Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kid is always at our house-bit rude?

127 replies

Timeitwasohwhatatimeitwas · 10/08/2025 15:03

Dd has a friend on the road, he’s at our house a lot to play, which I don’t mind at all, he’s a lovely boy and they play nicely together.
Yesterday he was here from 2.30-7.30 and stayed for dinner-all fine
Whenever my Dd asks if he can play, it’s always at our house, she’s been there a few times, but they always have to play outside. She’s even asked if she can play at his for a change (did her this was cheeky) and he said he wasn’t allowed but could come to ours

My friends and I generally take it in turns to have playdates, does anyone else find this a bit rude?

OP posts:
Magnahot · 10/08/2025 15:24

Age?

Magnahot · 10/08/2025 15:25

Whenever my Dd asks if he can play

“Not today Dd, no“

there. Simple as that

melisma · 10/08/2025 15:25

How well do you know his mum? How old are the kids? Perhaps she or someone else in the household struggles with anxiety or their mental health, there may be a hoarding issue, unpredictable pets, a controlling partner?

Magnahot · 10/08/2025 15:26

It’s 100% his parents prerogative
and it is 100% your prerogative

TinyTempest · 10/08/2025 15:26

Some people are ashamed of their houses.

Perhaps the child's parents are too?

Creu · 10/08/2025 15:26

What do the parents say to you about it?

Original poster
Timeitwasohwhatatimeitwas · 10/08/2025 15:37

Family very nice, lovely house, no issues 🤷🏻‍♀️

7 & 8

OP posts:
Magnahot · 10/08/2025 15:45

Timeitwasohwhatatimeitwas · 10/08/2025 15:37

Family very nice, lovely house, no issues 🤷🏻‍♀️

7 & 8

So…. It’s their bloody prerogative Op and they are exercising that

You do the same

I always encouraged kids these days to be in the garden as much as possible to minimise mess and disruption in my home

CruCru · 10/08/2025 15:57

Problem is, once you start noticing stuff like this, it’s really hard to stop noticing. Growing up, a friend who lived next door used to come over all the time - several times a day. It got extremely wearing - if I was out, she would ring our doorbell up to five times throughout the day to see if I had come home.

Letting your child stay at someone else’s for five hours (and get fed) when you won’t allow the hosts’ child to come in the house is weird. Do they like him to play elsewhere so he doesn’t make a mess at theirs?

Magnahot · 10/08/2025 16:02

CruCru · 10/08/2025 15:57

Problem is, once you start noticing stuff like this, it’s really hard to stop noticing. Growing up, a friend who lived next door used to come over all the time - several times a day. It got extremely wearing - if I was out, she would ring our doorbell up to five times throughout the day to see if I had come home.

Letting your child stay at someone else’s for five hours (and get fed) when you won’t allow the hosts’ child to come in the house is weird. Do they like him to play elsewhere so he doesn’t make a mess at theirs?

Difference is… Whenever my Dd asks if he can play,

Jojimoji · 10/08/2025 16:02

Timeitwasohwhatatimeitwas · 10/08/2025 15:37

Family very nice, lovely house, no issues 🤷🏻‍♀️

7 & 8

I get you OP.

They are CF.
" Prerogative" my arse.

Kid entertained out of the house, with dinner provided.
If your kid spends hours in someone else's house and even eats there, then the least you should do is reciprocate from time to time.

ThejoyofNC · 10/08/2025 16:04

They're sending their kid to your house unannounced for 5 hours and won't even have yours in their house? They're taking the piss and you're letting them.

Original poster
Timeitwasohwhatatimeitwas · 10/08/2025 16:05

CruCru · 10/08/2025 15:57

Problem is, once you start noticing stuff like this, it’s really hard to stop noticing. Growing up, a friend who lived next door used to come over all the time - several times a day. It got extremely wearing - if I was out, she would ring our doorbell up to five times throughout the day to see if I had come home.

Letting your child stay at someone else’s for five hours (and get fed) when you won’t allow the hosts’ child to come in the house is weird. Do they like him to play elsewhere so he doesn’t make a mess at theirs?

I really don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️he’s a well behaved boy so I doubt he makes much mess, she sometimes goes to his after being at ours, but I can see mum is reluctant
It’s around 80/20
He’s here again now, which again I don’t mind as we’re v fond of him, but I think if it was me and mine had been at his all afternoon yesterday and for dinner, I would have asked if he’d like to play at ours this afternoon

OP posts:
Magnahot · 10/08/2025 16:05

ThejoyofNC · 10/08/2025 16:04

They're sending their kid to your house unannounced for 5 hours and won't even have yours in their house? They're taking the piss and you're letting them.

They are not

the OP’s dd is asking

InMyOpenOnion · 10/08/2025 16:05

Yeah, it's a bit cheeky, but there might be a reason for it I guess. My DC are older, but there are a couple of friends who always come to ours and never invite to theirs. I don't really mind but I stopped feeding them a while ago. I send them home at dinner time and that makes it less of a burden.

dottymac · 10/08/2025 16:39

I've had this for years with a neighbour's child. Would come to play with my kid day after day and it was very rarely reciprocated. Whenever I suggest they go to at their house together for a change, the child claimed it's boring! So i guess it just became expected I'd provide food and entertainment by the kids and their parents. 😟 Sadly, if you give and give, people will take and take and it seems this is what's happening here with you. In the end I've had to become less welcoming because they were here so much it felt like they were a bit too comfortable here and started being very cheeky to me and naughty (destroying toys and throwing food about) and the mum made a few rude comments to me about the food I was giving. 👀

Original poster
Timeitwasohwhatatimeitwas · 10/08/2025 16:41

dottymac · 10/08/2025 16:39

I've had this for years with a neighbour's child. Would come to play with my kid day after day and it was very rarely reciprocated. Whenever I suggest they go to at their house together for a change, the child claimed it's boring! So i guess it just became expected I'd provide food and entertainment by the kids and their parents. 😟 Sadly, if you give and give, people will take and take and it seems this is what's happening here with you. In the end I've had to become less welcoming because they were here so much it felt like they were a bit too comfortable here and started being very cheeky to me and naughty (destroying toys and throwing food about) and the mum made a few rude comments to me about the food I was giving. 👀

😮

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 10/08/2025 17:07

Yes it is but some parents are like that. I know a few who have never ever let another child over their house to play with their child. Poor kid. It isn't the child's fault so as long as they're well behaved I try to ignore the fact it isn't reciprocated.

Silverbirchleaf · 10/08/2025 17:20

Just say no, or send him home before feeding him.

Original poster
Timeitwasohwhatatimeitwas · 10/08/2025 17:27

So he’s been here for 2-3 hours, Dh just asked them if they wanted to go in the pool. They were both excited and both popped to his house to ask him mum & get swimming things. Dd came back saying she said no and that she said she had to go home (disappointed friend said this to her)

OP posts:
Magnahot · 10/08/2025 17:48

Timeitwasohwhatatimeitwas · 10/08/2025 17:27

So he’s been here for 2-3 hours, Dh just asked them if they wanted to go in the pool. They were both excited and both popped to his house to ask him mum & get swimming things. Dd came back saying she said no and that she said she had to go home (disappointed friend said this to her)

And he’s stayed at home
probably because it’s Sunday evening and she’s prepared a family dinner
or family coming over
or just doesn’t want another child over
so her son stayed and your child returned

Magnahot · 10/08/2025 17:49

Op you have your way
and she has her way

neither wrong
neither right

if you don’t want the child over, when your dd asks you if he can come over… say not today

it isn’t hard

Painrelief · 10/08/2025 17:55

Maybe she saw your post on here 🤣🤣

Magnahot · 10/08/2025 19:30

dottymac · 10/08/2025 16:39

I've had this for years with a neighbour's child. Would come to play with my kid day after day and it was very rarely reciprocated. Whenever I suggest they go to at their house together for a change, the child claimed it's boring! So i guess it just became expected I'd provide food and entertainment by the kids and their parents. 😟 Sadly, if you give and give, people will take and take and it seems this is what's happening here with you. In the end I've had to become less welcoming because they were here so much it felt like they were a bit too comfortable here and started being very cheeky to me and naughty (destroying toys and throwing food about) and the mum made a few rude comments to me about the food I was giving. 👀

This went on for years

and yet you kept on inviting over. Time after time after time.

even when the child was rude and destructive, rather than just. Say. No. You began a palaver of making him feel less welcome

You are an adult and this was YOUR home

dottymac · 10/08/2025 20:22

Magnahot · 10/08/2025 19:30

This went on for years

and yet you kept on inviting over. Time after time after time.

even when the child was rude and destructive, rather than just. Say. No. You began a palaver of making him feel less welcome

You are an adult and this was YOUR home

Show quote history

The rude behaviour has only just started happening in the last few weeks, I have given many chances as we have known the family for a decade in this street and they are nice people. The icing on the cake was calling one of my daughters a very derogatory term last week then hitting my younger child for winning at a game the other day. Haven't you ever had a moral dilemma or is your life and the choices you make so clear cut all the time, how wonderful for you although you do seem rather hostile for some reason the rest of us are clearly not privy to 🤷