Train etiquette

[EmJA85]

Was getting the train back to London from a day out in Folkestone yesterday with my husband and my 1 year old. It’s not possible to book seats on that line. We arrived at the platform 30mins early because we knew it would be busy. As soon as the train arrived people literally pushed us out of the way to get on. Then there was a man with 2 bikes by the door, we couldn’t attempt to move to another carriage because we wouldn’t get on and the trains only run once an hour. People tutted and moaned because I was having trouble getting on. There wasn’t space to keep the buggy up so I had to carry him and people thought it was acceptable to let me stand holding a 12kg toddler, he can’t walk yet and is very energetic. I spoke out and was given a seat but everyone gave me dirty looks as if I was in the wrong. If I rocked up late or if seats were assigned I would say fair enough but I was there early and they all pushed in front. The icing on the cake was the seat I was given was in the area with the tables so he was given a makeshift drum and thought it was a social event so he proceeded to babble at everyone for the hour , people were not impressed. Is there an unwritten rule that you don’t get trains with kids? I don’t have a car

I would like to stress the main issue wasn’t the seat and I actually always give up seats to older people , pregnant people , people with crutches etc . The issue wasn’t the overall experience, the combination of rudeness and lack of empathy from others

Well, I'm not sure you can stop them tbh.
I've commuted loads, folk in their 60s shoved and were shoved along with everyone else.
OP isn't 61 though.

I think the issue is the OP arrived 30 minutes early and expected some sort of invisible queuing system to be in place.

Pregnant people? You mean women?

So were you faffing about?
Were you standing in the right place, by the door, when the train stopped?
If you'd just stepped forward onto the train, I don't see how people could have pushed in front. You need to be assertive.

I totally understand your frustration and upset OP. You do expect some kind of etiquette around vulnerable passengers in a platform crush when otherwise it’s the law of the jungle and the people getting on the train are just the biggest and strongest. Would any of you on this thread elbow past a mother and child to get on the train first? I wouldn’t.

Nobody has said anything to indicate any strong feelings toward the toddler.

Nobody has said anything here about despising children! However, there’s been a significant pushback at a poster who thinks that because she has children she should be treated differently. Big difference.

You can't assume that because some people are challenging you

FYI Me and my husband had 2 adult tickets so we paid the same as the people with bikes, I was looking for 1 seat. My issue wasn’t with the man with the bike, it was with the people tutting behind me. No issue with the man with the bikes, he’s entitled to be there, never said he wasn’t

Having a different opinion does not make people trolls.

yawn.

Of course you can! An oi, we were in front of you is all it usually takes.
I can’t believe the number of people excusing this bloody awful behaviour. Presumably shovers.

I said I couldn’t walk to the next carriage because the train and platform were too busy.

But you got there 30 minutes early - as you’ve said. Why didn’t you walk to the other end of the platform where it would have been quieter?

Oh, and people disagreeing with you isn’t trolling

Eh? There's often no queues for trains, nobody is in front of anyone - hopefully a door will stop near you but it's not guaranteed (seasoned travellers on certain routes, or folk who read car stop signs will be better at predicting this).

I get your upset over this. This didn't use to happen. I honestly can't think of a single instance of this on public transport before, say, five years ago.

Cant believe some of the responses on this thread. I completely agree with you, I have a 2 year old and also live in London and use trains all the time and its fine.
I am using the train quite a lot at the moment to visit my parents in the South East and also experience this- people racing ahead and pushing me out of the way when I am often travelling with luggage, buggy and a 2 stone toddler. Grown men with laptops dominating table seats and groaning when you dare to sit opposite them! Bikes left across several spaces when if they were tucked in properly there would be room for someone to stand/a buggy to be parked. I think people either don't realise what it's like trying to navigate trains with small children or have forgotten. If I am ever travelling alone I always offer to help families with small children or give up my seat if someone is older/less able to stand/has a baby. People are just rude and entitled. It's also nearly always a woman who offers to help too!

If people were tutting behind you, I can only assume it was because you were holding them up and preventing them from getting on the hourly train.
Everyone knows that you just get on the train. Once everyone is on and the doors are shut you can then work out who is sitting where etc.
Had you collapsed your buggy before the train arrived? If it, I'm not surprised people were tutting.

When we travel, dh and I split the jobs- one person would find a seat, and the other battle with a buggy, or whatever needs doing.

If you’re travelling alone, try and strike up a conversation with an older woman on the platform who is child friendly (they’ll be the one smiling at your child). They’re a force to be reckoned with.

I wonder if some of these ppl are on this post ! There is a way to reply to people .
Personally OP I agree with you . Society is going downhill rapidly with manners and kindness as quickly as train carriages are disappearing actually ! I get a train into Birmingham every week and every time they apologise for lack of carriages due to maintenance but this has been going on now for a year so how long is it taking to maintain these carriages ?! People are literally crammed in like hotdogs in a tin way before we get anywhere near Birmingham so I don’t know how anyone further down the line gets on … the train companies are encouraging this in the dog eat dog world we live in ! There should be more carriages or more frequent trains for the price we pay for public transport otherwise this behaviour will get worse .

Can you kindly show me where then? It would be very handy
here’s a link to their site, I also tried Trainline btw
ticket.southeasternrailway.co.uk/journeys-list/SFA/FKC/2025-08-16T11:15//1//?departNow=no&realTime=no&searchPreferences=&showAdditionalRoutes=no&showCheapest=no&tocSpecific=no

Unfortunately, there is no train etiquette any more. It's every man for himself. Trains in the UK are shit, everyone hates them, and I'd say small noisy toddlers are on a par with being disliked. Unfortunately, they are just something to be tolerated. And if someone gives you dirty looks, give them right back!

Note for the future. Carriages at the very front (furthest end of the platform) tend to usually be a bit quieter.

This has happened as long as I've ever travelled by train, so since the late 80s.

What did you expect to happen? Everyone stand back for the special couple with the toddler? That's unrealistic.

I posted a link up thread

Gosh yes! Many a long train journey has been made easier by doing this. I usually travel on my own and when DS was a baby, a lovely lady offered to hold him for me while I went to the loo and then she held him and chatted to him about things out of the window while I drank a coffee.

And no Mumsnet she absolutely offered, and was very happy to do it, I would never force my offspring on someone because I felt entitled.