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Original poster

Would you believe this? Husband and hotel

281 replies

atatotallosss · 09/08/2025 22:39

Will try to keep this short. Currently 35 weeks pregnant with a 20-month-old DD.

Today, I found an email in my husband's email account for a hotel room for two adults dated two weeks ago. Instantly, I felt sick, and I couldn’t hold it in to confront him. Initially, he said it was for a friend, then said he booked it as he had planned to leave me and changed his mind. He doesn't know why the room is listed for two adults and is clamining he just booked the room that showed available.

I have proof that the room was unused with a no-show charge on the invoice, but I honestly don’t know what to think or believe. He’s full of remorse, citing mental health and depression (new to me).

Things have been stressful with work (self-employed) and we have been going through a rocky patch for the past few months (arguments, me struggling in pregnancy and him saying he feels no love from me) however on the day he planned this, that morning I had woken up to blood on my underwear and had to call triage- he plans this?! He says it was a moment of madness and overwhelm, the day the booking was made for, we had zero arguments and it was a normal day except for him being more stressed than usual with work etc. And the scare with the baby. He came home from work and we had normal conversations etc.

He's not been out etc recently so if it was an affair it would have been at work, or online I’m assuming. He is self-employed so god knows what he’s been doing during the day.

He wants us to try and move past this, however, I don’t know if I’m just postponing the inevitable and he will leave one week postpartum etc.

OP posts:
ConfusedSloth · 09/08/2025 23:17

atatotallosss · 09/08/2025 23:11

Up until May time it was a happy relationship, then life, work, toddler and pregnancy struggles all came to a head at once.

Show quote history

I'm sorry those things have happened. Please ignore posters who are trying to make out he must have been cheating just because they've been cheated on.

How are things at home now?

chatgptsbestmate · 09/08/2025 23:17

No one apart from DH knows what he was intending to do

It seems unlikely that he's telling the whole truth because he changed his story and his current story appears a bit weird and half baked

The trust is gone now, for the OP. DH is almost certain to leave or try to leave again

It's a mess.

I think I'd be inclined to try to shelve this problem with Dickhead DH and get through the birth and out the other side.

Give it a few weeks and see how things are then

Tbh I can't think of a better suggestion

Kicking him out, just before the birth, is going to be hugely disruptive for the toddler

PringlesTube · 09/08/2025 23:18

Either way he’s a dick. Sorry op.

LittleMissNumber · 09/08/2025 23:19

Did he want the second child? Is that maybe what is making him freak out? No excuse at all though.

LittleSoo · 09/08/2025 23:20

When booking hotels or Airbnbs, I've found the default is for 2 people. I wouldn't assume he was cheating based on that alone as it's easy to miss the people bit and not change it to one person, especially for hotel rooms.

The rest of it tho... He's a shit. Is he willing to talk it through or go to counselling? Has everything got on top of him and he just needed an escape no matter how I'll timed and stupid it was?

cha04 · 09/08/2025 23:22

ConfusedSloth · 09/08/2025 23:16

I'm not delusional. Are you drunk? Again, I'm sorry for whoever treated you poorly but I'm kind of understanding why.

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Jesus Christ. You’re right you are confused.

PullTheBricksDown · 09/08/2025 23:23

atatotallosss · 09/08/2025 23:11

Up until May time it was a happy relationship, then life, work, toddler and pregnancy struggles all came to a head at once.

Show quote history

That's only 3 months ago. It doesn't say a lot for his understanding of 'for better or for worse' if that length of difficult time has him deciding to leave/cheat on the mother of his children and booking a room for the purpose.

Is he a good dad? Really, not in the 'he has a job and doesn't hit me' low bar sense? Because if not, you might be as well to call it a day now and resolve to make a better life for yourself from the start of your new baby's life. If you're going to spend the next two years telling him all his half arsed efforts are great and stroking his ego when the kids have taken priority, then what's the point?

PInkyStarfish · 09/08/2025 23:25

The writing is on the wall.

If he was thinking of leaving you then when things were a bit rocky, how do you think he will feel when the new baby arrives and you can’t give him attention because your priorities are caring for your baby.

He’s already checked out of your relationship but is saying he wants to move past it because he knows he will look shitty if he leaves you now whilst heavily pregnant or for financial reasons.

Moonlightbean123 · 09/08/2025 23:26

cha04 · 09/08/2025 22:58

Of course he’s lying to you and you’re falling for he’s ridiculous excuses. It was booked for him and someone else! Women need to wake up and realise no man is going to stay loyal. Don’t do yourself an injustice by stating with him. Use and abuse like they do to us.

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You're talking nonsense and you're not being helpful! The op is pregnant, calm yourself, she doesn't need you talking down to her. This doesn't mean hes cheating, he might be, but it could also just be he was planning to leave and booked a hotel so he would have somewhere to sleep. None of us can know if hes cheating , he well may be but he could also just be a complete loser who just can't do right by his wife and no im not sticking up for him. What hes done is not acceptable behaviour but stop putting you're own nonsense on to the op.

Original poster
atatotallosss · 09/08/2025 23:26

ConfusedSloth · 09/08/2025 23:17

I'm sorry those things have happened. Please ignore posters who are trying to make out he must have been cheating just because they've been cheated on.

How are things at home now?

Show quote history

Things have been fine, he's claiming he can't really remember the week that he planned this and needs to go to the Dr as he's clearly not been handing things well.

He's been really supportive, loving, etc. Saying how lucky he is, how he would hate for us to seperate etc and for the kids to have separate Christmases etc. When we've spoke about friends separating etc.

OP posts:
Coastliner · 09/08/2025 23:27

I suspect he booked the room for a possible hook-up. Maybe someone he's met on-line or through a dodgy website. Probably fell through, maybe the woman pulled out. I would be looking for further evidence OP but I suspect he's deleted everything on his phone.

ConfusedSloth · 09/08/2025 23:27

cha04 · 09/08/2025 23:22

Jesus Christ. You’re right you are confused.

Show quote history

And you're a fantasist. If you don't have anything true or helpful to say, leave OP alone.

Original poster
atatotallosss · 09/08/2025 23:27

LittleSoo · 09/08/2025 23:20

When booking hotels or Airbnbs, I've found the default is for 2 people. I wouldn't assume he was cheating based on that alone as it's easy to miss the people bit and not change it to one person, especially for hotel rooms.

The rest of it tho... He's a shit. Is he willing to talk it through or go to counselling? Has everything got on top of him and he just needed an escape no matter how I'll timed and stupid it was?

He's wanting to talk it through and try and doesn't want to leave the house me/DD. Not sure what to think to be honest. Just feel that whatever we've been through this has never happened or been planned to my knowledge- second guessing every interaction, message etc now

OP posts:
Hibernating80 · 09/08/2025 23:27

Try couples counselling.

From how you described things it sounds like he could be on the brink and you. He could have just needed to know that moment of escapism was there, without following through. It could be part of avoiding a nervous breakdown.

Get counselling. It's worth putting the effort in when you love each other really, have kids, and are in a bad place due to stress.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck.

SheridansPortSalut · 09/08/2025 23:28

If he was planning on leaving you what good is one night in a hotel? He'd need more than one night, surely.

cha04 · 09/08/2025 23:28

Moonlightbean123 · 09/08/2025 23:26

You're talking nonsense and you're not being helpful! The op is pregnant, calm yourself, she doesn't need you talking down to her. This doesn't mean hes cheating, he might be, but it could also just be he was planning to leave and booked a hotel so he would have somewhere to sleep. None of us can know if hes cheating , he well may be but he could also just be a complete loser who just can't do right by his wife and no im not sticking up for him. What hes done is not acceptable behaviour but stop putting you're own nonsense on to the op.

Show quote history

Either way he doesn’t want to be with her so she’s hurting herself by carrying on.

cha04 · 09/08/2025 23:29

ConfusedSloth · 09/08/2025 23:27

And you're a fantasist. If you don't have anything true or helpful to say, leave OP alone.

Show quote history

Yes because your first comment was ever so supportive and helpful.

Original poster
atatotallosss · 09/08/2025 23:30

PullTheBricksDown · 09/08/2025 23:23

That's only 3 months ago. It doesn't say a lot for his understanding of 'for better or for worse' if that length of difficult time has him deciding to leave/cheat on the mother of his children and booking a room for the purpose.

Is he a good dad? Really, not in the 'he has a job and doesn't hit me' low bar sense? Because if not, you might be as well to call it a day now and resolve to make a better life for yourself from the start of your new baby's life. If you're going to spend the next two years telling him all his half arsed efforts are great and stroking his ego when the kids have taken priority, then what's the point?

Show quote history

He is a good dad and has a really good relationship with our DD. Split nights with me during the newborn stage, has been doing most bedtimes and mornings for the past few months, doing park mornings recently with her to burn off steam (I'm suffering with pgp and on crutches some days with pain).

My biggest anxiety is the constant requirement to be working which he has been trying to mitigate on the lead up to birth, multiple businesses one newly opened, one just closed that knocked the wind from us so stress has been there both sides

OP posts:
LushLemonTart · 09/08/2025 23:33

I don't want to sound gloomy but people sometimes end their lives in hotel rooms. Have you had an honest chat about whether he's felt suicidal?

Just seems odd to book one night.

Original poster
atatotallosss · 09/08/2025 23:35

LushLemonTart · 09/08/2025 23:33

I don't want to sound gloomy but people sometimes end their lives in hotel rooms. Have you had an honest chat about whether he's felt suicidal?

Just seems odd to book one night.

Looking back he was majorly stressed with work, this was the Tuesday new business with 150k spent on it was opening the weekend coming.

We had no arguments etc but can understand he was feeling external pressures. Hes said he struggled to talk about how he felt because I was the one that was struggling with pregnancy, even though I would have supported him.

OP posts:
ConfusedSloth · 09/08/2025 23:35

cha04 · 09/08/2025 23:29

Yes because your first comment was ever so supportive and helpful.

Show quote history

How was it not?!

Namechangerage · 09/08/2025 23:36

TrickorTreacle · 09/08/2025 22:45

I use hotels quite often (for work), and even as 1 guest, the room is always listed as for 2 people. I've never seen a single hotel room ever.

Obviously though, fingers crossed that he isn't cheating.

I do too but mine is always listed as one person. It can be a double room but it still shows as booked for 1 person. My friend came and stayed with me once as I had a double room but she couldn’t have breakfast as my booking was for one person.

Verydemure · 09/08/2025 23:36

I don’t think you’d book a room for 1 night if you were planning to leave someone. It’s a very expensive way to do this!

I’d suspect he has been planning a shag with someone. Perhaps he cancelled it because you got taken into hospital? Or the OW had cancelled?

when I hear men claiming mental breakdowns, it’s often shorthand for feeling guilty about cheating. It’s a way of explaining the indefensible.

im sorry, but I think he’s checked out of the marriage.

Ananother · 09/08/2025 23:37

Coastliner · 09/08/2025 23:27

I suspect he booked the room for a possible hook-up. Maybe someone he's met on-line or through a dodgy website. Probably fell through, maybe the woman pulled out. I would be looking for further evidence OP but I suspect he's deleted everything on his phone.

Yes my first thought he was possibly planning on meeting a sex worker if it was just for one night.

Moonlightbean123 · 09/08/2025 23:37

Hi op. Sorry to hear you're going thru this..personally I think what this man has done is disgusting and vile , regardless to cheating or not but I think at the moment you should concentrate on your wellbeing and not try to unpick the situation because like another poster said, only he knows what he did. does the detail matter, the main facts you know are enough really for you to see these red flags in his character and I think you need to sit and talk in a safe environment and let him know that he can make as many promises as he likes but unless you truly understand whats going on you wont be able to move on.. but at your own pace.. just do whats right for you and the kids , good luck Op !