puppy as it’s not fair to just leave them at home, find a dog walker, it doesn’t take days to not be woken at night…

hell would freeze over before I signed up to care for and pay for a puppy, while of course I’d look after a baby. Your husband is being very selfish and manipulative. Does no mean no or does only his no mean no, and how much of the hard work was he planning on doing anyway ?

this too- if they are so related since he wants a dog he must want a baby! And you won’t be allergic to the baby…

I’m guessing you would be the one stuck feeding, walking and cleaning after the pup.

Make it clear that if he gets a dog you won’t be doing a single thing for it or staying home with it.

It's a weird argument... puppies are less commitment than children so you should be ok with having one.

It's a bit like you wanting to go deep sea diving and him saying no, that's too dangerous, but why not go hill walking instead because it's safer? But you didn't ever want to go hill-walking, you wanted to go deep sea diving, so it's completely irrelevant to you that hill-walking is safer.

I'd just tell him that you won't share your house with or take care of a dog and it's up to him what he does with that information.

Pets aren’t for everyone! I have a dog, but she’s more like a cat in personality, so I understand the “not really a dog person” vibe. Having children AND pets together is a lot, so if you’re not into it, you shouldn’t have to pretend you are!

He is being unreasonable not you. I think he also under estimates the commitment a dog requires and the work a puppy take. At least with a baby you can take it with you everywhere you go!

No to both.

It is manipulation and bullying. Make your sentences shorter. No.