Enough is enough: DP needs to get a job now

[lucyellensmum]

Everymorning i wake up and i have a knot in the pit of my stomach and i feel sick. I'm not pregnant, its stress!! Ive posted so much about this its like a broken record. DP is "trying" to run his own building business, well its just him. He has no time management skills and is underestimating jobs left right and centre. For the past two years our income has been 7K and the only way we have managed is to borrow from my mother and get into horrendous credit card debt (vicious circle).

All i hear from him is, "i just need to get this job (nightmare job) out of the way, then im going to change it around and make some money" great, but i hear it every single fucking job. The job he is working on this week, was supposed to bring some money in, but guess what, it is taking significantly longer than he thought . So i imagine he will be trotting the same old line out over again.

People have suggested i help out, more than i do, which is typing invoices and sorting the accounts. But its not possible for me to say how long a job will take, all i know is that it will take longer than he estimates and subsequently prices for.

Its coming up to time to pay the mortgage and he promised me faithfully there would be money - well, we have had no money for over two months now and he is borrowing from the mortgage overdraft and hadn't told me til he let it slip.

I've made hints that i want him to get a job, the frustrating thing that he could easily earn 30K, be home by 5-6 every night and not work weekends.

People have also suggested that I should get a job. Well maybe, BUT when i had DD we discussed this and both agreed that it would be better if i were a SAHM, DD starts school next year and i will definately be going back to work then. I would get a job in an instant if DP was earning his limit and we were still struggling, but he choses to do this. I suggested to him that I get a job now and he takes a year out to look after DD. He said that he really wants the business to work and that, you've guessed it, The next job................

Am i being selfish here?? I really can't stand much more - i would be financially more secure if i left and went on benefit. But how can i do that, DD adores her daddy and he adores her. I love him deeply too and i think he loves me (we have had a bad patch - is there any wonder). Im just sick of waking up everymorning withthe feeling that i need to rush to the medicine cabinet to take my ADs.

You have to think long term. I earn a good wage now after 7 years in teaching, got good promotions and senior management now. I earn enough to pay a large mortgage on outer london and support dh to take a career break and pay nursery fees. I havent been entitled to any sort of benefit for years now but I earn enough now to have made it worth it.

Don't know the details of tax credits, so you need to investigate that. It will be a bummer if you end up worse off or no better off through working part time. Is that really possible? Bloody shit system if it is!! TBH, you sound as if getting out to work will do you a power of good anyway, quite apart from the financial aspect. You sound as if you've had a rough few years LEM. Time to take control and move on with your life.

you think the job looks good and interesting but you don;t think it would be enough

c'mon, needs must ! now is not the time to be picky and only hold out for the dream job

sometimes you have to just do what you need to do

i am not completely niave about what it would involve, but those 3 hours can be done once DD in bed. I have actually thought about this for a long time, so i haven't just plucked it out of the air in desperation.

You will be knackered! I had to do my extra hours as soon as I picked up ds from the childminder and stick him in front of the tv. I dont want to put you off but it really isnt an easy option. I still work till 6.30 every night at school (occasionally leave earlier) and still work pretty much all sunday.

herc what ages do you teach

fair enough

Sorry to sound negative and unencouraging. I left my PGCE officially 3 times during the year because it was too much.

I was secondary but now teach both.

also, you need a job NOW , not a training course... IMO

seems i can't win

WHy dont you spend some time in a school to see what it's like? You do get a grant if you do a pgce. Have you looked at the government website? It details all the different routes you can take to go into teaching and the funding etc. I'll find a link for you.

here

LEM- I know getting a job seems like a hideously unattainable option at the moment, but you can do it. It will be hard, you will feel very sick at first, but you will be bringing in hard cash, and will very quickly feel empowered.

I just wonder how long it will take for your partner to realised that pricing up a job and allowing enough time for it are part of what he does. If he doesn't do those well, he is never going to be able to make it pay.

i have thought about that herc so i may well approach them. I did think about doing TA first but to be honest i think that would be the wrong route seeing as i would want to start the teaching course next year

LEM at least now we are getting somewhere.

You need to get a job now. Stop burying your head in the sand with vague promises of 'agency work' from your DP. YOU do something to make this better.

break down what you need to do into manageable segments

start looking for a job

write a CV

apply

etc etc. Dont actastrophise about everything that could go wrong. Dont allow anything to get in your way. Just do it

thanks herc, i am going to add that to my favourites and take a look when i dont have to type one handed

Re going into teaching. I did this after having a career break to have the kids and it was the best move that I ever made.

Go spend a few days (a week of you can manage it) in local schools. I would look at both secondary and primary schools before you make your mind up....there is a significant advantage in offering secondary science as you are far more likely to get a job at the end of it,. Getting jobs in primary can be very hard , depending on where you live and what the local turn over is like.

ive had a quick look, there seems some interseting stuff in there thankyou

Hi MB, thanks, i will

LEM

I thought I was a lone voice posting during the day yesterday but it seems that others have since agreed with me. We all want to help you so take our advice as being offered with the best intentions.

What are your qualifications to date, let us be your careers advisers.

I personally wouldn't recommend teaching as I'm guessing you'd need to take time out to obtain the post grad qualification, then there's the NQT period. I'm wondering if you're thinking of teaching because studying for a PGCE would delay the actual start to work and you just can't face that at the moment.

IMHO,I think your first step needs to be to find a nursery pre-school and apply for a place for your dd (using the government funding available for 3 year olds to pay for most of the cost). Sell the idea to your dp as being essential experience for dd as the vast majority of children will have attended a pre-school and be used to sitting in a group and paying attention for a short while, getting along and making friends with other kids etc etc. Tell him you've researched the matter and realise that as parents you really must do this for her benefit. She WILL take time to settle into this but DO NOT pull her out at the first wail and trickle of tears. You'll only have to go through it all when she starts school and you won't be allowed to stay and settle her in when she is in reception, it'll be "say bye bye to mummy now" and door closed by the teacher.

Go-on take that first step.

Once dd is safely established in pre-school you will be able to plan the job thing with a clearer head.

Actually having thought about it teaching may be a good choice. It gives you a solid career and you will have the holidays still with your lo.

I agree hercules. As a longer term plan it could be very good. Would definitely go for sceondary science LEM - I know many primary teachers who can't get jobs, whereas any secondary science teacher worth their salt should be able to get a good job.

LEM

Do you think that you would follow through and find/take a job at the end of the studying phase ?