Would you believe this? Husband and hotel

[atatotallosss]

Will try to keep this short. Currently 35 weeks pregnant with a 20-month-old DD.

Today, I found an email in my husband's email account for a hotel room for two adults dated two weeks ago. Instantly, I felt sick, and I couldn’t hold it in to confront him. Initially, he said it was for a friend, then said he booked it as he had planned to leave me and changed his mind. He doesn't know why the room is listed for two adults and is clamining he just booked the room that showed available.

I have proof that the room was unused with a no-show charge on the invoice, but I honestly don’t know what to think or believe. He’s full of remorse, citing mental health and depression (new to me).

Things have been stressful with work (self-employed) and we have been going through a rocky patch for the past few months (arguments, me struggling in pregnancy and him saying he feels no love from me) however on the day he planned this, that morning I had woken up to blood on my underwear and had to call triage- he plans this?! He says it was a moment of madness and overwhelm, the day the booking was made for, we had zero arguments and it was a normal day except for him being more stressed than usual with work etc. And the scare with the baby. He came home from work and we had normal conversations etc.

He's not been out etc recently so if it was an affair it would have been at work, or online I’m assuming. He is self-employed so god knows what he’s been doing during the day.

He wants us to try and move past this, however, I don’t know if I’m just postponing the inevitable and he will leave one week postpartum etc.

op in your shoes id be playing detective. Is the hotel close to your home? You must know the email address that was used to book it? Email the hotel from his email address and tell them you have accidentally deleted your records and need copies of all the room receipts for expenses from 1/1/25 to the current day and see if they can possibly email them back to you. If one booking comes through, then at least you know it’s not a regular thing. If more than one comes back then you have your answer. Don’t forget that not all rooms are booked to be used overnight, some are used just for a few hours. I’d also be looking at bank statements for unusual cash withdrawals and at his phone for hidden folders. If there is more than one room booking, look for cash withdrawals that tally with that for sex workers or fling expenses.

very sorry you are going through this

Or gym bag.

I had to come back to add this. I know lots of men cheat and gaslight women but not always. A friend of mine had a terrible experience. Staying at in laws and she was heavily pregnant. He went out for a drink with his dad, left the pub early and didn’t go home. Well he did go home. They found him in the garden. He had hung himself. Some men don’t feel comfortable talking about how they are feeling. This is why suicide rates are so high in 25-40 year old men.

So now you’ve caught him out he’s happy to go stay somewhere else so as to not cause anymore stress for you and your dd? Well, that’s pretty shit of him. It doesn’t sound like he’s the one who needs the break right now!

He should have been up and sorting everything for your dd and taking her out this morning and giving you time to rest because I bet you didn’t get much sleep last night. He should be on his best behaviour and parenting like his life depended on it, not skipping off to a nice relaxing evening in a hotel or wherever.

If anyone should be getting a break right now, it’s you and it sounds like he wants to just drop you in it and run, which is just ridiculous.

Firstly you don't need to rush to make any decision.

Secondly, personally, if this is something out of the blue and unusual, with things being good on the run up, then I'd be looking at couples counselling and working through it. But, I'd also be ensuring my credit rating was good, that I was putting money aside and had my own bank account just in case the worst happens.

Good luck OP, it seems like a shitty time for everyone. Hopefully the baby's arrival goes smoothly for you.

You're 35 weeks pregnant with a 20 month old and he booked a hotel because he was going to leave you?
If that's the better option in his mind than admitting he booked it to shag someone else then it's beyond the pale.
At best he's an utter scumbag who would leave his heavily pregnant wife and toddler because he can't cope.

At worst he's a lying skank of a cheat.
Either way, surely this is done.

And would I believe him?
No, no and thrice - NO.

Usually these sort of posts are pretty clear cut but I'm not sure about this one. I'd be leaning towards the fact that your husband is under a huge amount of stress and he's drowning. I've reached breaking point before. When DD1 was little I felt like I couldn't cope, I was struggling with PnD. One night I just said to me DH I can't do this anymore I got in the car and drove phone switched off for 5 hours. I could have happily done a night in a hotel by myself.

You need to decide here are you a partnership or not? Are you with your husband thru thick and thin at a time when your both under a huge amount of stress or are you going to accuse him of cheating and sling him out. It's a hard decision but everyone is on the outside looking in, only you know your relationship and your husband. Go with your gut. Maybe speak to someone IRL

I think, as others have said, you could try booking the hotel for yourself (probably there will be a free cancellation option), just to see what comes back.

You could also use his email to contact the hotel to request a statement of visits. May well come back with nothing. If there's any other similar hotels around, you could try the same with them?

One thing though - why were you going through his deleted emails? Sounds like there is suspicion there anyway?

I just checked my deleted folders to count how many i have in there. There are too many to count. He clearly regularly deletes trace if his emails.

Really? She's 35 weeks pregnant with a toddler and a flakey husband and you think THAT'S the important thing here?

It’s weird, isn’t it?

the focus on how the op found evidence of her h about to run out on her and the dcss. Weird priorities.

clearly the op’s instincts are strong and accurate.

I use hotels for work a lot too and they always say 1 person, so this isn't necessarily correct.

So sorry you’re dealing with this when you’re so close to giving birth.
Whatever the true facts are with his story, there’s a lot that is alarming.
Also, the fact he’s not feeling “loved “ by you when you are the one heavily pregnant and in need of support says he is not coping. Men can experience depression and adjustment disorders with new babies and to be blunt he’s also clearly a needy man child so you’ll have your work cut out with him even if he hasn’t had an affair. Can the two of you attend therapy?? Might be worth it to try and improve connection and communication before new baby is upon you. Good luck and I hope you have support of good friends and family ?

I think you were right in one of your initial posts that the genie is out the bottle and you would have a tough time trusting that he's not constantly thinking about leaving or waiting for a time to do it. Under those circumstances, you're quite right to take it into your own hands and make the decision for yourself.

There's nothing to say that you won't ultimately get through it in the future. For the moment, do what you need to be able to get through the rest of your pregnancy and the early days.

Sorry OP, I misread that bit.

All hotels I’ve booked have 2 persons as standard. Only in Denmark did it book for 1 but wasn’t an issue. I’d argue he did plan to leave you but changed his mind. It’s obviously heartbreaking but maybe you can work through it as it wasn’t an affair?

All hotels I’ve booked have 2 persons as standard. Only in Denmark did it book for 1 but wasn’t an issue. I’d argue he did plan to leave you but changed his mind. It’s obviously heartbreaking but maybe you can work through it as it wasn’t an affair?

What a silly, unhelpful and immature thing to write. The OP is clearly in a very difficult place with her husband. My heart goes out to her.
However, there are plenty of loyal, loving and faithful men. And also plenty of cheating and abusive women. Grow up,

For those saying checking emails is a breach of trust, well I’m glad I checked my husband’s 18 years ago or I wouldn’t have discovered his girlfriend. Sometimes you have to listen to your gut for a reason.

I don't think you're the only one, judging from the vehemence of the replies! 😬

Get to a relationship counsellor pronto. This will be the best way to move forward if you want to try to stay together. Sounds like classic man not dealing with bring an adult and having their life turned upside down by children.

If you ignore/brush under the carpet he will do something similar again.

Yes, it is simply true.

It probably depends on the booking site. I never do!

My ex was having an affair through out my first pregnancy (planned) I had no inkling other than he was being even more of a twit than usual on reflection. I cam out of hospital at 12 noon he told me he was leaving at 1pm. Long story short he didn’t we had another child and he left at 12 math point of second child. Apart from having an amazing son I wish he had funked off at the start.
I think saying he was going to leave as his best story is funking ridiculous.IN my opinion men are lax
opinion men are lazy and don’t leave to be alone, perhaps he was leaving to be with someone and they had a change of heart?
Either way know you are stronger than you think, confide in someone who really cares for you and can support you,don’t be afraid t ask for help. Wishing you and your soon to be two children all the best moving forward.💕

It isn't. I've just done a dummy booking with one of the biggest hotel chains in the world. You don't have to input a second guest's name.