Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kid is always at our house-bit rude?

127 replies

Timeitwasohwhatatimeitwas · 10/08/2025 15:03

Dd has a friend on the road, he’s at our house a lot to play, which I don’t mind at all, he’s a lovely boy and they play nicely together.
Yesterday he was here from 2.30-7.30 and stayed for dinner-all fine
Whenever my Dd asks if he can play, it’s always at our house, she’s been there a few times, but they always have to play outside. She’s even asked if she can play at his for a change (did her this was cheeky) and he said he wasn’t allowed but could come to ours

My friends and I generally take it in turns to have playdates, does anyone else find this a bit rude?

OP posts:
Magnahot · 11/08/2025 07:10

It’s totally baffling.

You’re neighbours

if you don’t want him over, talk to your daughter and ask her to stop inviting him over to your house!!

The fact you do something doesn’t force others to reciprocate.

MushMonster · 11/08/2025 07:16

CruCru · 10/08/2025 15:57

Problem is, once you start noticing stuff like this, it’s really hard to stop noticing. Growing up, a friend who lived next door used to come over all the time - several times a day. It got extremely wearing - if I was out, she would ring our doorbell up to five times throughout the day to see if I had come home.

Letting your child stay at someone else’s for five hours (and get fed) when you won’t allow the hosts’ child to come in the house is weird. Do they like him to play elsewhere so he doesn’t make a mess at theirs?

This. They do not want the mess and noise at their home.
If you are happy having him, I would carry on. But 5 hours! And they do not even check on him?

isolate34 · 11/08/2025 07:16

Magnahot · 11/08/2025 07:10

It’s totally baffling.

You’re neighbours

if you don’t want him over, talk to your daughter and ask her to stop inviting him over to your house!!

The fact you do something doesn’t force others to reciprocate.

Bloody hell magna are you the neighbour or something??? Give it a rest, you've made your point (multiple times) and you're taking over the thread 😂😂

Moonnstars · 11/08/2025 07:23

Sorry I think YABU for not saying no.
If you don't want him round, when DD asks just tell her not today.
Some parents don't want extra children in their home for whatever reason, and you just need to accept that. If you still want DD to play with him then you need to realise it will be at yours and if you don't want him there so much you need to be saying no to DD.
Food wise, tell him he needs to go home. If he has been there at 2.30 and you eat at 6, it is fair to tell him at 5 to leave.
Why aren't you being the adult and just letting your DD and her friend do what they want?

Dancingsquirrels · 11/08/2025 07:24

Just so what suits you

I do think its cheeky nor to reciprocate but currently I guess they may assume you're happy with situation

TheGrimSmile · 11/08/2025 07:32

Yes, they are selfish fuckers. So many parents like this. Well just people in general actually.

Magnahot · 11/08/2025 09:02

TheGrimSmile · 11/08/2025 07:32

Yes, they are selfish fuckers. So many parents like this. Well just people in general actually.

Selfish fuckers

for the fact the OP’s daughter repeatedly invites their son over. And he accepts.

PollyBell · 11/08/2025 09:04

You are the parent send them home

Magnahot · 11/08/2025 09:04

isolate34 · 11/08/2025 07:16

Bloody hell magna are you the neighbour or something??? Give it a rest, you've made your point (multiple times) and you're taking over the thread 😂😂

Show quote history

But then you get the op talking about fact that she knows they’re at home, and don’t work over the weekend and… well what? That means that they should have her child over?

these parents aren’t inviting their son over
and the son isn’t inviting himself over

op… does your daughter have siblings? Does he have siblings?

Original poster
Timeitwasohwhatatimeitwas · 11/08/2025 11:23

Magnahot · 11/08/2025 09:04

But then you get the op talking about fact that she knows they’re at home, and don’t work over the weekend and… well what? That means that they should have her child over?

these parents aren’t inviting their son over
and the son isn’t inviting himself over

op… does your daughter have siblings? Does he have siblings?

Show quote history

Both only children

OP posts:
MushMonster · 11/08/2025 12:29

It is quite weird that they are content to have their child gone, into someone's else house, for so long and so regularly. And when they play at his house, it has to be outside. They do not want the child/ children playing inside the house.

hmmimnotsurewhy · 11/08/2025 12:52

Magnahot · 11/08/2025 07:10

It’s totally baffling.

You’re neighbours

if you don’t want him over, talk to your daughter and ask her to stop inviting him over to your house!!

The fact you do something doesn’t force others to reciprocate.

Exactly!

You keep saying it’s all fine but it’s clearly not so stop pretending you don’t have a problem.

YOU are the one allowing all this. The other mother doesn’t want kids in her home and that’s fine too. I also wouldn’t send my kids swimming if I wasn’t there.

Magnahot · 11/08/2025 15:25

Timeitwasohwhatatimeitwas · 11/08/2025 11:23

Both only children

Show quote history

Maybe they took that decision for the very reason that they actively don’t want children (multiple) around on a Sunday afternoon.

Again, their prerogative

Magnahot · 11/08/2025 15:27

If another parent is inviting my child over and feeding them, 🤷‍♀️ I’m going to presume that the parent in question has a backbone and that if they didn’t want my child over to their home, they would not actively be inviting them over.

And that if they had a problem with the fact I preferred play dates to be playing in my garden rather than underfoot during the weekend… then they would utilise that backbone and stop inviting my child over

nomas · 11/08/2025 15:30

Stop feeding him, send him home for dinner every time.

nomas · 11/08/2025 15:30

Magnahot · 11/08/2025 15:27

If another parent is inviting my child over and feeding them, 🤷‍♀️ I’m going to presume that the parent in question has a backbone and that if they didn’t want my child over to their home, they would not actively be inviting them over.

And that if they had a problem with the fact I preferred play dates to be playing in my garden rather than underfoot during the weekend… then they would utilise that backbone and stop inviting my child over

Feed your own child.

Magnahot · 11/08/2025 15:35

nomas · 11/08/2025 15:30

Feed your own child.

Show quote history

🤷‍♀️

if my child comes back and says “OP has invited me to stay for something to eat, can I?” And it’s not going to scupper any plans I have ie if I was about to serve up lunch, and we had arranged to go out etc etc, I’d say “sure”

Presuming the parent in question had a backbone and was happy to feed my child

Magnahot · 11/08/2025 15:36

I’d drop a text to say “Ds has said he’s invited over for lunch, just wanted to check that that is ok with you?”

Moveoverdarlin · 11/08/2025 15:41

I’ll tell you the reason…it’s the summer holidays and this boy’s mother enjoys the peace and quiet while her son is at OP’s house. She doesn’t want the mess and the demands for snacks and food at her house. It’s simple. She gets five hours free of kids! She’s loving life.

Magnahot · 11/08/2025 15:44

Moveoverdarlin · 11/08/2025 15:41

I’ll tell you the reason…it’s the summer holidays and this boy’s mother enjoys the peace and quiet while her son is at OP’s house. She doesn’t want the mess and the demands for snacks and food at her house. It’s simple. She gets five hours free of kids! She’s loving life.

She didn’t ask for it

It was offered to her

CruCru · 11/08/2025 15:46

Yeah but it’s a bit like offering lifts. If someone gave you a lift somewhere really often, would you just keep accepting them or would you think that maybe you should sometimes offer one back?

MushMonster · 11/08/2025 17:05

I would send the child back to his home for dinner. Or when it gets a bit much. It is clear the parents are not going to retaliate.

Someiremember · 12/08/2025 06:45

CruCru · 11/08/2025 15:46

Yeah but it’s a bit like offering lifts. If someone gave you a lift somewhere really often, would you just keep accepting them or would you think that maybe you should sometimes offer one back?

The OP’s child is very actively wanting this child over

So following this analogy, the person offering the lifts would be very actively wanting to drive them for their own reasons

665theneighborofthebeast · 12/08/2025 07:57

I'm a long time out from this now but we had it such a lot when the kids were young.
Turns out that the kids like this lived in pristine houses. They weren't allowed to play at home in any way that I would have recognized as 'play'.
One toy out at a time at most if not 'watch a movie, no snacks don't touch anything'
Food was never offered because it was bought precisely for meals and there was no spare in the house. I am not criticising, it was just very different than our home, and used a lot less parental energy.
I hadn't seen parenting done like this so it hadn't occurred to me it was a thing. When I was young we "went out to play" and disappeared with the local tribe of other kids, no one would play indoors by choice.
Now kids dont have that freedom, but parents don't necessarily have the energy to supervise and organise play around the home either. It involves a level of sacrifice of energy cost and inevitably damage to your home.
We lived in a "doer upper" when the kids were young and we put off doing up things until the kids were past this stage but we were definitely the exception.

Someiremember · 12/08/2025 08:08

665theneighborofthebeast · 12/08/2025 07:57

I'm a long time out from this now but we had it such a lot when the kids were young.
Turns out that the kids like this lived in pristine houses. They weren't allowed to play at home in any way that I would have recognized as 'play'.
One toy out at a time at most if not 'watch a movie, no snacks don't touch anything'
Food was never offered because it was bought precisely for meals and there was no spare in the house. I am not criticising, it was just very different than our home, and used a lot less parental energy.
I hadn't seen parenting done like this so it hadn't occurred to me it was a thing. When I was young we "went out to play" and disappeared with the local tribe of other kids, no one would play indoors by choice.
Now kids dont have that freedom, but parents don't necessarily have the energy to supervise and organise play around the home either. It involves a level of sacrifice of energy cost and inevitably damage to your home.
We lived in a "doer upper" when the kids were young and we put off doing up things until the kids were past this stage but we were definitely the exception.

On the one hand you’re implying it’s a modern day phenomenon but on the other you’re saying you were the exception having kids over and you were doing this many years ago

There is a middle around. I like my home clean, tidy and organised - yes. But that is not the reason I don’t have some kind of open house policy for neighbours kids to come over.

It is my home, my space. So yes, I often used to encourage neighbours kids to play out in the garden with mine. And if their parent was cool with them coming inside too… then bravo to them.