Enough is enough: DP needs to get a job now

[lucyellensmum]

Everymorning i wake up and i have a knot in the pit of my stomach and i feel sick. I'm not pregnant, its stress!! Ive posted so much about this its like a broken record. DP is "trying" to run his own building business, well its just him. He has no time management skills and is underestimating jobs left right and centre. For the past two years our income has been 7K and the only way we have managed is to borrow from my mother and get into horrendous credit card debt (vicious circle).

All i hear from him is, "i just need to get this job (nightmare job) out of the way, then im going to change it around and make some money" great, but i hear it every single fucking job. The job he is working on this week, was supposed to bring some money in, but guess what, it is taking significantly longer than he thought . So i imagine he will be trotting the same old line out over again.

People have suggested i help out, more than i do, which is typing invoices and sorting the accounts. But its not possible for me to say how long a job will take, all i know is that it will take longer than he estimates and subsequently prices for.

Its coming up to time to pay the mortgage and he promised me faithfully there would be money - well, we have had no money for over two months now and he is borrowing from the mortgage overdraft and hadn't told me til he let it slip.

I've made hints that i want him to get a job, the frustrating thing that he could easily earn 30K, be home by 5-6 every night and not work weekends.

People have also suggested that I should get a job. Well maybe, BUT when i had DD we discussed this and both agreed that it would be better if i were a SAHM, DD starts school next year and i will definately be going back to work then. I would get a job in an instant if DP was earning his limit and we were still struggling, but he choses to do this. I suggested to him that I get a job now and he takes a year out to look after DD. He said that he really wants the business to work and that, you've guessed it, The next job................

Am i being selfish here?? I really can't stand much more - i would be financially more secure if i left and went on benefit. But how can i do that, DD adores her daddy and he adores her. I love him deeply too and i think he loves me (we have had a bad patch - is there any wonder). Im just sick of waking up everymorning withthe feeling that i need to rush to the medicine cabinet to take my ADs.

Sit down george, i have a biochemistry degree and PhD so i would only have to do a year training, for which i would get a grant.

MB, my biology is RUSTY to say the least, that has made me dubious about secondary teaching, that and experience of MY teenager . With regards to lesson planning do you have to suck it out of your thumb or are you given a skeleton which you have to cover. This is one aspect that makes me nervous.

I'm going to speak to the tax credit people today about how part time work will affect my tax credit as there is little point in taking on part time work if it will result in a loss of benefit and SURELY there must be a way around that.

Either way, by this time next year DP needs to have sorted this business out, quite aside from our financial difficulties, if he isn't making money by then he isn't going to. So any career decisions i make will hopefully not have to be motivated solely by the need to get money now sort of thing.

LEM - you will have a curriculum to follow and fairly prescriptive schemes of work. It's certainly not a case of making it up!! However, the real skill is in making the lessons 'come alive' - imparting the knowledge and skills in a lively and interesting way, ensuring that you make the curriculum accessible to the whole spectrum of abilities etc. Plus there are all the other aspects to teaching - pastoral side, running a tutor group etc

Lucy, like you I had a degree and post grad work that was a long time ago and like you I was worried about my subject knowledge, but trust me, you will be fine

You will also have to teach all sciences up to the end of year 9, which worried me at first, but again, it is dead easy once you get into it.

Your PGCE will cover lesson planning, so don't worry about that. When I did mine the Sceme of work for biology was an A4 page....now we have a real plan and lots of lesson that are preplanned, which you can use if you want, or use as a general outline and elaborate etc.

even if the school has nothing you can log on to the exam board and QCA websites and find load of stuff. I can also give you my list of favorates!

as poor man says you have to brethe life into the lessons, and having been a 'real' scientist helps in this, I think.

I love it. It is the best (and hardest) job I have ever had, other than motherhood!

Cat me if you want for more info....you can do a science PGCE with the OU, BTW, I did and it was great re fitting in around the kids. I managed it while dh was away in the Gulf war!

I agree with sitdownpleasegeorge - find a suitable nursery for your dd, settle her in there, using the government funding for a half day.

Pick a pre-school that does whole days ( as some only do half days) so if you find a part time job one or two days a week, you can up the hours your dd is at pre school for those days.

Good luck with looking for a part time job. It will take I think you should do this as soon as you have a pre school place for your dd.

One thing you need to think about, however, is that there is only a couple of months before the start of the school summer holidays. Then there's at least a 6 week break. So you need to find a nursery that keeps open over the summer holidays - AFAIK a lot of them close. Contact your local Surstart centre, if you have one - they may be able to help.

Even if you can't find any childcare over the summer, you may have to think harder about what sort of part time work you do - but it's not impossible. Perhaps weekend work when your dp is at home?

I think your teaching plan is a good long term career move. But as you seem so petrified of working, so I think you have to conquer this fear first. Imagine if your very first job is standing in front of a class of 30 unruly pupils .

Even if your part time job is far from the job of your dreams, it is the first step towards the job of your dreams.

i didnt mean making it up lol but there must be certain things that have to be covered, i feel if i have that to work on then it would be something i could definately do. I feel quite positive about this now. I don't intend to do this before DD starts school as i couldnt cover the childcare in the meantime. But it is exciting. I have to decide how i get through this year. Quite excited by the OU course - i was considering the grad teacher scheme, but that will take longer wont it?? Ooooh so many possibilities thankyou teachers for that. I will reconsider the secondary teaching i think, well, as you can see, i dont have a clue really - does having a pathological fear of a bunsen burner pose a significant problem . I've ummed and ahhed about this teaching thing, because i sort of thought, its not been my lifes ambition to be a teacher so im not the right sort of person, but i do believe i want to do this.

LEM is smiling for the first time in a week!

DD isn't three until july so doenst qualify for a free place until september, which reminds me i need to talk to the place i have her name down for as they havn't got back to me.

MB i might take you up on your list of favourites. I CAN do this can't i?

get some childcare sorted for a few days and go to your local comp....ring them in advance and explain that you are a mature student wanting to enter teaching and can you see current practice, you shouldn't have a problem.

It will let you see what 21st C teaching is all about! I'm not kidding when I say the job is tough, it really is, and it is worthwhile seeing 'reality' before you commit yourself to more training. But the job is fantastic, if it is the right job for you.

The money isn't fantastic at the start, but it is steady, and you do get the same holidays s the kidsm which means that you don't have to fork out for child care, even if you do spend quite a bit of the holidays working from home!

Thanks again MB, i will do that. There is a local school and it has quite a bad rep, i reckon that has to be the place to start doesn't it. I did get some limited teaching experience with undergraduates when i was doing my PhD. I really enjoyed this and i got positive feedback from the students. Apart from one little fucker who said i was a witch - theres always one isnt there

There's often more than one!

yes herc, thats what worries me if im honest. Ive stood up and spoken in front of some pretty hot shot professors and been told they enjoyed my presentation, but to stand in front of a class full of hooligans is something in another league of scariness

also i really need to address my spelling

actually, i have just thought, i don't technically have a maths GCSE, i took a rather alternative route to my degree and PhD, should i do something about this??

You will need to have something that is recognised as an alternative to a GCSE maths. I'm not sure what the rules are, but you can probably find that out on the OU website.

Re spelling, I can't spell, and find that my whiteboard is essential!

lem -do you have an O level in maths?

Men hate to admit failure of anything and if you try and "talk" to them about it you're just nagging and not being supportive. He needs a sharp shock to get his brain into gear. Can you take a break from him for a while and stay with your mum?? I know it's devious but maybe he needs to realise how close to the relationship collapsing he really is. All businesses are hard work but since your dd is so young the best time to approach this would be in about 10 years' time. I like the earlier suggestion that he should try and build up a reputation by doing jobs at the weekends although this would cut into family time (although I suppose it must already). The main thing is to try and get back on your feet financially now and then start to save as much as possible and say to him let's get a timetable here for when you can really go for this. If you have a nest egg built up already you can fall back onto that for mortgage repayments etc when things aren't going to plan. This sounds a nightmare situation for you. I've been with someone before who only wanted to be a DJ and refused to do anything else so was almost always out of work - it was really hard to go out to work every day and support him. I lost my respect for him and eventually I woke up and found I couldn't go on anymore. It was hard to leave him and we didn't have any kids so that should have made it easier but it wasn't easy at all. I did it though and glad I did. I just hope that you can work a way through this that keeps you and dd happy.

Glad to see you're getting somewhere.

If your 2-year-old is anything like mine, she'll be ready for nursery!

Mine's starting a bit early - she turns 3 in December but she's going for a few hours starting in August.

Kids benefit so much at that age from interacting with other kids, playing with different toys, even interacting with other adults.

Remember, no matter what job you start off with, you can always get another job!

DH is the king of trying for other jobs - and hey ho, why not apply? All they can say is no.

Nothing is set in stone.

But truly, I think getting out there in any capacity would benefit you so much, and consequently, your family.

LCM, what you need is self-confidence.
You have tons of skills and experience and your CV must be fabulous.
Believe in yourself fgs!
Have you tried Hypno-therapy CDs?
I used to worry about everything and not want to start anything new, because was worrying about what COULD go wrong instead of good positive things.
I've found a great CD called "Develop your self-confidence" from Divinity publishing and it has helped my so so much.
You must get your mind in a positive gear before you can move forward.
Because as your posts show, your mind is all over the place!
Try this website; www.hypnosisaudio.com.
You have nothing to lose by trying

Martian, when i did my access course i did Biology, maths and chemistry, supposedly to A level so i will check up with my local teacher training college as i would probably do that this september if that were the case. Although i did swear, no more exams - i bet the teacher training has exams doesn't it - lol.