DP said no to baby 3 but thinks he can have a puppy !!!

[Idontwantapuppy]

I wanted dc 3, dp said absolutely not. I was quite upset but obviously if he doesn’t want another child then that’s that.

However he has decided he wants a puppy. I said no I really don’t want a dog. He has said ‘but you wanted a baby - a puppy is much less of a commitment- you’re only saying no because I said no to you!’ Which isn’t the case at all.

I said no because I’m asthmatic and just don’t want a pet. I’m a bit of a clean freak and don’t want doggy mess / hair / slobber in the house. I said to him it’s nothing to do with the fact he said no to another baby it’s a totally separate issue and I’m not applying bitterness as he says I am and just saying no to spite him. He’s saying if he wants a dog he has every right to. AIBU ? He says I clearly am as if I’d commit to another child then a puppy is a lot less of a commitment so I’m being deliberately difficult apparently

If you're truly not being spiteful, then I have always thought that everyone in a household has to be on board with having a puppy, or any pet with commitments.

Time commitments have to be shared with everyone so it's not fair to the animal, or other people, if these can't be met.

Looking after pets properly is also very expensive

😆

Yup if he wants a dog he should be able to have a dog. But it is HIS dog and he is solely in charge of it and its mess.

Nonsense.

No breed is hypoallergenic. All dogs have dander. All dogs have saliva, whether they are slobbery or not. All dogs pee.

Allergies are triggered by proteins in dog pee, saliva, and dander. No dog is hypoallergenic as they all pee, salivate, and have dander.

Some dogs have less dander and shed less. This is better for some allergy sufferers. Others will still have allergic reactions because there is no such thing as a hypoallergenic dog.

HTH.

Dogs can never be more of a commitment than a child can they? They only live approx 10 years.foe a start. Yes they are a pain but it’s not the same as creating a human life and bringing into this troubled world we have now is it.

As far as dander goes, this is incorrect. Dander is skin flakes. All dogs have skin, which sheds. One of my DC is badly allergic to dogs. We discovered this when we were about to get a dog. I asked the consultant immunologist about “hypoallergenic” dogs and was told categorically that no such thing exists because all dogs shed skin. The thing people are allergic to is in the skin flakes and also saliva.

dog lover here and this is completely and scientifically true. people are allergic to the protein in dog pee and saliva as well as the protein in dander.

How about you get the baby and he gets a hypoallergenic puppy? Win win instead of lose lose.

And if OP doesn’t want to have a dog in the house?

This is all true (apart from the noise in our case). However, as I'm a massive dog lover, it's worth it for me. That's the crux of the matter. In all of the families I know, the women does all of the 'care' regardless if who wanted the dog.

Or if you are ok with cats, you get a baby and he gets a cat.

Children become adults and most of them leave home. Mostly they don't need someone to take them for outings, serve up their food, allow them access to the place where they toilet, give them regular attention and so on. Many many dogs live longer than 10 years. In the final years of their lives, they often become more dependent and need more care than puppies do. I'd love to have another dog, all of mine have lived to past 14, the last one to almost 16 and in every case, the last year to 18 months was very hard. I don't regret a second of it and would do it again if my circumstances allowed but over the time that they are alive, I'd say yes they are a massive committment.

But we have children to teach them to go off into the world - we make them independent teach them how to do things by themselves and send them off to school.

Pets are entirely dependent on their owner for all the decisions they can’t talk, you have to learn how to read their communication etc.

they need looking after if you want to go on holiday

vet expenses can run into thousands, food isn’t cheap day to day running expenses for a pet etc

and you see them through as you say the life cycle from birth to death and all that comes with old age

the reason we are seeing animal rescues overwhelmed at the moment is people who don’t see having pets as the commitment that it is. Either we can’t commit to another child so let’s have a pet - when the financial and time reasons they didn’t have another child impact the pet. Or children want a pet but obviously aren’t equipped to deal with the huge responsibility that comes with it.
or a man wants a dog but you can bet won’t do half of what is needed

because there is no such thing as a hypoallergenic dog.

Exactly, and you can’t just take them with you on the plane when you want to go on holiday

this. all of it.

And my friends got a hypoallergenic dog and weirdly as my thing is usually cats I wasn’t good with him at all!

Abother friend who was desperate for a dog went in heavy duty antihistamines to get through it

Exactly. For the dog lovers it’s all part and parcel - some if my friends who were reluctant in the first place end up resenting the the dogs - especially the one that turned out to have a very expensive and hard to manage dog. He bit several children including mine and her own.

I think it depends on the individual and level of allergy. If it’s a mild allergy, she might be fine with a low shedding variety. I know plenty of people this has worked for.

Yes, I’m allergic to some ‘hypoallergenic’ dogs. And all dogs seem to be smelly if not bathed all the time. Trouble is, owners get nose blind quite quickly.

It can’t be good to take antihistamines every day for years. Does it not reduce their effectiveness over time?

Sure, he just needs to house it in HIS own (not THEIR shared) house, because noone should be forced to live with a dog if they don't want to.

Have you said all that to him? If you can’t say it, write it down and get him to read it. He needs to understand what he’s expected of you in saying no to another child and how you’ve handled that, and the comparison to his current behaviour. He’s right that a dog is not equivalent to a child - it’s much less of a sacrifice that he’s being asked to make, so he needs to get over it.

This is good advice. In one sense it was very mature of you to not try to argue and convince him about having another, but I suspect it also means he has no idea how hard that has been for you. You probably do need some support in processing your feelings better, but he also needs to know how you feel and how this recent behaviour makes you feel about him and his lack of care for you.